JW Family, How Do They Drive You Up The Wall?

by Celtic 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • Celtic

    Many of us still have JW family still very much held within the congregation.

    Personally, I love my family but they do have this uncanny ability at times to absolutely drive me nuts in sheer exasperation. The things particularly that really gets my goat are the following:

    The hypocrisy. Many people cannot stand hypocrites and I'm one of them. People that make a pretense on the outside to be all things truthful and standing for what is upright and righteous, yet the underlying attitude is one of 'do as I say not as I do'. To most people they are the utter resemblance of reasonableness, yet just underneath the surface is an embittered and twisted personality that seeks only their own self interest, not the putting of others interests first. They seek to look pure, clean and trustworthy, yet they have an alteriour motive that seeks to destroy and not upbuild in any regard. I can't stand / abide by these double standards, kept unseen from others in the congregation.

    The lies. Lying to themselves, justifying their actions, justifying everything they do in the name of God, yet not really knowing Him, or having an open relationship with Him. Afraid to face the real truth, resorting to tactics involving theocratic warfare and hatred for others, despising everything other people do and taking every opportunity to dismiss others thoughtful and compassionate deeds.

    Anger. Bitter words, designed to bring the other person down to their level. To congregational members they appear the most calm and loving individuals, yet in home life, a different truth is displayed, including emotional blackmail and any number of other tactics that essentially anywhere are considered just downright rudeness. OK, take my father for example. For a good part, a very kind man, but despite often complaints to the elders regarding his anger problems, no action is ever taken, WHY? Why one rule for one but not the other? If the elders were to realise the full extent of his anger problems, the man would have been kicked out donkey's years ago. This gets my goat, especially the justification of his behaviourial psychology, his emotional makeup.

    With your family, can you add to this list? Does your family also since you left treat you in a spirit of mildness or more in tune as an excuse, the spirit of the flesh? What justifications do they give you for their actions? How many of you have been 'stumbled' by your families attitudes both now and long gone in the past?

    Celtic Mark - Cornwall UK

    edited for spelling error in Subject Title

    Edited by - Celtic on 20 August 2002 9:49:2

  • minimus

    Everybody at one time or another lies, is hypocritical, and gets angry. JW families seem to be like every other family on this earth when it comes time to drive us up the wall.

  • mann377

    I couldn't agree more! Remember, it is better to stay quite when the JW's take to their high horse and holier than tho attitude. Let them hang themselves with their own words. Keep in mind that they live in a different world than we do. As a light of hope, maybe one day one thing that you say will stir their interest and start the deprograming process. This is what keeps me going and not freaking out.

  • Celtic

    Never Minimus, is that the best you can come up with eh? Look, I work in the field of psychology in social systems engineering, really, if this is the quality of your answers, please desist / refrain from replying to my posts in future.

    The questions asked are formulated from the perspective of putting myself in someone elses shoes, in which manner it is hoped, that an enabling might be accomplished for those still struggling to come to terms with all the issues. Please bear this in mind when posting bumpth in reply.

    Mark Price

  • mommy1

    I have said this before but the hot and cold behavior towards me. I also can not stand the " Jehovah will take care of it" who cares attitude when something horrible happens.

  • Granny Linda
    Granny Linda


    First off I'd agree with the statement that as for families in general, there is little difference between JW's and many others. But in trying to stay in context with your specific question regarding the JW family it's difficult for me to really pin point any one action because I came to hate the entire mindset of that group.

    Not only am I one of those who have great contempt for JW's, but Christianity as a whole. That based upon my own observations and close workings with said people for too many years. I tired long ago of any group that labels me a sinner, in need of their particular brand of salvation. Guess my biggest complaint would be how some are unwilling to accept self-responsibility...always looking for someone/something to be the scapegoat. POO!

    Now, on a more positive note; I've come to the conclusion that those decent individuals would be such without any religion. That many prefer association amongst a given religion is their business. They are not the hard core fanatics that run amuck in society. Too, I hardly believe JW's are the only sect of people that do more harm then good. Not saying that's what you are indicating, but I too enjoy studying people and when we look at the SHAME issue...where does it differ even from the non-religious folk?

    At the community center my husband and I volunteer at it's quite comical at times. The Methodist do not like the Catholics; the Catholics dislike the other's; and most funny of all is how out of the whole bunch, it's the Seventh Day Adventist that remains calm and detached. They do not throw out their "sinner" stuff..nor do they feel it's necessary too remind my husband and I of "being saved."

    I love most people, even some of those hard core Christians. They can make any day fun just by observering. They certainly remind us too be grateful that we no longer have any need for religion. We stand on our own sense of decency and honor minus their oft times babblings about God and Jesus. As ususal I got off track, but what the hey.


  • Celtic

    Hiya Granny

    Please expand upon your community based initiatives, very interested in learning more. Cheers matey!!

    Celtic Mark - Cornwall UK

    PS This is where I work http://www.selfdirection.org and http://www.can-online.org.uk

    Edited by - Celtic on 20 August 2002 10:36:48

  • jgnat

    The Brick Wall. I come up with an elegant and reasonable rebuttal, or point out some inconsistencies in WTS history and doctrine, and all I get is the pleasant, indulgent smile. "You poor, lost soul, you. Lucky I got the Truth."

    On the lighter side, I think there are many opportunities to annoy the heck out of JW family and friends. Stiff people are easy to knock over.

    • Send lovely pics from Holidays, Birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. "Having a Wonderful Time" "Wish You Were Here" "Sorry you couldn't make it, maybe next time"
    • Respond with the pleasant, indulgent smile. "Lucky for me I can think."
    • Hide the comb.
    • Mismatch all the navy and black socks.
    • Excuse me, honey. Gotta take control of the remote for a sec. Oooh, look! Dateline!
    • Sing Christmas Carols in July
    • Honey, I am pretty sure you should not be listening to the anthem before the game. Better leave the room.
  • Granny Linda
    Granny Linda

    Hey, Mark.

    After looking through that one site you posted, I'd have to say the community center we volunteer at pales in comparison. I rather like the idea of what goes on where you work. This community is certainly in need of more educational opportunities.

    The gest of the center here... sometimes I really think it's about keeping people dependent, rather then encouraging them to move forward. It's just weird...really. I get so frustrated at times with the arrogant, holier than tho attitude that some display towards the individual who is truly in need and WANTs to affect a personal change. Thankfully I do believe there are other agencies within this valley that do such, it just isn't where we work. How sad.

    Because this community center works under the guidelines of the 501(c) tax status and is also sponsored by a church...maybe that's what makes the difference. Although they do have to qualify for Federal assistance when it comes to purchasing food, things can get pretty crazy at times.

    We offer free clothing...and free food. Because of this repressed area many people are regular customers. They simply go from one church to another getting their needs met. Sadly though, there are those (too many) that simply use this as a means for remaining unproductive and helping themselves along more postive lines. Then I've seen some of the elderly and mentality impaired get treated like shit. Oh boy, that can get me riled real fast.

    Oh, what really gets my goat is knowing without a doubt that those who have unlimited financial earnings; own various properties; stand each week in the free food line! And not only that, this one gal is a known addicted gambler. OH, yeah! we have a casino in town and being such a small town it's not uncommon learning about who is always spending their money there rather then taking care of their family responsibilies. But on our free food days, where the food is donated by local grocery stores, there are no questions asked. No qualification necessary.

    Too, the community center puts up transiets after they have been checked out by the Marshall's office. Many people simply float through this valley on their way elsewhere. Some are given gas voucher's, but then you have to screen the applicant throughly...and they must present proof for everything. It's been an education, that's for sure.

    Clothing and food are also sent to various indian missions throughout the state. Here again, once you've seen how things are it's made me somewhat leary. There are some indian missions that get absolutely no federal assistance, unlike what is believed by many, and yet they never receive anything from us. It's up to the church who gets what. Even then, before the former Director died this past June, illegal things were being done...as sending State food out of State. In direct violation with the contract held. The church turned a deaf ear, and a blind eye...believe me, I was one that raised alot of hell about things. Since then I've learned to pretty much keep my mouth shut and watch this current passing parade of wannbe's that lack compassion for the quote, "underdog."

    As you might surmise from this rather long winded missive I'm getting burned out at this particular community center. We are seriously thinking of moving to Colorado where the former assistant director is now in charge of 4 food banks, and of course needs help.

    Not until recently had I thought that all my years of volunteering might pay off in a real paying job at another type community center. Not all positions are volunteer. My husband and I prefer working on behalf of individuals that desire self reliance over a regular free hand out. Nough said...hope this didn't bore you terribly.


  • johnathanseagull

    Great thread

    Tell you what really gets on my nerves, the way my JW Mum and Dad, think the sun shines outta the arses of my blood family who are still JW's....." oh your brother is doing this or she's doing that " that kinda thing...they've never recognised once my achiements academically or otherwise since leaving 15 years ago.


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