Dear Elsewhere... and all... may you have peace... and may I respond?
It is true that there are some forms of depression that are bio-chemically induced, so that a person may not be able to control the emotions; I have experienced such when dealing with PMS, etc. Also, certain medications, foods, and events tend to make me "feel" depressed, whether I wish to or not, and sometimes the "blues" just have to run their course. I try, however, not to take those who may be around me WITH me into such a "funk", because it's not usually their fault that I am feeling as I am: it's just my flesh and its "nature".
Other times, it is other's treatment of me, or a perceived "lack" in my life that tends, for a brief moment, to make me "feel", well... sad... (more so that depressed... but some folks interpret sadness as depression; they are not necessarily the same, however). In these cases, my own personal "weapon" is knowing that NO matter how "bad" it gets, I will get through it, over it, past it... whatever... some how... and usually with the help of my Lord (hey, that's who helps ME; whoever helps YOU, well, that's for you to say...). I also always ALLOW myself to consider those who are less fortunate than I (and there are MANY to think of... babies with flies in their eyes/nose living in ditches in Africa or huts in South America; people with physical deformities, etc., who've been exiled/ostracized by their people; the terminally ill, homeless, etc.). In thinking on those things, I tend to be able to see my own "plight" as not SO bad, in comparison, whatever such plight might be, and am able to keep a positive attitude: as long as I'm not dying, or someone I love dearly is not... I CAN get over it. And that is MY way of dealing with such things.
I wanted to comment, however, that for all of the rally-ers FOR depression, and the "inability" to control it, that is not ALWAYS true. There ARE those folks for whom... and those times when... depression is more of a "woobie"... than a true emotion. Wait! Before you start to "boo" me, let me tell you some things that I think might qualify me to speak on this matter:
1. I had my first child 3 weeks before my 18th birthday; that should have been depressed, but, hey, it was "life" and I had a family to care for
2. My mom died on my 18th birthday (of cancer, which I watched for the entire year preceding); that should have been depressing (actually, it was), but I others I had to continue living for and who I could not take into the "dumps" - I grieved... and then got on with life
3. I was married to a man for almost half my life, who "suffered" from bipolar manic depression, for which medication was prescribed and which he took... or did not take... as he saw fit;
4. My father dealt with depression through alcohol and died at age 58 - again, I grieved and then got on with life, but it started my daughter (age 11 at the time and VERY close to him; now age 25) into a form of depression that, when perpetuated by my ex's depression, lasted almost 14 years - she has just recently "recovered"... and wrote an essay, which she dedicated to me, to commemorate her recovery;
5. Because of my "sunshine-y"... "Jesus loves you"... "attitude" (as some tend to describe it), I seem to be a natural magnet for depressed people, and so speak and console many quite a bit.
6. Thus, for almost three (3) years, I worked directly and indirectly with clinically and otherwise depressed youth, most of whom used drugs and alcohol to "deal" with their illness/emotions;
Given those... ummmm, facts... I think I can speak just a little bit, so I will.
What I learned from my ex-husband (surprise regarding the "ex" part, to some of you...), my daughter and many of the "depressed" folks that I have had the privilege of knowing (and I call it a privilege because of the trust I earned from such ones)... is that MANY times, the depression is "natural" in that such ones are SO used to FEELING that way... that feeling DIFFERENT... happy, even... is unfamiliar, and thus, uncomfortable! Un-"natural".
What I mean is, some folks have been SO unhappy for SO long... for whatever reason... legit or no... that even when things look "bright", they can only see the darkness in it! Why is that? Because at some time or another, when they ALLOWED their outlook to be positive, they were disappointed! And so, they just came to "know" the feeling of depression; it is "familiar", "safe"... comfortable... to them. They KNOW what that feels like! But... to be happy... positive... assured... such feelings are uncommon, unfamiliar, so that when they begin to arise... they are, well, for lack of a better word... sabotaged. Not always purposefully, but many times habitually. It was just the "pattern"... what they were used to.
Feeling good, then, happy... positive... was something they just could not LEARN (for they had to learn it, as it was no longer "natural" for them). My ex grew up in a VERY unhappy household and never learned to "shake" it, so that eventually it was realized that there was nothing I... me... Shelby... could DO... to make HIM... happy. He would have to find his own happiness, if he could. My daughter, however, learned it. Took her quite a while, but she did so, she said in her essay, by interning in the local mental health hospital, where she worked in the children's ward. Rather than make her MORE depressed (which is what some things CAN do...), the victims of abuse that came through there woke her up: she said that no matter WHAT she had gone through or was going through, it was not as bad as what some of those children had suffered, many of them to be abandoned as well as abused. She decided to use her knowledge of what it felt like to be depressed to relate to these children, but she knew she couldn't help them if she was depressed herself... so... she made a CHOICE.
Regarding the young people I worked with... some have recovered... some have not. What I found most prevalent with those who did not is that their home environment was not CONDUCIVE to recovery: they LIVED with depressed/depressing people! Who was going to set an example, show them, TEACH them how to be happy/positive? If all they knew was sadness, it was a HABIT. It is what they LEARNED from those around them!
One of things I was able to share with them... and which many said helped... what that as young people, we have little or no control over our environment! If our parents/caregivers are negative, abusive, neglectful, oppressive, tyrannical, guilt-piling, overly strict, or even overly indulgent... we have NO control over that! We have to pretty much take what we get! However, there does come a time in our lives when WE are in control, when WE control our environment, including the 'atmosphere' of it.
I certainly had reasons to be depressed, as did my ex, as did my daughter. I CHOSE not to be. My ex did not (okay, could not...), and as a result my daughter also learned HOW to be (I mean, she was gonna pick up one personality or the other, right? And she picked up the most overpowering one, the depressive one...). But after 13 years and a stint at the mental hospital, she chose NOT to be. (My ex is now "depressed"... because he's my ex - LOL! Ah, well! I just couldn't "hang" with "SchlepRock" anymore - life's WAY too short!)
Anyway, I am not trying to say that there are not legit reasons for depression. I am saying, however, that it can be like smoking - you might want to give it up, and it may be more of a fight for one than for another, but it CAN be done. All one needs do is make a CHOICE... and work with that choice! If that means taking meds... perhaps even staying on meds perpetually... in the instance when meds are necessary (and there are certainly instances when they are!), then one should make a CHOICE... and take one's meds! I mean, a diabetic MUST take his/her medication if he/she doesn't WANT to end up in a coma or with heart, liver or kidney failure, yes? If he/she wishes his/her blood sugars to be relatively stablized? I mean, sure, it won't ALWAYS be stable, but if he/she doesn't even bother to take medication, it most probably won't EVER be, right? In that same regard, one cannot say one does not want to be depressed... and then disregard his/her need to take his/her meds to not BE depressed... CHOOSE not to take his/her medication. See what I mean?
In that light, then, for some, being depressed... and for others, letting depression overrule one's ability to live life fairly positively... IS a choice... as there are numerous ways to overcome it... from attitude to medication... just as there are numerous ways to quit smoking, doing drugs, drinking, etc. And like those, no one can MAKE us do anything... whether change our attitude OR take our meds... if WE ourselves don't WANT to do it.
Again, I bid you peace.
Your servant, who hopes that although I have spoken to you the truth, I am still your "friend"... and a slave of Christ,
SJ
