I would like to share a story with you about a childhood friend I had. She had been sexually abused from the time she was 3 years old up to age 14. When she became an adult she had a hard time functioning in society. Went into debt paying outrageous medical bills,threapy,and medication. This even furthered her depression. Her molester spent a total of 18 months in jail. She spent her entire life in living hell. She is no longer feeling any pain. The 4th suicide attempt succeeded. Her daughter also commited suicide (six months later) I can't help but to wonder if she had won a cash settlement,maybe she would have gotten the proper help she deserved.Maybe she would be here and her daughter also. my heart
Should survivors get cash settlements?
by LuckyLucy 6 Replies latest jw friends
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kat7302
(((((lucy)))))))
Thats a sad story and unfortunatley there is no short answer. Of course it would be ideal to say yes, she should have had a cash settlement and maybe she would have been around still today but then think of all the cases similar to this in the world..all the poeple who suffer with depression for other reasons ie being brought up a JW.....I supspect that the authorities/governments dont rush into this settlement thing because it wouldnt be long before people would be able to adapt it to every situation in life. In an ideal world, the problem of wether or not she had the funds to help with her depression was lesser than that the abuse shouldnt have happened in the first place. In these cases, I guess you'll never know. No doubt the financial worry only helped her find herself in a lower position but the basis for the depression and low self worth was already there. You will never know whether or not easing this financial burden would have saved her life or her daughters...the main thing is to remember the good times you had with her. You were obviously a good friend to her and thats worth far more to a depressive person than any amount of money.
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Incense_and_Peppermints
dear lucy, not only do i think they should receive cash settlements for their pain and suffering, they should also be able to file criminal charges against the watchtower society as a whole. as you have observed, the pain trickles down onto our loved ones.
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abbagail
This is TRAGIC, mother AND daughter. I am sooo sorry! And I have to agree with Lucy on this one. Having money WOULD HELP, especially if you didn't have insurance in the first place. Even if you are on SSD (social security disability) and you get Medicare, Medicare discriminates against people with emotional issues in that they will pay a regular MD (for a physical problem) EIGHTY PERCENT of the bill; whereas Medicare only pays SHRINKS and/or PSYCHOLOGISTS/Therapists, etc. FIFTY PERCENT of the doctor's bill. -- Whether private insurance companies discriminate in this say way (i.e., how much they will reimburse for therapy), I do not know.
True, money cannot remove depression in and of itself, but you can USE the money for several things if you ARE depressed:
1. Hire a live-in social worker or therapist or nurse to care for you when you cannot even get up.
2. Hire a psychologist or therapist to MAKE HOME THERAPY VISITS on a DAILY BASIS, if needed, if you are too depressed to even get dressed or get out of the house. If you had enough bucks, you could afford that.
3. You would have enough money to keep searching until you found the therapist that "feels right" for you.
4. If you had enough money you could check yourself into a HIGH-CLASS REPUTABLE mental health facility for as long as needed, or as often as needed, like the rich CEO's do, where you get QUALITY HELP rather than the crap you get at the county mental health facilities. -- And/or you could afford to check yourself in to some of the major reputable medical centers, like Johns Hopkins, who know a heck of a lot more about depression and medication than your average Joe Blow Shrink in your regular Town, USA (or elsewhere), who usually do more harm than good with their incessant prescribing of pills. -- And there are special PRIVATE mental health in-patient facilities strictly for women with sex abuse issues. But THESE COST MONEY.
5. If you had enough money you COULD SUE the abuser in CIVIL court, whether he had any money or not, it wouldn't matter, as long as you could afford to pay the attorney. (Remember, OJ has never paid a cent of his judgment won by the Goldman family, but that wasn't the point for them either. The point was getting justice for the victims.)
6. The STRESS of trying to pay the rent and the medical bills, medication, etc., ADDS TO depression. If you had enough money, at least HALF the stress would be OFF YOUR SHOULDERS, i.e., the weight of the struggle to survive financially would be non-existent and you could focus every ounce of energy that's left toward getting help, feeling better, doing things of a positive nature rather than having to worry about MONEY all the time, and whether you will be able to keep a roof over your head.
7. Sometimes GETTING AWAY helps depression tremendously. It's the feeling of "being stuck," "trapped" with "no way out," that keeps depression looming and growing. If she had money, she could just TAKE OFF on a LONG trip, and stay gone for as long as it takes. And she could afford to take her friend, Lucy with her, and pay her way, too, and pay for her time off work, if necessary. She could afford to rent an RV and hire a driver to drive her all over the country to the beautiful mountains, etc. Or a long cruise anywhere in the world. Just seeing nature, with someone to help you, is medicine in itself, with no toxic side effects.
8. If she had money, she could hire whatever help she needed at any time, to help with housecleaning, chaffeur if she was too ill to drive, pay someone to do errands, someone to come in make food for her, etc. etc. Not being able to keep up with life, even messing with getting food and preparing it, whether due to physical or emotional illness, can really really send you over the edge. And not eating right or sleeping on dirty sheets can make you even more depressed.Your friend may have felt she couldn't take all the pressure anymore (financial and emotional) and that there was no other way out of the situation but to kill herself. This is another instance where "waiting on Jehovah" is not always the wisest thing.
I definitely feel money WOULD/COULD help victims, no doubt about it. I guess you would have to have "been there yourself" to see the obvious benefits money could do for a person in this type of situation.
Lucy, was your friend a JW? What about her daughter? Was the daughter also abused?
I'm so sorry. This is very sad.Hang in there, please.
Grits -
orangefatcat
What terrible pain to bear, and yes a broken heart indeed for all who loved her.
Why did this terrible thing happen? I shake my head a shed tears of grief in my heart for her and her daughter. What a terrible waste of human live. One can only imagine the sufferings she endured in her tortured mind. Such sadness.
Perhaps a cash settlement may have eased some of her mental and emotional and physical pain. But it would never wipe away the memories that tortured her mind, they would always exist. The GB, has much to answer for, as Jesus ordered them to care for the sheep of the congregations and so many of the sheep have literally became slaughtered sheep. How shall they reply to the Great Shepherd of the Flock? Many of the lambs of the flock are permanently damaged by those who were suppose to protect them, and now these silent lambs are going to speak up for those who cannot anymore. Lambs unite your fight has just begun and you shall be a victorious. God Bless you, all.
Terry
orangefatcat.
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maximumflash
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oops wrong user name
Edited by - maximumflash on 30 July 2002 20:38:45
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Cassiline
Hugs to you (((((((( LuckyLucy))))))))
Her pain must have been great and well as her daughters and yours. Something must be done to help abuse survivors/victims cope. And quite possibly first and foremost the WTBTS will change their policy and abuse survivors will be able to receive monetary settlement to help with the medical expenses. And the years of pain they endured.
If that is impossible, (monotary settlements) perhaps enough exposure will force the hand of the WTBTS or it will be forced by public opinion and assured they will no longer be allowed by secular authorities to ignore pleas for help and let the pain continue.
A poem and a song, one I have always enjoyed and one sent to me by a very good friend.
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush. Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.Jordan's Song
A vane turns as young leaves begin to rustle,
a limb gently bends..
I remember back to when I was ten
sitting with my grandpa on the front porch swing
"Another traveler just past by," he says.
Then gently, he draws on his blackened hickory pipe
and leans back with a bit of a smile.
"Travelers?" I ask.
"I see nothing but fields and blue skies.
Grandpa, what do you mean?"
He tells me to shut my eyes
and only listen as he softly begins,
"Some men see only with their eyes and others,
with their hearts.
But I was only ten when my grandfather taught me to see within my
eyes.
So shut your eyes and open your mind now."
Feel the wind, how it blows;
do you ever wonder from where it comes,
or to where it goes.
Who starts the wind, and why?
Some are just a gentle breeze,
others uproot mighty trees.
It lifts the birds into the sky
then, it stops as if to die.
See the wind against the sky...
another traveler just past by.
So, now I see though within my eyes.
The wind, it blows with each passing of a soul.
On angels' wings I see the breeze and, I feel the air
of a travelers' hand gently through my hair.
"Oh Grandpa, I see, I really do!"
The wind, it lives.
It lifts the birds and moves great trees.
And it even stops
then, it kisses me and whispers in my ear...
"Remember me when you feel a breeze,
a vane that turns, the rustling leaves.
I'm with you still, I always will."
...another travelers just past by.