119 Hours.... (page 4)

Dutchie

It's almost time you two.

Best wishes to Onacruse and Bikerchic!

bigfloppydog

You two are sooooo cute, isn't love GRAND!

I remember like it was yesterday going to the Airport to pick Craig up. I was going to the John Wayne Airport in Orange County, CA and it was the first time I ever went to that Airport, (oh and the last time). Now anyone who knows me knows I am directionally challenged and could get lost in a paper bag. Navigating the freeways of Southern California is not for the faint of heart! I studied the Google Road Maps really hard, printed out the turn by turn directions in BIG print and numbered all the pages! I even gave myself an extra hour of drive time from my house 70 miles away in Palm Desert because well.....getting lost and all. Somehow I made it and got parked and waited and waited and waited.....I managed to get there early, way before his flight. I was very nervous and I had no idea what he even looked like because he didn't have a recent picture of himself and this was before cameras on our computers.

I did ask him how would know in a big crowd of people getting off the plane which one is him? I asked him what color of shirt he would be wearing, silly me, he said probably plaid. No help at all! But then he said I am sure I will be the tallest guy, just look for the tall guy! HA! Craig was 6'6" and yes he was the tallest one coming down the escalator where I was waiting at the bottom.

He got off the plane and called me on his cell phone and said he's heading to the lower level I let him know I was at the bottom waiting and just then I looked up and saw him at the top of the escalator (he was taller than god!) and let him know where I was waiting and waved, he looked down, waved back and my heart was doing flips! I do remember that! I will never forget our first kiss and how amazing it was.

Then came the drive back to my place 70 miles away.......Craig had to fold himself up to get into the passenger side of my car. I had a Nissan Altima, he had long legs! Poor guy, he hated that car! I handed him the pile of paper with the directions of how to get to OC but neglected to map out the way back to the desert. He looked at the pages briefly and said follow all the signs that say go to Highway 60 East. We made it to my home in Palm Desert and boy was he surprised to see the Chest board all set up for our first game of Chest! LOL

And the rest......well it was a beautiful beginning of a wonderful relationship with a better than I deserved to have man in my life. I only wish I could say we lived happily ever after but I can't say that. What I can say is that up until the day I left Craig we did have a wonderful, mutually loving relationship, we never fought, we never argued and he was truly the best man I have ever known. What went wrong....Craig had demons he couldn't excise and he couldn't drink away and it simply became intolerable for me. I wish I was a stronger person and could have stayed with him for the worst part and the final part of his life, it just hurt to much. I realize that I wanted to be enough for him to want to quit drinking and be sober but I wasn't and knew I never would be. So I did the chicken thing and I left and I hate to this day that I left him alone in his time of need.

He didn't deserve to be left alone, he had helped me so much building my confidence up after years of abuse from not only the religion I was raised in but the years of life with an abusive husband who tore me down at every opportunity. I should have been there for him in his time of need and I regret so much that I wasn't.

It's close to his birthday, a day we always celebrated together in some unique way and I'm thinking about him and how much he looked forward to his JW Mom calling him on his birthday, she never said happy birthday son, but she ALWAYS called him as long as he could remember. I can't help but wonder if she would be thinking about him this year on his birthday, I'm sure she would be. I also wonder if she is still alive? She has to be nearing 100 years old. She told me a couple of years ago that she could no longer keep in contact with me due to the JW beliefs. We spoke a couple times a year up to that point. I used to send her cards to let her know I was thinking of her. Yeah I'm going to give her a call this year and hope I get to have one of our usual chats about 'this and that' as she used to say, JW speak for just family business.

I'm going to hit Post and hope this just goes to the archives as I've had to dig and dig to find Craig's old posts. Here goes.........and post!

Balaamsass2

:( Bittersweet story. I wish the best for both of you.

Anony Mous

Sorry to hear it didn’t last. A lot of ex-JW have demons, which leaves us not in a good position. Hopefully he can get the help he needs before it is too late, this organization continues to kill and affect people long after they have left. Sometimes though you have to take care of yourself, don’t blame yourself, everyone makes their own decisions in the end.

I don’t know where you are in the world, but here are some places you or him can reach out to:

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/helplines/national-helpline

https://www.aa.org/find-aa

Earnest

Hi bikerchic, how lovely to hear from you again and to full in some gaps in your collective story, especially your courtship and first meeting which Craig (onacruse) shared on this board. He and his mates (AlanF and Farkel) are still greatly missed.

Sea Breeze

So I did the chicken thing and I left and I hate to this day that I left him alone in his time of need.
He didn't deserve to be left alone, he had helped me so much building my confidence up after years of abuse from not only the religion I was raised in but the years of life with an abusive husband who tore me down at every opportunity. I should have been there for him in his time of need and I regret so much that I wasn't.

Were yall married?

Women expect (and rightly so) that men be strong, protective, a good provider and avoid things that might damage the family or marriage.

When men appear weak, it puts women off. For the most part, men with deep emotional wounds should try to work that out in a group of other men to not overly burden their wife.

It is not practical to expect a spouse to be the primary source of healing.

119 Hours....