Dearest Beck,, so sorry to hear that today was the day 15 yrs ago of your loss. I remember you told me about this in an email and I cant imagine the pain you must be feeling on this day. My mother committed suicide on September 15, 1985 and that day always brings up the pain as if it were yesterday. It even starts weeks before the actual date of her passing, sometimes I just don't see why I am so edgy and nervous, then I look on the calander and remember it is that time of the year again. Another reminder is that sometimes around September the nights get a little cooler and the leaves begin to fall,,,,,,,,,, fall was her favorite time of the year. This year I plan on something special for September 15,,,,,,, I am not sure what exactly , but since leaving JW I have finally admitted to myself the part that the JW had in her death. Even thou it was by her own hands, she was d/f for only 4 months when she died, they never once tired to help her and she , by her final exit , left a message to all that she was in pain. They didnt even care then. Well, I dont care about how they feel anymore,, this year I will mourn my mother in the way the WT never let me, even thou it has been so many years. But being out a year and seeing what the WT has done to the child abuse victims and to ones who are victims such as those with emotional problems and suicide victims, it is like a fresh wound to me.
I hope Beck that you are able to mourn in the way that you should, I wish I had answers for you as to where our loved ones are,, I can only dream they are watching us and sending us some kind of peace. This year since I left the borg, I have had a strange sense of peace regarding my mother, that I never had as a JW. ....makes me wonder if she is trying to tell me something,,, I don't know, just my experience .
I could have emailed this to you beck, but I thought that you deserve hugs and love from the real family that you have here,,,, we meet here in this site, but our love is worldwide. I am sure all of your friends here would like to have a chance to tell you how much they love you and send their sympathy. It is not good to go it alone,,,, I know I did that for way too many years. You have us and we will be thinking of you throughout the day.
Love ya Beck,,,,,,, my favorite aussie,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Dede