Oh Mother...

by joannadandy 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  joannadandy

  I get a phone call at work today. I am very stressed, my boss has left, thus I am in charge. I had little to no sleep and was very cranky that I was left to blow up 200 balloons by myself.

  On the phone is my mother. Anyone who pays attention to what I post here, knows we have a strained relationship at best. She and my father are taking a day trip. They will be gone over night, and she wants me to check on the two cats. Not a problem, however--I say, "well, why do they need to be checked on?" Not trying to be sarcastic or bitchy, just asking because if you leave a bowl of food and a large water dish in the garage they will be fine and happy for three days coming and going as they please. She gets pissy and says "they need to be looked in on!" And I said "ok fine, whatever" and she gets pissy and says "So are you going to do it or is it too much work for you?" I say "yes!" and she doesn't say anthing, no goodbye, just clunks the phone down. Ahh, but apparantly did not hang it all the way up. I then hear her ranting to my father about how spoiled I am, and how I never do anything for her, but bend over backwards for anyone else but her, and how smart I think I am, and goes on and on for a solid 3 minute rant about what an awful person I am. When she appeared done, I hung up the phone on my end and went back to work.

  It's always a bit shocking to find out what people really think of you. But I am pissed! My tone probably was grumpy, I will own up to that, but I really don't think what I did deserved that kind of a soap box moment.

  So I am off to go check on the cats, who have been alone a whole 5 hours, god I hope they are ok!! (dripping with sarcasm) and I am pondering leaving a note to the effect of: "Cats fine and dandy. Got your mail. Oh and a bit of advice, the next time you want to talk behind someones back, make sure you hang up the phone first." Nothing bitter, nothing scathing, just a little note, to let her know, I heard everything she said.

  Or should I not even bother? Blow it off? It won't accomplish anything anyway?

  And what the hell? Am I that much of a selfish bitch? Cripes, this disturbs me, I always thought I was nice...
• 

  ugg

  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( joann ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) how sad.
• 

  Double Edge

  So I am off to go check on the cats, who have been alone a whole 5 hours, god I hope they are ok!!

  Made me laugh...hahahahahah.

  If I were you, just leave it with the VENTING for now...on this board, to friends, whatever. Your mom was unrightfully miffed...maybe she was grouchy already and this just took her over the top. What she said isn't necessarily what she feels...she just needed to get the 'pissyness' out, so it came out in those words....take it with a grain of salt. Don't leave a note...if you want her to know, next time you see her say, "You know, when you got off the phone the other day, it didn't entirely disconnect, and I heard you say several things, including I am spoiled. What's that all about? Is that what you really feel". That way, it's out in the open, she'll wonder what else she said and it shows her that you're being very ADULT in confronting her. If you write a note, it only fuels the fire and it becomes harder to move on. IMHO
• 

  musky

  Joanna, How about confronting your mom about how you felt about her attitude? Sometimes if things are brought out into the open, it is a good thing. I would definitely tell her that you heard her with the phone off the hook. You gotta give the advantage to yourself right of way
• 

  joannadandy

  Ugg it's not that sad! Haha! This is not a sympathy seeking thread, it really was minor, and I do chalk it up to two pissy people talking to each other on a Friday morning

  I have confronted her before...not pretty...and it was over stuff far more serious than this...which makes me think double is right and I should just let it go. However, she has said stuff like this, about me being selfish, and un-thankful to my face before. So it's not like she responded to me this morning. She honestly feels I want to do nothing but piss her off.

  ...ahh sweet family life...hahaha!
• 

  Prisca

  When I hear of things like this, somehow it makes me a little bit glad I don't have a mother.
• 

  Gopher

  Joanna,

  You said in your latest post "it was really minor". But it bothered you enough so that you vented the feelings out here!! I view each interaction with people you care about or who you regularly deal with -- as important. Each action builds trust, or it breaks down the relationship.

  In any case, your mom is one who brought you into this world. It may sound a bit selfish, but because she took the initiative to bring you into the world, she owes you everything. Whatever it takes to help one's child throughout life, that's what it is binding on the parent to do! (Even the Bible says the parents must "lay up" for the children, and not the other way around.)

  So when she asks you certain favors, it is entirely voluntary on your part. Especially now that you're an adult. You deserve more respect but heaven only knows if you'll ever get it from your mom. Knowing you, I know you'll try to hang in there with your mom and make it work.

  This thread really is about her lack of appreciation for you as a person.
• 

  larc

  Now, for my contrarian piont of view. If I was having a strained relationship with one of my adult children, and asked them for a small favor, I would have reacted like your mother, including the comments afterwards. Hearing sullen, begrudging comments from one of my children sets me off.
• 

  Incense_and_Peppermints

  it does seem lke a minor thing, but it certainly bothers you. and it's something that wasn't resolved, so it's going to prick you a little bit until you attempt to make your feelings heard...

  i wouldn't leave her a note. i would talk to her in person and tell her in an honest, unemotional way how you feel. after that if she still wants to hold onto her anger for whatever reason, it's on her, not you. at least you will have tried. some people you simply can't reason with. and rather than let it fill you with angst, the best thing to do is let go of that person emotionally, otherwise they will stil have some control over you, and that's not good... i hope that helps. (stupid cats, it's all their fault, lol)
• 

  joannadandy

  Larc-not picking on ya, not being sullen or sarcasti either but:

  Hearing sullen, begrudging comments from one of my children sets me off.

  Is this true of anyone, or do you grin and bear it from other people, but let yourself be set off by your children?

  Goph, and Incense- You're right, it was minor but it did "set me off"

  This brings up another point I have always wondered about: why do we treat our family members the way we do? We take all kinds of crap from co-workers, friends, schoolmates, teachers, whatever. But the slightest provcation we lay into a family member...