What the hell was I thinking?

by joannadandy 25 Replies latest social relationships

  • joannadandy
    joannadandy

    Have any of you ever had a moment your life you replay in your mind? Over and over, and thwack your head against the wall saying "What the hell was I thinking?" Or going along just fine, and then have something remind you of the time you were a total loser--and you blush uncontrollably (for no reason at all the outside world seems to think) and rush for the nearest brick wall to commence with the "what the hell was I thinking" battery?

    I do. I have several of those embarrassing moments actually. But one seems to constantly re-play in my mind. I was reminded of it--YET AGAIN, today at work.

    A few years ago I used to be a cashier where I work (now I get to hide behind a desk upstairs away from evil customers) which meant lots of schmoozing with customers. One in particular would come in all the time. DAMN FINE might be a good way to describe him. Everyone at work knew of my lusting of him. He used to come in at least once a week, sometimes more. Eventually I got the nerve to talk to him (beyond a smile and hello I mean) and found out he worked in the same mall I did, and came in a lot to shop/kill time on his lunch break. After this first talk, he used to come in and talk to me a lot. Occasionally I would stop by his work and chat with him. He was always very friendly and we had fun. Over the course of a few months I got to know him pretty well. I even thought we were flirting a few times (in retrospect I was probably mistaken and let my lusting take me too far-as I am prone to do).

    Everyone at work knew my yen for this guy. They too thought he was quite flirty with me (in retrospect they were probably just being nice to me and humoring me). Finally my one co-worker told me I had to ask him out. HAD TO--cuz I am a shy little girl, and the only way I could ever get over it is if I bit the bullet and just casually asked him to go out for a drink some night after we both got off work. he OFCOURSE (yeah right) would say yes and my confidence would be built thus pulling me out of my shell. Or so the theory went.

    So one day I passed by the store he worked at. Saw him working and said to myself, "now or never self--just do it, put yourself out of your misery."

    So I walked in, pretended to casually just look around, said hello to some of his co-workers who I now was getting to know as well. He came over and said hi. I was just working past the nervous preliminary chit chat and was ready to forge ahead when he had to go help a customer. Crap! More wait time. I was rehearsing everything in my mind, and trying different variations. All of them so lame.

    He finally came back over, and I just burst it out on him; "soheydoyouthinksometimewemightgocatchadrinkafterwork?" (rapidfire come-ons are sexy aren't they?) I allowed him three or four seconds to process that and then plasterd a grin on my face and said "you know...if you'd like...sometime in the future...it's no big deal...I just..." (smooth!!)

    He smiled. Good sign right? NO!

    "I'm married" he said with a chuckle. I'm not sure but I think my chin might have bounced off the nearest table of folded sweaters. The dude never wore a ring, how the hell was I supposed to know? Never a mention of a wife, or fiance, or girlfriend. NEVER! Plus he didn't look old enough to be married (as if there is a set age one gets married by-i know I know).

    I'm not sure, but I think my exact words were "ohh...oops" smiled and said "well then nevermind! Catch ya later." Spun on my heel and walked out. (Again---Smooth!)

    He stopped coming over so frequently to our store. And I never went over to his. Nor have I spoken to him since. Lucky for me, he still has his job (sarcasm). So occasionally I bump into him in the parking lot or in the hallways. He always smiles, but we never even say hello.

    Today I saw him in the parking lot, with his wife and two little girls. I blushed a horrible shade of red and sidestepped my way to my car. Smooth!

    The moral of the story? Not sure there is one, I just can't get over how stupid I felt asking a married guy out. I guess there is a moral to the story, or at least a coda: I've never ever, EVER asked a guy out since. So much for pulling me out of my shell!

    Edited by - joannadandy on 20 September 2002 17:0:39

  • Matty
    Matty

    Oh lord, what can I say Joanna honey apart from 'we've all been there!'

  • Dutchie
    Dutchie

    Oh God, Joanna, how embarrasing!

    I tried to think of something comforting to say but I just don't know what that could be.

    However, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    Better luck next time.

  • heathen
    heathen

    ohhhh wow gee willickers the utter humiliation you poor thing ouuuuuuuuuccchhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [8&>] I don't know how you can live with yourself after that one .lol

  • joannadandy
    joannadandy

    Heathen, I wasn't looking for sympathy...just posting one of the several chapters in the book of Dumbass Things Joanna has Done.

    Sorry you didn't find it as funny as I did...

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    What you have to do is turn it into a postive instead of a negative. I did HUNDREDS of lameass things like that when I was younger, hundreds. But at least I did something about what I wanted. So did you. You asked the guy, you got an answer. You know where you stand, hes not interested. What more can you ask for? At least you wont die wondering. No, this is a plus. You wanted something and you went for it. Maybe not as effectively as you could have, but tell yourself ,over and over, the positive things from the experience. (you made a "move", for one) absorb the positives into your arsenal of personal weapons and work on trying to build more tools you can use. Dont just give up. You are missing opportunities out there. Imagine, while you keep reliving this "negative " experience, telling yourself its negative, you are missing more opportunities out there.

    If a woman ever came up to me and expressed a level of interest like that, I think I would die of flattery.

    Doctor refiner.

    Edited by - refiners fire on 20 September 2002 17:28:42

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    When I was a young guy and drifting out of the truth,there was a young sis in the congregation (Karen) who, one day, just walked up to me and asked me out.Im sure, thinking back, that she must have worked herself up to it. I was totally shocked as I recall. This is something men dont expect to happen to them. As it turned out we went out a number of times over the course of 5 years, without ever becoming boyfriend /girlfriend. I slept with her once. Thinking back, Im sure she felt like shit about the way I dealt with her. There was a problem with me. I was too hung up on Dub stuff to enjoy the relationship, and I was in love with another girl (who wasnt interested in me).I wasted 5 years on that girl. I think of Karen often, she is always in my memory. I often wish I could apologize to her for being so fucked up and not just being able to enjoy the relationship in a completely open and natural way. Its one of those instances I wish I could go back and do a better job.

  • joannadandy
    joannadandy

    I often wish I could apologize to her

    Why can't you? She'd probablly really appreciate it...

  • LuckyLucy
    LuckyLucy

    what the hell was I thinking??? Yeah everytime I see my ex-husband.

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    I was drawing an analogy for you.

    Karen is probably sat there telling herself she is an idiot who doesnt deserve good things in life.

    But the fact is I just wasnt ready. When I think of her it is always with appreciation. Her interest in me was a flattering thing, a positive. Id be surprised if your mister man isnt thinking the same thing. Stop beating yourself.

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