Stupid parent tricks

by LuckyLucy 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  LuckyLucy

  As a child when i would cry (a big no no in our family)

  My dad would say" If you keep crying I will give you a reason to cry"

  If we spoke at the dinner table, he would reach across the table (did'nt matter how far away you were..his arm seem to grow) He would thump our heads as hard as he could(leaving a bruise)

  My mom used to refer to us as "her stupid kids"

  For so long I really believed I was stupid...NOT!!

  For so long I would not cry in front of others.

  For so long I thought hitting people was acceptable.

  Just curious of what went on in your home...the mean sayings and acts....that affected you long term
• 

  joannadandy

  Hmm...it still goes on...only my torment has always been psychological. Dub parents are good with that. (I had a friend tell me one time-Gawd, your mother isn't jewish is she? to which I said "worse, she's a jehovahs witness)

  Just a few weeks ago my mother brought home prozac. She told me in so many words it was my fault that she had to take it, because of the akward situation I had put her in because I no longer attend meetings. "Well mother dear, you have needed it for a long time, if you need to make me an excuse to take it I willingly be that scapegoat so you get the help you need" I didn't say that, but I should have.
• 

  zenpunk

  It was rough when I was a kid. The beatings, the headgames. I used to hide in my room with such despair it was crushing. Now my mother especially resents me as an adult because "I beat the system". I left it all and became successful. In our household women were considered second class, not worthy of education or joining the workforce. This was partly because of the atmosphere my father was raised in himself and partly because of the JWs. Now my mother just focuses on the apostate aspect as the latest excuse not to be proud of me. It's all she has left. She told me once that she realized when I was 5 years old that she never wanted to be my mother. She's been looking for excuses to fuel that hate ever since. The JW lifestyle fits right in. It's sad.
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  writerpen

  I could write a book about this, as many xJWs have already. The emotional turmoil was perhaps the worst in our house. "You're stupid," "fat," "ugly," "I'll give you something to cry about," "I brought you into this world, I'll take you out," "Children should be seen and not heard," not to mention all the beatings. But for some reason, it has been the words that have hurt the most. The WTS encouraged this behavior especially in the 70s and 80s (at least that's when I remember everything).

  As a kid, I remember so badly wanting to hear a talk telling parents not to abuse their kids, telling them that belittling is wrong, and that children are precious beings that should be given the most tender care. Instead all I ever heard from the platform was not "to spare the rod," and not to irritate your children. Of course, I thought maybe not irritating your children was a step in the right direction until those f**ks in NY made "do not be irritating your children" to mean that you must be consistent with your punishment. Therefore, if you say you are going to hit your child, then you better do it, lest they be irritated and your prayers hindered.

  It angers me every time I think about it.
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  DakotaRed

  For me, as the only boy of three kids, I got it all the time. My Mom would decide to whip me with a branch off the cherry tree while my Dad stood in front daring me to cry. If I did, I got his leather belt across the face. If I didn't answer fast enough to suit him, he would throw a shoe across the room, more than once bloodying my nose. I came to know the back of their hands quite well also. Since we were dirt poor and couldn't afford a big enough house, I always slept on the living room sofa. My Mom would sometimes wait until I was asleep and slip quietly outside. Then, she would scratch the window screens to wake me up, all just to scare me.

  At 17, she tried to hit me for the last time. I blocked the swing and shoved her down on the sofa telling her she was never going to touch me again. She never did. At 18, after High School, I came in from working all day and as usual, my Dad was drunk. He decided my younger sister was in need of a beating and tried to. I was already in a tired bad mood and stopped him cold in his tracks. He then turned on me and decided he was going to kick me out, after a manly beating. I lost it completely and fists started flying. The neighbors actually called the police, who didn't do anything. The fact that I whupped him must have really shocked him, but I didn't care. I moved out the next day and have been on my own ever since. As soon as I was out, I contacted a Lawyer and had my sister removed from that house too.

  The next time I saw my parents was when I was 21 and had completed my first tour in Vietnam. Then, and only then, was the first, last and only time my Dad ever hugged me. But, was he hugging me or the uniform? I returned to Vietnam and when finished there, came back to the states and was married, then off to Germany and started my family. We never did resolve anything and they are both dead now.

  While rasing my daughters, though, I was bound and determined they never expereinced anything like I did and treated them as I always wished I had been. There was discipline, but it was adminitsred lovingly and today, both have told me they enjoyed their childhood. A few years ago, they wanted to know more about my childhood, since I rarely had talked about it to them. I opened up and told them the whole gorey story and they were shocked.

  To those of us who survived abuse, you don't have to pass it along. All the enjoyment I had as a Dad more than made up for the way my parents did me as a child.

  Lew W
• 

  teenyuck

  Why are parents so hateful to their children?

  What you all wrote about happened to my sister and I, to my cousins (my mother's sister's kids) and is now happening to my 2 half brothers (dad got remarried and had 2 more).

  Writerpen's comments could have been written by myself or my sister.

  I don't understand why you have children if you are not going to care for them and love them. I don't mean turning them into spoiled brats, however, there has to be a middle ground.

  My sister took the approach of treating her son like a baby...his whole life. He is 24 and a complete Mama's boy. She baby talks to him. She says no one is good enough for her wonderful son who is the smartest, handsomest, most athletic, most/best/everything.

  He of course, is none of those things. She went overboard to compensate for what she endured, IMO.

  This is continuing the cycle of messed up kids in our family.

  This is one of the reasons I do not have children. No matter how many Oprah shows or books I read, I am afraid I will be one extreme or the other. I have absolutely no role models to know how to be a good parent.
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  Mum

  We were not allowed to feel our feelings. In fact, it seemed that we were punished more severely for feelings than for behaviors. I won't go into detail, but there is a lot of mental illness in our family which caused a lot of suffering for the kids.

  I am more concerned with my inadequacy as a parent. I was not as vile as my parents were, but I know that my daughter had a terrible time because of my inability to do what I wanted to do for her. Being a JW parent was a nightmare, and one of the reasons why I had to get out of the org. I could not stand by and see my child not develop her gifts and talents. I would not have wished the life I had on my worst enemy, to say nothing of my own precious child. I knew that if we remained JW's, she would be a brainless drone as I was, or she would have to rebel, risking her safety. She still had to rebel because her dad remained a JW. But she got out and is about to graduate from college in December.

  Now, there's my granddaughter.....
• 

  BeautifulGarbage

  Though encouraged, beatings are certainly not unique to dubs.

  My Dad came from a poor southern family. The "pick your own switch off the tree" type. Just about everyone I knew growing up got hit in one form or another.

  Both my parents hit us, but the BEATINGS came from my Dad. My worse and LAST beating happened when I was 10. Now, my family, for the most part, had left the JWs. What did I get beat for? Forgetting to take out the kitchen trash. I forgot a lot. So, to try and get me to "remember" my Dad decided that every time I forgot, he would double the lashes I got with the belt. So, he started out with five, and each time I forgot, he would double the lashes. So, five would become ten, and ten would become twenty. Well, I made it to twenty. Did I suddenly remember to take out the trash? Nope. See, I always did my best not to cry when beaten. I would literally hold my breath. I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction. But, this time, I screamed. And screamed and screamed. I didn't care if he beat me some more, I would just scream more. I drew my line in the sand. My Dad hated noise and was always quieting us, so I was going to make him suffer. I remember being crouched in the hallway of our apartment screaming and crying for what seemed like hours. After I felt he had had enough, he quietly told me that he would never hit me again.
  
  Though, that certainly did not go for my siblings.
  
  
  Andee
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  Larry

  Before I had my 2 cent, I just want to say - Reading those experiences really emphases why this broad is needed. Writing is therapeutic and I'm sure we all feel better after we express our feelings.

  As Lucy, in the Peanuts, would say "The Doctor is in - 2 cents please. Simon my 2 cents is in the mail

  No, I didn't get many beatings, but my mother sure would try and make ya feel guilty. I remember around the mid 70's one of the CO was visiting our Hall (matter of fact I think it ws JR Brown!) and I fell asleep. My mother was visibly upset over that - She berated me and said "How could you fall asleep on such important information!" If looks could kill, I would have been a goner :) I wonder how important that life saving information is now :)

  I think one of the main reason most of my family are witness is because of my mother - I'm sure if they thought about leaving the BORG, they would be concern about her reaction more than the BORG's reaction. Yes, Moms is an excellent 'CULT-ta-va-tor.'

  Peace - LL
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  LuckyLucy

  Most of you make my life look like a day at the beach.

  DakotaRed.......It is so awesome that you did'nt "let them win"by being just like your parents.

  Your daughters apparently have always loved and respected you.By you telling them about your past.. I know they have even MORE respect and love for you.To have them tell you they had a great childhood...well it just does'nt get any better than that!! I just want to shout " Hip Hip Hooray!!

  Puffs...i never trusted myself to have children either..

  I get the feeling that most of us feel like the mental abuse was more damaging than the phycial abuse( although when being phycialy abused you are also being mentaly abused)We all heal from bruises but the mental pain can last a lifetime.

  Now when my mom insults me it still stings a little...but I have to remember most of the time she does'nt know she is doing it ..it's just habit.