Have any of you ever had a moment your life you replay in your mind? Over and over, and thwack your head against the wall saying "What the hell was I thinking?" Or going along just fine, and then have something remind you of the time you were a total loser--and you blush uncontrollably (for no reason at all the outside world seems to think) and rush for the nearest brick wall to commence with the "what the hell was I thinking" battery?
I do. I have several of those embarrassing moments actually. But one seems to constantly re-play in my mind. I was reminded of it--YET AGAIN, today at work.
A few years ago I used to be a cashier where I work (now I get to hide behind a desk upstairs away from evil customers) which meant lots of schmoozing with customers. One in particular would come in all the time. DAMN FINE might be a good way to describe him. Everyone at work knew of my lusting of him. He used to come in at least once a week, sometimes more. Eventually I got the nerve to talk to him (beyond a smile and hello I mean) and found out he worked in the same mall I did, and came in a lot to shop/kill time on his lunch break. After this first talk, he used to come in and talk to me a lot. Occasionally I would stop by his work and chat with him. He was always very friendly and we had fun. Over the course of a few months I got to know him pretty well. I even thought we were flirting a few times (in retrospect I was probably mistaken and let my lusting take me too far-as I am prone to do).
Everyone at work knew my yen for this guy. They too thought he was quite flirty with me (in retrospect they were probably just being nice to me and humoring me). Finally my one co-worker told me I had to ask him out. HAD TO--cuz I am a shy little girl, and the only way I could ever get over it is if I bit the bullet and just casually asked him to go out for a drink some night after we both got off work. he OFCOURSE (yeah right) would say yes and my confidence would be built thus pulling me out of my shell. Or so the theory went.
So one day I passed by the store he worked at. Saw him working and said to myself, "now or never self--just do it, put yourself out of your misery."
So I walked in, pretended to casually just look around, said hello to some of his co-workers who I now was getting to know as well. He came over and said hi. I was just working past the nervous preliminary chit chat and was ready to forge ahead when he had to go help a customer. Crap! More wait time. I was rehearsing everything in my mind, and trying different variations. All of them so lame.
He finally came back over, and I just burst it out on him; "soheydoyouthinksometimewemightgocatchadrinkafterwork?" (rapidfire come-ons are sexy aren't they?) I allowed him three or four seconds to process that and then plasterd a grin on my face and said "you know...if you'd like...sometime in the future...it's no big deal...I just..." (smooth!!)
He smiled. Good sign right? NO!
"I'm married" he said with a chuckle. I'm not sure but I think my chin might have bounced off the nearest table of folded sweaters. The dude never wore a ring, how the hell was I supposed to know? Never a mention of a wife, or fiance, or girlfriend. NEVER! Plus he didn't look old enough to be married (as if there is a set age one gets married by-i know I know).
I'm not sure, but I think my exact words were "ohh...oops" smiled and said "well then nevermind! Catch ya later." Spun on my heel and walked out. (Again---Smooth!)
He stopped coming over so frequently to our store. And I never went over to his. Nor have I spoken to him since. Lucky for me, he still has his job (sarcasm). So occasionally I bump into him in the parking lot or in the hallways. He always smiles, but we never even say hello.
Today I saw him in the parking lot, with his wife and two little girls. I blushed a horrible shade of red and sidestepped my way to my car. Smooth!
The moral of the story? Not sure there is one, I just can't get over how stupid I felt asking a married guy out. I guess there is a moral to the story, or at least a coda: I've never ever, EVER asked a guy out since. So much for pulling me out of my shell!
Edited by - joannadandy on 20 September 2002 17:0:39