Help me please!

by Ardilla 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • Ardilla


    Please help me, I need your advice.

    When I worked, I met a married guy who liked me. He flirted me many times and what I did wrong was to follow his game, but I didn't allow anything between us, although I like him very much. I quited to my job two months ago, because other reasons but I can't forget him. I cry many times and don't concentrate in my studies. It's horrible what I feel, and don't know what to do.

    You know, I really have this troubles too, because for me it's hard to believe in an eternal love, with so many broken hearts outside and divorces, etc. But I also think about the family of him, and I don't want to heart anybody. I believe that many things you do, right o wrong, you'll pay with the same coin. But anyway sometimes I want to tell him what I feel... I don't know...

    I look foward to hear from your opinion. Thanks in advance.


  • Celia

    Aaah... Love and desire and the pain that can bring....

    You must be very young. I was once romantically involved, ages ago, with a married man... Gasp !

    I rationalized and justified it by saying : I love him so much, how can it be wrong ?

    and also : Well, he is the married one, I am not, so it's his problem, not mine...

    Looking back, he was such a jerk, I can't believe I was so taken with him, but as I said, I was young, so young and naive...

    Edited by - Celia on 1 August 2002 13:25:23

  • LuckyLucy

    sorry..but us girls should stay infringing on someone elses territory.

    Even if you really believe you love him ...leave it alone!!!

    Even if he left her for you will never trust him ..cuz in the back of your mind your always going to wonder if he will do it again.

    When my hubby screwed around on me (no longer with him)I went after the chick and tried to kill her with my car.

    Your opening a huge can of worms here.

    How would you like if some chick went after your hubby? boyfriend?(if you had one)


    maybe even killed!!

  • zenpunk

    I left a successful career years ago because I was madly in love with a married man and I couldn't deal with it. I suffered unemployment and immense depression and starting over at a crappy job. It took me about 5 years to really move on and now I have a very good job again, ten times better than what I was doing before. I know its painful, but the worse thing I did was let my grief drag on for 5 years! He took my youth away from me! I even called his house a couple of times in my foolishness, but, despite his supposed feelings, his wife is the mother of his children and that's a hard bond to break. He's married and will probably stay with them, even if you break his front door down and tell the entire family about your love.

    I still think about this man from time to time but I no longer spiral into a depression about it. I now have a married life of my own. I just wished I hadn't wasted those 5 years. Especially your early 20s. You never get those prime years back again. Just fill your life with other activities that bring you happiness to the best of your ability and don't look back. There's no sense reminding him or yourself of what can never happen.

  • Francois

    If you tell him how you feel, you are opening the door just enough for him to get his foot through. Don't tell him anything.

    Are there any children? If so, get on your Nike's and take off in the opposite direction as fast as you can run. And keep your mouth closed while you're doing it.


  • SpiceItUp

    I would drop this one..

    I commend you for not taking it to a physical level and hope you let it remain that way....

    Just think---there is that perfect one out there for you---it will happen when the time is right....

    After all---say for instance he did leave his famliy for you---He might also do that to you later that cheat cannot be trusted especially with something soo fragile as ones heart.

    just my .05


  • zenpunk

    Spice is right - and the fact that he was so flirtatious isn't cool either.

  • cruzanheart

    Okay, let me play Dear Abby here. I understand how you're feeling, and the emotions for this guy are very strong. You are such a good person, though, to be thinking of his family at a time like this! That shows a lot of love and a very healthy attitude! My advice is to stay away from him and try to find things to do to take your mind off the infatuation. Now let's look at this guy objectively: (1) He is a married man and he is flirting. If he is willing to go farther than that, it means he is a man without honor (to sound old-fashioned), who does not respect at least one woman on this planet (his current wife). (2) If he's willing to cheat on his wife, he will definitely cheat on you too. (3) You are worth more than that!!!! (4) Even if he does leave his wife and take up with you and he's just the most perfect specimen of manhood on the planet, you will end up taking care of a ready-made family consisting of children who view you as the homewrecker. Stepchildren are a tough assignment under the best of circumstances, but this might be more than you want to take on emotionally. (5) You are worth more than that!!!! Be strong, take some courses in things you are interested in, join an amateur theater group, do some fun things that take your mind off him! And that's my two cents' worth!


  • sunshineToo

    When my hubby screwed around on me (no longer with him)I went after the chick and tried to kill her with my car.

    Your opening a huge can of worms here.

    How would you like if some chick went after your hubby? boyfriend?(if you had one)

    maybe even killed!!

    Whoa, Lucy, you are soooooo tough!!! ;-)

    Well, Ardilla, my thought is the same as all these friends. Leave him. You don't want to destroy another woman's ( his wife's ) and innocent children's life, do you?

  • libra_spirit

    Wow, what a bunch of good old prudish family advice everyone is giving you! I'm afraid I have to agree, I was involved in a workplace romance once, we both agreed to keep it "not serious". However she ended up divorced, and I ended up hurting for her till she finally left town. No good will likely come from this. To get involved with someone who is not available requires a lot of maturity and age, and most people just aren't that strong or opened. If you want a relationship where each day you draw love and strength from your partner, then you should look for someone who can at least be there with you. A man with a wife, no matter what he says, will not be there most of the time, so most of the time you will spend alone in a state of "longing for him" as you are now. Since he has to work, he will be there, but on the weekend he will be home with his wife, and you will be alone or with someone else. Don't mess with married men, you will get hurt. That is my advice to you.

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