Letters to my daughter: PART 1

by witchywoman 17 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Sentinel

    Hi Anita,

    I've been noticing that you are posting more and more. They are great expressions from your heart, especially this one, which I know came from deep down.


    When it comes to our children, as mothers, we would go to great lengths to "save" them from any danger. It is our nature, we cannot help our instincts in this area. And what do we get in return? We get told that it's none of our business and they don't appreciate our butting into their life. We are told that we are to blame for every unhappy thing thats ever happened to them. And, then we are left with all this guilt. It isn't fair is it? This is just regarding "normal" stuff. It hurts, but we do have to let them go. We have to watch them trip and fall through life, making their own mistakes, just like we did. And, when their kids grow up, they will blame their parents too.

    Their attempts to find themselves also includes having their own belief system. When that belief system is the borg, and we know what it did to "us", it breaks our heart. But, there is something we really do have to remember, and that is, "we were once where they are now". We believed and we had the true faith. It's such an individual thing for each of us. The more pressure we put on loved ones still "in", the more they grow to resent us.

    It hurts, but we have to find a way to "let go". We have to stop punnishing ourselves. The past is the past. It's over. Everyone has to learn to move forward. It is the only way we can find some peace ourselves, and maintain some semblance of a relationship with our children, or family that are still bound by WT rules. We can't change the past, but the future is whatever we want it to be.....

    Love and Light,


  • Sprocket

    I struggle like you do. I have three children that were raised in the truth, still apart of the organization, and as convinced as ever. I have written letters but only received one 'form' letter saying that they will accept me back when I see the light. hum!

    It has been four years since I have seen them in person. My son turned 27 years old today. I found out through a series of connections on the weekend that my middle daughter (24 yrs) is getting married in November, 2002. She does not want me to know about the wedding in case I showed up. My niece, their cousin, gets married in August 2002. Neither of my children will attend as a result of my niece geting married in a church (Interesting: that doesn't explain why they cannot attend the reception afterwards). Truth is (sorry for the pun) they don't want to go knowing I will be there. Things like these are heart wrenching.

    At times I feel like being more aggressive with them, but I still feel the best route is to be kind, fulfill my obligations (spousal support to their mother) and be persistent. Maybe the proverbial expression of "heaping fiery coals" will apply.

    It is not easy. Hang in there. My heart is with you witchywoman!


  • witchywoman

    smiler: welcome aboard, and I need to let you know that that is why I have not used any of her actual conversations with me on this post. These are my letters to her. My reason for doing this is that it may be able to reach out to others that can identify with the same circumstances, and be of some sort of help or encouragement. I have indications from others that it is doing just that.I do, and have, respected her choice, but I will not let her religion control our relationship.

    Sentinel: Hi, I am trying to move forward with her and that is why it was important for me to apologize to both of my daughters. It was important as far as my own growth to let them know that I accept the responsibility of my mistake.

    Sprocket: My heart is with you also. Your story sounds like mine, if you like you can find it, "My Story--witchywoman", love your name.


  • Had Enough
    Had Enough


    I can truly say I feel the pain in your words to your daughter. Your words of love and regret for the estrangement in your relationship are words I have said to my daughter as well. We mended our relationship soon after my divorce from her father but it was still tough as she carried resentment and lashed out at me many times. We have now had some very open conversations about my divorce, df'ing and reasons for wanting re-instatement so badly and how, no matter what the WTS says I "should" do or not do with my da'd son, I will never turn my back on my children for any reason. I swallowed that bitter pill of "forced humility" to be able to be with my family. My heart aches for you in your concern over your relationship.

    My heart aches for ALL who have lost their families due to their stand against the WS.

    I feel the frustration of being stuck in limbo, wanting to shout from the rooftops about the hypocrisy of the WTS, but she has expressed panic at the thought of me saying or doing anything that will have the elders hauling me into a committee meeting and "causing her to have to shun me". Like you, I can't be angry with her for that...I only blame myself for having taught her too well. She believes the WTS hook, line and sinker, so it will take time..maybe a long time...to reach her, to open her eyes. I will still continue to "chip away" at the WT foundation wherever and however I can.

    I sincerely hope things turn out well for you and your daughter. Families need each other without the interference of cold-hearted men making the rules.

    To "smiler": Welcome. I'd like to make a comment on what you said:

    if you believe in freedom of choice, her choice should be repected and understood..."

    What is all boils down to is that her choice really isn't her own...it's dictated to her by the WTS. The WTS has worded their policies in such a way that most JWs follow them thinking they are making the choice for themselves but really they have no choice BUT to follow them. By this I mean...the WTS will usually NOT say "do this" or "do not do that". Rather the WTS words it as: "a wise and mature Christian would not do such-and-such" or "a true lover of Jehovah will do such-and-such". Where does that leave the average JW?...trying to live up to being a "wise and mature Christian" or a "true lover of Jehovah" by making the choices the WTS has suggested, not wanting to be labelled as weak and immature.

    That's what so many here are trying to help JWs see, because many of us on this board have experienced the WTS pressure tactics and now see through it all. "witchywoman's" post will certainly accomplish her mission of trying to be of help and encouragement to others in similar circumstances. That's the mission of many of us here too.

    Had Enough

  • teejay

    Hi, Witchywoman,

    That was a hard letter to read. Probably a hard one to write, huh?

    I understand your wish to do anything to help your daughters -- no explanation needed there. I feel the very same for mine. I'd kill for her. I will do my best to see to it that she gets the very most out of life, that the damage done by *any* religion is minimal, and it's clear that you feel the same for yours.

    I don't know how I'd handle my children, knowing what I now know, if I'd brought them up in the truth and they were loyal Dubs now. I know it would never quit bothering me, though. And I wouldn't give up trying to reach them, if I could.

    Keep us posted. My heart goes out to you and your girls.

  • witchywoman

    Had Enough: How can I say thank you to you? The words do not flow easily for me. I wish I could put my thoughts into print as elequently as you are capable of doing. I know what you are feeling. Stay strong!


  • witchywoman

    Teej: Hey! You know, it`s just that when I hear her talk. Read her mail. It`s as though I see myself oh so many years ago. Although she has no children. She is a pioneer, she has bible studies to take care of, a husband that wants her to spend more time with him. And her religion is beating her with the idea that she is not doing enough. Once she told me how tired she was and how she hoped to get inspiration from the assembly because she was just about to chunk everything.

    witchywoman--------btw, man I love that song!

  • Had Enough
    Had Enough

    My dear witchywoman:

    Your words do a fine job....they expose your heart. Just look at the many responses here that thank you and tell you they were moved to tears. It's refreshing to read your heartfelt expressions and genuine passion in trying to make a difference.

    And I'm happy to see so many applauding your courage and determination. I've met some fantastic people here and am thankful everyday for their encouragement this past year and a half. That kind of comradarie has kept me going during so many rough times. I know it will help you too!

    Hang in there!

    Had Enough

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