How Have U Changed since Leaving?

by patio34 33 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Introspection

  Introspection, sorry I missed your point. It sounds complicated.

  Not really Pat, I may not be too clear but thats just me not being clear - perhaps the word you're looking for is confusing, and you can rightly point to me as the source of the confusion as I usually don't give much thought to organizing my thoughts.

  Basically what I mean is this: I'm not going to throw out everything that's remotely associated with the witnesses just because they happen to do it, like wearing certain clothes or whatever. If you're reactive toward clothes (apparently we're talking about that, I have to admit I only read your reply to me) or something that's obviously neutral just because it was part of the whole experience, then you are not free from that are you? To me that's just the other side of the coin, and that doesn't mean true change has taken place. I'll even cite certain points from the bible at times. Most people will agree that there are atleast a few good ideas in there, but they shy away from those probably due to emotional reasons. I'm not going do that just to identify myself in some way, an ex-witness, an ex-christian, an ex-religious person or whatever, it's just more identity based on the original one, and I'm not really big on any kind of identity these days.

  Of course that's fine too, if you want to have some kind of identity. But instead of avoiding those things, I say reclaim it. Why should having been a witness limit my clothing options, or my option in anything else for that matter? To me real change is not in appearances, whether they be physical or mental. To me, real freedom means everything is fair game, absolutely everything - if I'm really engaged in communicating with someone I'll go wherever they're willing to go, intellectually or physically, even wear their type of clothes or whatever. (along with anything else of course) But since I now know I'm not any of those things, (physical things, thoughts, emotions in general - let alone those peculiar to the witnesses) none of those things are going to change me.

  I'll go a little farther, being completely free not only means I'm out of the organization, (which in my book means very little, that's just their little bit of book keeping) but free from any effect it has ever had on me. You might say this sounds outrageous, because you have cause and effect and so on, but I don't mean that it hasn't had any effect on me, I am simply free from it. It just so happens I don't have too many JW thoughts and such that enter my head, but even if such effects are still present I can be free from it. It's sort of like the Trix cereal commercial - "Silly Witness, cults are for kids." In other words, you don't have to believe your habitual thoughts or buy into any of your conditioning.

  To any witness that may happen to be reading this, I ask you to simply consider one thing from the bible - the scripture where it says you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. Do you really feel you are free?

  *edited to correct spelling

  Edited by - Introspection on 10 September 2002 1:27:20
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  SPAZnik

  how have i changed?
  
  Change is perpetual with me. Constant, if you will. In the moment, as someone said.
  
  Some differences of perhaps some significance:
  
  I'm more balanced. (read, less boring)
  I'm less depressed. (read, more contented and at peace)
  And i must concur with (echo, echo, echo) the "I'M FREE" statement/sentiment.

  SPAZ

  ps - Introspection i think you and your non-identity are totally cool.
  not that it matters but i'd like to tell you anyway....i dig how you think.
  it reminds me of how i think. as scary as that can be. lol.
  
  pps - great thread patio34!
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  Sentinel

  This is a good thread.

  I have changed from being a very nieve, fearful, guilt-ridden, subordinate girl and woman.

  My self esteem has improved through concerted effort. My opinion of "self" is more accepting, more loving. I used to be so very hard on myself, and was disappointed when those around me seemed to "get away" with things that I never could.

  I think that I've stopped feeling sorry for myself, and realized that my life belongs to me and that I have choices, and so does everyone else. If they can accept me, I can accept them.

  I can now read whatever I want, view whatever I want, and listen to whatever I want, and say what I need to say-----without some other person, or that tremendous guilt, making me hide inside myself. I try to live by the "golden rule". I give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

  I still turn the other cheek, but I make limits for myself, boundaries that keep me balanced.

  And, once I do read, view, or listen, then I'm also free to discuss it with anyone around me without fear that I will be doing something wrong. I believe my opinion counts for something. It doesn't matter to me that someone doesn't believe me, or value what I do and say. I stand behind my own decisions and actions. I am responsible for myself.

  I've learned that the way we grow is by experiencing life, and we can't do that unless we are really living life.

  So, although I am still that sweet little "girl" inside, I've learned that it's alright to be outspoken and strong, as long as I do all things in love. I used to get really upset if someone disliked me or was cruel to me. I took labeling so personally. Abandonment and rejection have always been sensitive issues with me. I used to feel misunderstood and overlooked most of the time. In fact, I used to refer to myself as "invisible" much of the time.

  I've grown in so many ways. I feel emotionally healthy and balanced. I take care of myself, instead of trying to find ways to hurt or punish "me".

  I hope I keep changing. Because when you change, you grow. I never want to be stale. I want to be a sociable and interesting person to any stranger I might meet on life's path.

  Sentinel/Karen

  Edited by - Sentinel on 10 September 2002 18:52:20
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  patio34

  Introspection, thanks so much for that good explanation. You're right about a lack of freedom if you won't purchase certain things because of identifying it with JWs. I'll have to give it some thought, or I think really, it will become less and less important to me.

  Spaznik, thanks for your post and enjoying this thread. Sorry I hadn't checked in today yet. Work--it interferes with so much!

  Sentinel, thanks. So much of what you say fits my situation too. It's very sensible and true.

  I hope I keep changing. Because when you change, you grow. I never want to be stale.

  That statement was a good point to remember and I will! Thanks.

  Pat