Meet the Parents!

by ShaunaC 15 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  riz

  Shauna,

  Welcome to the board! I feel for you in your situation. Losing close family ties because of leaving the org. feels like such a betrayal. Your family is thinking that they are doing the right thing, but it is such a shame that they (and anyone who lets the org. think for them) are willing to sever family ties. It just doesn't make sense to me. I am happy that you have a boyfriend like Nick. He sounds very supportive. And the ironic thing is that he is getting the worst witness. The org. says that df'ing is a 'loving provision', that they are 'keeping the congregation clean.' Where's the love? I don't see it. Try to not get too discouraged. I know it's not easy. But remember that we are here for you, supporting you, and we understand.
  take care, Shauna.

  riz
• 

  larc

  When I left I was fully aware of the consequences. I left behind all of my family on my mothers side and many friends I had known since childhood. I kept in mind that when I was a true believer, I would have done the same thing I knew they would do to me, so I was not surprised by the outcome. In my opinion, if they show any degree of friendship and love, they consider themselves as being brave for "bending the rules." I was grateful for any crumb of kindness they showed. In my case, many years went by, but my zealous JW sister does talk to me now on a regular basis. I am sure that none of her friends at the Kingdom Hall know this.
• 

  thinkers wife

  Shauna,
  Sounds like it went as well as could be expected. Your post expressed exactly my sentiments about how my parents treat me.
  I was going to say a lot of things, but as usual Wendy beat me to it, and said exactly what I was going to say. Keep your chin up and enjoy your real relationship with Nick.
  TW
• 

  mommy

  TW,
  I am sorry, next time I will call before posting heehee
  Happy,
  I know that is the stage I am at now. Take it or leave it. This is me, and my children will not be hurt over their simple minds. I remember 2 years ago my mom came to visit the kids and Miranda wanted to play Barbies. I could see my mom getting uncomfortable because she doesn't belive in Barbies(long story) So she is explaining to my 4 year old daughter she will play dolls with her but won't call her Barbie. The look on my daughter's face was priceless...She was looking at her like she was crazy. I know she was thinking you will play with a Barbie but won't call it Barbie?...Kinda like alot of the things the Jws do.
  Oh well I am now going through the second shunning because I will not carry on this fake relationship. Yes I still show respect, but I will no longer put my family in second place to her views. Thanks for your concern. And I am truly happy for you that your parents can accept you and yours.
  Love, wendy
• 

  ShaunaC

  Thank you all for your comforting words. Wendy, I am so sorry about this commom situation being compounded by having kids involved. It shows no true love to inflict this punishment on innocent children. And as Riz said, it's the worse witness. Don't they think the kids won't remember how grandma treated them while growing up & know it was because of the WT?!! How stupid! My thoughts are with you!

  Something you said really got to me, Happy. You explained how much you were still open with your parents. It seems that despite the strain, you have managed to maintain a closeness that enables you to speek so freely. Although my mom was my best friend up until I left 2 years ago, I don't think I ever really opened up to her about my true feelings. I was raised not to discuss your marital problems with anyone, which I extended to my mom. And of course I never explained my problems with the WT because I already knew the only responses I would get. So when I walked away from it all, it was a great shock to them. This even though my ex & I were living with them at the time to help them out financially.

  I did write in a letter last May my reasons for not wanting to remain married and for chosing to leave the WT as well. (This was still before doctrinal issues came to the fore.)

  At the only meeting we've had last August to specifically discuss me leaving, my dad expressed with anger his hurt at me not confiding in them about what was really going on. I tried to explain that I didn't feel I had the choice because the only thing they would tell me was to rely on Jah. That's not what I wanted to hear. And I suppose because I knew I was disappointing them I chose not to face them.

  Other than this one talk, our meetings are very fake & superficial. They do not even say anything about me coming back. The subject is completely left alone. I guess that is another reason why, on another thread, I asked if I should have an all out honest talk with them about how I feel about the WT and the fact that I will never return. I was wrong not to explain things in the beginning. That's probably a big reason they hurt and punish me for it. I wonder if having the talk now would make a difference.

  I would love to have the relationship that you have Happy. It seems like a good compromise on both parts. But perhaps in examining my relationship with them in the past, it never was as close as I led myself to believe. Maybe even that realization will help me not to be sad about not having it now.

  Don't know much of what I'm saying. My brain is mush. Thank god it's Friday!!! :)

  P.S.
  TW, I promise to reply to your personal email soon. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I look forward to us talking more about it.

  Edited by - ShaunaC on 16 March 2001 13:39:34
• 

  happytobefree

  Mommy

  I am glad that you are now TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF and YOUR FAMILY. And I want you to realize I did not arrive at the relationship with my parents overnight. I was fortunate to be able to have a wonderful therapist that help me to build the current relationship and it has taken a good 4 years. And believe me I have some horror stories I could tell you. But one thing that I have learned is that the what if's are worse than actually doing things. And whatever unpleastantries (sp) my parents (especially my father) would throw at me, I would counter with love and when I could not find love to give, I would end the conversation and come back to him with a clear mind. And one thing I realized is that FEAR was the biggest obstacle between my parents. They were afraid of what I was doing and I was afraid of revealing my AUTHENTIC self to them (I was afraid of rejection). And I remember my therapist telling me, the only thing I had to lose was a unhealthy relationship (because their behavior WAS NOT and IS NOT love).

  Well I could go on and on, so once again I wish you well in your second shunning. But remember don't let ANYONE make you feel uncomfortable in your OWN SKIN. You are a beautiful lady on the outside (according to your picture) and your beauty on the inside shines through you words on this database. If you mother want to be so damn blind not to recognize the beauty that you possess, then let he go and be happy with her SO-CALLED friends. I bet she does not even have ONE friend she can even confide in about her children straying from the BORG.

  Shauna,

  .....Although my mom was my best friend up until I left 2 years ago, I don't think I ever really opened up to her about my true feelings.....

  Tell you mother how you feel about your lost of her friendship. If she go back to the become a JW shit. Tell her you love her not BECAUSE she is a JW, but because of her characteristic or her being your mother. And go from there and explain to her how you are really feeling (I mean REALLY, not the JW BS). If she shoots you down, remind her that she is still your mother and you will love her no matter what.

  But whatever you do, do not return their anger. And when they speak mean to you, remind them how it makes you feel and that you do not understand their behavior.

  Once again I could go on and on, so I leave you with wishing you all the best. And I know if you are TRUE to yourself, it will work out for YOU.

  Happy to be Free (Me)