Sometimes I really get sad over my situation.
Even though I have never really been active in the cong. I still grew up in a "spirituall strong" family, my sisters all pioneering, my dad is also an elder-still. The reason why things might have been a bit easier for me to not be so active and good-goody is that my parents despite my beleifs had high hopes for me. I was "daddys little girl" and I believe my moms favorite too. Mother and I think alike and have always been able to relate. When it comes to my dad, I was just the youngest girl (with 2 older sisters) and I was a cute kid that said things worthy enough for "kids say the darndest things" tv show. I miss that, even though I was spoiled and I know it was wrong, I hate the fact that I had it-and lost it. I would rather have not ever been the favored one...so that I wouldn't know what I have lost.
A year or two ago, my Dad tells me that I was his favorite, but now he was just so dissapointed in me. It killed my spirit. I cry thinking about it now. I miss my parents, they way they were. I miss it so much. I don't miss the strict rules, but I miss the love. They support me a little more now, than a year ago...but its been a long struggle towards getting things back the way they were. I know I can not and will not change for them, I am who I am, but they are slowly beginning to understand they have to accept me. I am greatful that my parents are being good parents and havn't shunned me like I have seen in other families who disreguard and take for granted families, parents and children. They atleast seem to not put the religion in such a huge role in dictating their treatment of me. I still miss it though. I miss the way dad would snear at every guy that might have looked at me or the long talks my mother and I would have about current events and opinions. I miss my dad giving me cash as I ran off to the movies with friends. I know they are such little things, but they meant a lot.
Sometimes I really get sad over my situation.
((((((jwbot)))))) My heart goes out to you. I feel that way too sometimes - there are a lot of things I miss that made me feel warm and safe and loved. My mother has Alzheimer's and when she had all her marbles she could be a real you-know-what, but I still miss her. I miss picking up the phone and calling her while I'm cooking dinner, hearing family stories. That sense of loss will always be with you but it will mellow into nostalgia over time. Change is part of life. Accept it and make it work for you. It sounds like you've done a wonderful job so far! You've remained true to yourself AND you are rebuilding your relationship with your family in a healthier way. You're doing GREAT!!!! And it's healthy to cry and feel bad about what you've lost as long as you don't minimize what you have. BTW, I always HATED the "I'm disappointed in you" lecture - guaranteed to make me feel like roadkill.
Hi JWBot, many of us here have been through similiar things (not me personally tho), but I can understand how you feel. Those little things do mean a lot once you don't have them anymore...
jwbot: I feel your pain, dear lady. Our lives have been ripped apart, in so many big ways, but also in so many more small ways. I have tried for years to insulate myself from those pains, but am very fortunate to have a cathartic release in sharing with friends like you. Like cruzan said: "And it's healthy to cry and feel bad about what you've lost as long as you don't minimize what you have." I cried almost every day for the first month here, lot's of times just because of reading what so many others have gone through, like you. But....I am healing, and those around me can already see that.
And you are healing too; More power to ya!
I know what you mean, in many ways I had a very happy childhood, and I do feel nostalgic about it. Not nostalgic about the mortifying efforts at a family bible study, or being dragged from door to door, but family holidays, walking in the hills, friends coming over for dinner, just chatting. I was an only child, so of course I was automatically the favorite.
Now my parents don't shun me either, and all things considered we still have an amazing relationship, but it is never quite the same. I would not read too much into your dad telling you he is disappointed in you. I am sure it is the JW programming coming out. It hurts though, my parents have had me in tears many times over the years.
I am just glad that I don't look back on a childhood of constant beatings, fear and recrimination, or sexual abuse. And I am very glad that my parents don't shun me. Things could have been much worse, and could be much worse now.
BTW, IMO, giving a child lots of love and affection, and nice things if the parents can afford it is NOT spoiling a child.
Thank you all so much for the support! It is definitely so helpful. thanks
You have a tough row to hoe, but it sounds like you've made tremendous strides. Keep your chin up. I bet you'll do okay!
Cool name btw.
Edited by - Dismembered on 29 August 2002 10:35:28
words can't take the pain away,,,,but maybe just knowing you are cared for will help some....hang
in there and vent as much as you need to.....we will always listen,,,,we will always care....
jwbot I do understand how you feel. We all miss our happy days as youths. My parents have now passed away and I certainly miss them and think of them daily.
I was the favorite child and I am so grateful they weren't part of a mind control cult that would affect their love for me as yours did you. I dropped out of college because I had gotten wife #1 pregnant. My dad was so dissapointed in me. He had high hopes for me. That dissapointment stung. Then a couple of years later I was divorcing and gaining custody of my boys when he hugged me and told me that my actions over the difficult years behind made him more proud of me than if I had been president of the USA.
Your parents are proud of you for things you can't imagine right now. The dissapointment comment is just to stir you into being a witness. Few of us go to parenting classes and so we usually end up saying something that we wish we hadn't years down the road. Just the fact that your parents associate with you shows you the deep love they have for you. Things will never be the same. My son moved away when he married. I can't have those years back. Your parents can't have their little girl back either. It's just changes.
If your parents could be objective and see the wood for the trees. If they could fully understand the reality and how they have hurt you. If they could see the big picture and not just the narrow thinking which is causing them to act as they do. If they had their full faculties like you and I do - they would be sad and sorry about how they have acted.
They love you. But something is preventing it from flowing as it should.
Sometimes it helps to think of some older wiser version of your parents in some future time, who fully understand the truth of their lives and how they have treated you badly.
You can bet these people would feel huge regret over they way they have treated you. Try to think of your parents that way.
Don't you think - if they knew the real truth of it all that they would not tell you how much they loved you and how proud they were of you.
This is your parents true nature and if the reality is different now its just the damn religion talking, nothing else.