During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip
joint at least once.
All beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to armpit
level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the
control tower to talk you down.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but
will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price
range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to
turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few
moments.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from
duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone you bump into
will know all the steps.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut. You
will always choose the right one.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communications system of any invading alien society.
Extremely beautiful and intelligent women are likely to become
prostitutes or welders.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by
one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked
out their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom
will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure
they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their total
opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
other.
Radiation causes interesting mutations - not to your future children
but to you, right there and then.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert
on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three
days before their retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their
archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley
systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man eating sharks which will allow
their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing
St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All shopping bags contain at least one breadstick.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.
No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel
to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition
even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make
the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back
home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not
be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer
beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his
forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it
before long.
The chief of police is always black.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a
bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the
exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere
in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night,
you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say:
Enter Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every
morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat
it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give
him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a
sports stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an
object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have
lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending
phone conversations.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are
visiting.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will
never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic
eruption, or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Good people are much better at judging the distances between the roofs
of buildings than bad people.
80% of women are under thirty.
70% of black men are Denzel Washington.
The other 30% are Morgan Freeman.
When running through a forest at night, women are far more likely to
trip on a concealed root than men.
Bomb disposal experts are seldom as successful in their job as
maverick fly by the seat of their pants cops.