Non-JW wanting to Date a JW....some advice?

by Radium 37 Replies latest social relationships

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  concerned mama

  Radium,

  An Apostate is anyone who has turned their back on their religion. To a JW, an apostate is any JW, who even questions any of the the policies or interpretations of the Watchtower Society. To a JW, an apostate is extremely evil and has turned his back on God (who they call Jehovah). This website would be considered an apostate site, and very evil. An active JW would not want to spend time on this website as it might weaken their faith due to the bad people involved and the influence of Satan or demons. There is no independent thought allowed, at all. For example, you could question the Catholic church's stand on birth control quite openly, and no one would blink. A JW could not mention that there were circumstances where it it would be good to accept a blood transfusion without getting into big trouble, possibly getting disfellowshipped (thrown out of the religion). If they are disfellowshipped they are shunned by all the other JWs, even family and friends. This is to force them back into line, and is considered to be for their own good.

  The word, apostate, is used in a somewhat cynical, positive way in the X-JW culture (in an outsider's viewpoint), referring to someone who has left the cult and sees how they were programmed, and is, perhaps, vocal about the problems with the Watchtower. On this site, it is a very good thing to be an apostate and the title is worn with pride.

  Edited by - concerned mama on 12 September 2002 15:18:28
• 

  Radium

  Well..there have been a lot of posts on this subject...I appreciate all of this. Thanks to all of you. I talk to her tomorrow so well see what goes down. I promise to come back to the site and let you all know what happened...probably sat during the day is when I should know everything...or at least enough to say yea or neh....hopefully(Yea)

  If not then on to all of those Non-JW hot women out there.......

  Thanks....a post on Sat from me(just a reminder)

  Jamie
• 

  LDH

  Hey Radium.

  If you love or even like her.....HELP HER ENROLL IN COLLEGE.

  That will tell you all you need to know. JWs do not know JACK SHIT about how to go to college. NO ONE in the JW organization will help her.

  It seems she wants to be free.

  Help her go to college, the rest will take care of itself.

  Lisa
• 

  jws

  I think the above description of an apostate is a good one.

  However, one does not need to be an out-of-the closet apostate. I, for instance, do not advertise it. My family knows, but I'm not on the offensive to them.

  In JW terms, it is better to just drop out than to take an official stand against them. If she does take an official position against them, her friends and family that are still JWs will abandon her. This is the same as disfellowshipping (being kicked out for sinning). And by the way, if you do end up in a relationship, you want to be discreet when it comes to her JW family and friends. Don't let on if you end up sleeping with her. That's part of being a gentleman in the first place, but beware that word can spread through non-JW friends back to JWs also. And that can damage her and get her disfellowshipped.

  When I say she needs to become "apostate" (and yes, that's a good thing), SHE needs to turn her back on the religion. IMHO, that's the only way for you two to have a relationship otherwise you risk her returning to it. She doesn't need to make that official to her family or the JWs though. She can just stop going to church. Blame it on "bad influence" or whatever, but that is safer for her.

  -j.w.s.
• 

  Radium

  OK well here is the annoucement that you all have been waiting for...I took the route of actually telling her not to worry about our realationship and just concentrate on her getting out of the house and trying to get into college. Though I will still be in her life, so far, cause I am gonna do what was suggested, which is help her get into college and stuff. So I told her that and she liked that very much. So, in that case we are going to remain friends for now.

  But I feel that as long as I can stay part of her life in some way....it might be good for her...to eventually and slowly get out of her situation. So that is where I am left..so on to find the other Non-JW women out there....

  I will let you all know what happens with her in the next couple of months. If you want me to post it here later on I can...or if you want to know what happens, I can sedn you an email if you email me telling me that u would like to know.

  So until next time, thanks for all your suggestions and info.It really did help me to learn what this kind of culttish(thats my word for it) society is all about and what the drawbacks on it are.

  Always and Forever a Non-JW

  Jamie
• 

  sableindian

  I read this thread. I am not a Jehovah's Witness. But I think they are pretty nice people. Can't two people who love each other just get along? If he makes his issues known at the beginning. And yet there is respect, no violence, disloyalty. He holds her in high esteem and they move away from any catalyst, don't you think it may work?

  You say she is not into her religion real hard and you are a loose practicing Catholic. There has to be something firm but not all inclusive. How about shopping around for a religion that you both can enjoy. You faith, after all is between you and your Creator.

  And your love is as sacred as your religion.

  Shalom, Happiness comes through doors you
  didn't even know you left open
  *:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_:-.,_,.-:**:-.,_,.
  Qelilah Solomon
  *:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_:-.,_,.-:**:-.,_,.
• 

  larc

  Sable,

  If you have read all of the comments of this thread, then you need to assimilate some basic ideas about the Witnesses that have been presented here. Even the luke warm Witness is programmed so deeply that their success with an outsider is extremely rare. When people said RUN, they knew what they were talking about.
• 

  TTBoy

  OHHHH GOD I can relate to the getting married early thing!!!!! All my JW friends got married near 18 years old. I even prayed so I could get married! When everyone around you is having sex (ie non-JWs) and you can't even date without the commitment of marriage what other option do you have?

  I am so glad I didn't get married and am now 30 years old. Yea I think I want a family sometime but getting married just because you can't have sex and everyone U know has gotton married at 17 or 18 years of age..............wow!!!! That's a tough pill to take down.

  Rethink your situation - you are setting yourself up for a ton of pain and heartache! If she leaves the JWs you're gona be left with no in-laws, uncles, cousins, aunts, brother or sister-in-laws. neices or nephews on her side. Are you ready for that? If she stays you won't ever have sex before marriage. (I'm not gona get into the biblical or moral points about that...it's just a statement). Will you be sexually compateable with her? You won't know. They condemn oral sex, did you know that? Anything other than the misionarry possition is unwrittenly forbidden. (God I seem to be fixated on sex...guess it's been awile LOL) Will she like sex with you? Well, she's never had it before so how could she even compare it to anything.

  I say walk away. There are too many complications if you are not a JW. As many have said, you will not be accepted by her family, even if you won the Nobel Peace Prize/ had charm/money/a future/education/were the greatest and most loving careing person in the world..................you are not a JW! The last part, not being a JW, sums it all up.