by refiners fire 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    Or did you have the truth in your HEARTS? Brothers and sisters.

    As every dub Knows...one must measure these questions against the key indicators of spiritual health and well being.


    How were your key indicators? Be honest now.

    My own indicators.

    Meeting attendance ...... Not if I could possibly get out of it.Thank God my mother was always sick, I used to get out of 1 meeting a week that way.

    Personal Study...........I used to underline half a dozen paragraphs so it would LOOK like Id done personal study if any nosey crow looked over my shoulder during the WT study. I decieved my brothers. But there was no decieving my GOD!

    Field service.......... My spiritual impoverishment was reflected clearly here. I used to hate it if it started raining and they decided to do backcalls...I HAD NONE! I never "placed" magazines but used to slip them under doors of "Not at homes" just so I could log some placements. I did the bare 10 hours. Sometimes I only did 6 and LIED on my form saying Id done 10 ! (May God forgive me)

    Personal prayer......Too scary to think about, I had nothing to say to God except to ask for things such as mercy and forgiveness for all my sins. He never answered me, thus indicating even greater impoverishment. I used to pray to God to show me how to pray with feeling and meaning, but He just ignored me. The sunlight of his approval always got a dark cloud before it as soon as I approached Him. After I got baptized I was constantly in mortal dread that I would be asked to pray publicly and every one would see my impoverishment. I used to go to meetings with a prayer layout written on the back of my hand so I could refer to it if I ever got asked. It ran- "Thank Jehovah for the association of brothers...the pretty flowers...the air to breathe...The ransom sacrifice...then ask for holy spirit to guide the congregation...amen ".

    Edited by - refiners fire on 2 August 2002 18:36:37

  • ISP

    I wasn't too bad....but then I just left!


  • refiners fire
    refiners fire


    I hope you werent that Pioneer / MS who LECTURED me in front of all the others just because I had a paperback copy of "The Godfather" in my witnessing bag. ??

    Please brother....say it wasnt you.

  • libra_spirit

    Meeting attendence- I had no choice here, attended them all! Brainwashing was very successfull and all proper levels of guilt and fear were firmly implanted from childhood.

    Personal Study- You have to be kidding, it was my personal study that has helped me finally heal from the crap they layed on me there! Personal study to them is really personal programming with thier garbage literature, written for a 3rd grader!

    Field Service- My absolute downfall, with inactive parents who were looked down on as bad examples, I loathed going in service with all those righteous elders who really had no incentive to help me whatsoever. A most painful expierence to walk up to a house and try to place literature with an actual person who usually seemed to have a stronger faith in God then me. I finally pioneered for a month or so and that was when I realized it was morally wrong, because my faith in my God was so low compaired to the people I was trying to save.

    Personal Prayer- Another crock of shit for me growing up as a JW. I usually never got past the asking forgivenes of sins part, as I couldn't really ask to be forgiven for masterbating, I just plain liked it too much to be sorry for it. All the past, failed promises I had made to God to quit the evil act! It was only after being out of the Org for many years and having tried many other paths to God that I could even attempt such a thing again as "personal prayer!" I don't even like to call it that, I would prefer meditation, or inner guidance, or even communing with God or contacting the Light. The expierence at least now has some measure of meaning to me, but not when I was a JW. I never got any answers to prayers then, and actually, if I had it would have probably been considered demonism...LOL! as all supernatural works, like Jesus performed, were considered evil. The Jw's wouldn't recognise an answered prayer if it happened to one of them, they think it would have to do with thier silly preaching work, rather then a persons sacred path in his own life.

  • LizardSnot


    ...meeting attendence was good...as a matter of fact...I had to push my mom to take us sometimes.

    ...personal study sucked...well...because I always thought the subject matter sucked

    ...field service sucked...well..because of the previous reason ;)

    ...personal prayer was good...always thought that mattered more than the crap the dubs were trying to feed me


  • refiners fire
    refiners fire


    How interesting. I almost envy you your balance thru the whole thing. It appears you knew from early on (I assume you were raised in the cult) that it was not for you, but you didnt let it affect your relationship with God. Quite an achievement. It also appears you were eager to get to meetings so you could hang out with your buds.So it didnt socially screw you up either. An enviable state to be in.

  • plmkrzy


    My Only indicators

    I wasn't much concerned with the other stuff.

  • Beck_Melbourne

    Refiners: I should have married you!! My ex dictated my spirituality and I was a reflection of his power tripping....but in my heart I was an impoverished worldy wannabe.

    Meeting Attendance: I was dragged to meetings since I was born....all I ever knew on a Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday were meetings...I'd had a guts full by the time I was a grown up. But because the ex was reaching out, I never missed many meetings - you see we had to attend them so that the ex could get more privileges such as a talk at the next circuit or district assembly on families HA! The best reason to NOT go to the meeting was because one of the kids were sick...then I didn't appear to be slack and I could stay home and watch something forbidden on TV.

    Personal Study: I used to hide racey novels inside my WT and would read them instead...the ex NEVER knew....and I always used to mark my WT with lots of bright coloured highlighters...it looked great - but the markings were only random, not even the correct answer....I used to do this because whoever was on mics used to peer down and see if you had marked your WT or not. Geez I looked like such a spiritual flower in Jehovah's garden! HA.

    Field Service: I used to love rain-offs....first sign of rain and I considered it cruel to keep the children out...so it was home again and curling up with a book time LOL. My hours were pathetic, if ever did 5 hrs a month I was really going gun-ho...but my usual was 2 hrs per month and that was stretching it...I hated FS....worst wasted hours of my life spent trying to tell people that they were gonna die unless they did what I was doing - stuff that.

    Personal Prayer: I stopped praying years ago. My ex had this thing about praying every goddam minute, so I used to rely on his alone. He prayed first thing in the morning 'thank you jehovah for the day before us and help us to blah blah blah'....he'd pray before EVERY meal, even snacks - what a nut - you might get to meet him tomorrow btw if you're lucky, he's calling in LOL. And he used to pray at night before sleep, and this one I was always meant to pay special attention to...he said it was to be 'our' prayer....and every time I would fall asleep and remember to mutter 'amen' at the end. He thought I was so wicked for that - NUTS i tell you.

    I'm done.


    Edited by - beck_melbourne on 2 August 2002 21:25:24

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    ..."I used to hide racey novels inside my WT and would read them instead".....

    awww. your kidding. I thought i was the only one ever did that. I once cut the guts out of a WT book and pasted James Dickeys "Deliverance" inside it. But i got caught by the old man...that guy was a SCANNER. He could reads minds!

  • Prisca

    Meeting attendance - Attended every meeting without fail, only stayed home if I was sick or for some other major reason. I often had to pick up other sisters to take to the meetings, so that often meant I went even when I didn't feel like it, becos it was too much hassle to call the sisters and tell them I wasn't going. It was easier to just go, pick everyone up, go to the meeting, take everyone home.

    Personal study - Depended on my mood. I never studied for the Service Meeting unless I had a talk to give. Pre-study of the WT came and went, and came back again, but it wasn't a big deal to me. I usually studied for the Book Study because there was only a handful who would answer up, and I was one of them, so I felt obligated to study so I wouldn't let the Conductor down.

    Field Service - Went out every Saturday without fail, unless it was teeming with rain. When I was in High School, I would go out witnessing every Monday during school holidays, even if no one else in my family was going out. My dad would drop me off at the Hall, and I would go witnessing with the bros & sisters, and they would drop me home afterwards. I was an unusual kid, eh?

    Personal Prayer - Prayed at lunch and dinner-times, rarely any other time unless I really needed help or guidance from God. I believed He was listening to me - He must have, cos I asked for proof that I really was in "the Truth", and He showed me the real "truth" about the "Truth".

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