Or did you have the truth in your HEARTS? Brothers and sisters.
As every dub Knows...one must measure these questions against the key indicators of spiritual health and well being.
FIELD SERVICE/ MEETING ATTENDANCE/ PERSONAL STUDY/ and PERSONAL PRAYER.
How were your key indicators? Be honest now.
My own indicators.
Meeting attendance ...... Not if I could possibly get out of it.Thank God my mother was always sick, I used to get out of 1 meeting a week that way.
Personal Study...........I used to underline half a dozen paragraphs so it would LOOK like Id done personal study if any nosey crow looked over my shoulder during the WT study. I decieved my brothers. But there was no decieving my GOD!
Field service.......... My spiritual impoverishment was reflected clearly here. I used to hate it if it started raining and they decided to do backcalls...I HAD NONE! I never "placed" magazines but used to slip them under doors of "Not at homes" just so I could log some placements. I did the bare 10 hours. Sometimes I only did 6 and LIED on my form saying Id done 10 ! (May God forgive me)
Personal prayer......Too scary to think about, I had nothing to say to God except to ask for things such as mercy and forgiveness for all my sins. He never answered me, thus indicating even greater impoverishment. I used to pray to God to show me how to pray with feeling and meaning, but He just ignored me. The sunlight of his approval always got a dark cloud before it as soon as I approached Him. After I got baptized I was constantly in mortal dread that I would be asked to pray publicly and every one would see my impoverishment. I used to go to meetings with a prayer layout written on the back of my hand so I could refer to it if I ever got asked. It ran- "Thank Jehovah for the association of brothers...the pretty flowers...the air to breathe...The ransom sacrifice...then ask for holy spirit to guide the congregation...amen ".
Edited by - refiners fire on 2 August 2002 18:36:37