by AlphaPlus 28 Replies latest jw experiences
Hi, Alpha. Glad you decided to speak up here.
Before I could offer a comment on your situation, I'd need more information. There's a lot that's implied but not actually said. I gather that you are still living with your grandparents, and still in your teens, is that right? Please tell us more about your situation.
Thanks, and welcome to our board!
COMF
Hi, AlphaPlus: I'm so glad you decided to post. You will receive a great deal of support here and won't feel like you're all alone in your trials.
Do what you feel you want to do in your heart but my advice is that you must take action and put together a plan. When you do, you will be proactive and not reactive. Make new friends as quickly as possible. That will ease the situation somewhat. Start putting together a plan for possibly moving out if you have to. You may not have to depending on the reaction of your grandparents. Then, and only when those pieces are in place, be honest with your grandparents. You will know where to go to from there. If you don't get baptized, you won't get involved in the DFng or DAng process. There probably will be some flak, however, from your JW friends and most probably you will be considered bad association. They may or may not react. Others on this board can give a better opinion on that scenario.
When you start taking action, you will feel better. You can always talk to us for support and, if you make an effort to make friends outside the congregation, you will have someone to at least socialize with. However, they will not be able to relate to the JW experience so be prepared for that. I know I wasn't and it was very frustrating for me to try to get them to understand. I post that part of my frustration on this board and simply keep my other social life on a laid back friendly basis rather than spiritual. The spiritual aspect of my life I work out here and in private. This takes time and it's okay to take a spiritual break, as long as you do not leave God out of your life entirely. Healing and trusting again will take time. God knows this. There will be time for you to recover spiritually and by all means get baptized in the appropriate way and not through the Borg. I would not want to discourage anyone from dedicating their lives to Jesus.
And by the way, there are plenty of nice young ones out there to associate with. Just continue to use your bible-trained conscience, however, and don't get involved with kids who are involved in things that you know go against God's laws. Get involved with more Christian friends. There are some on this board who will disagree with that but, IMHO, I can see no good coming from getting involved with the wrong crowd.
Graduating when you were 15???? That says something right there.
Hang in there and use that sharp noddle you got. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Trot
Hey guys :)
Trish I got the same sort of response that its an attention thing you only do it cause no ones paying attention to u but that's not it at all. And by pretending nothings happened and that everythings great afterwards just makes it worse u feel like doing it again and getting it right this time. Are all jw families the same with stuff like suicide just shut off and can't deal with it? Like i'm over it now it was a few years ago but at the time I was just shocked how they even insisted I get back to the very first meeting I could and I knew it was only to show face. Do any of u have pics? Lemme see ;) I've got one on my yahoo profile http://profiles.yahoo.com/lukania
Trota thank ya very much what you've said makes perfect sense. There's no point just announcing something this big it'll only bring everything crashing down. Gotta have things in place before telling them. I get so close to telling them sometimes though like yesterday during watchtower preperation they made a smart lil quip about my lack of effort to get baptised or progress I just shruged and we kept reading but ugh i'd of liked to tell em. A few weeks ago I found an article on bbc about pedophiles in the jws and I wasn't suprised cause a young witness friend of mine (he moved away a long time ago) told me he was abused by a brother in his last congregation and nothing was done although I didn't really believe him then, I do after reading that article. So I printed it and showed it to my grandparents who both said well yes this is serious but for legal reasons the society can't just announce pedophiles names over the mic afterall they're trying to change so I thought reasonable enough and asked them to show it to the elders. Well the elder read it, told them to tear it up and that it was apostate nonsense and expressed concern that I may have had my spirituality damaged by reading it. I confided in an elder a problem I was having a few months ago and after the 1 time I talked to him never again has he approached me or asked how I was going or anything. Same as my witnessing i've been putting in a report every month but haven't gone for what maybe 5 or 6 months but the sad part is no ones noticed. I haven't been to any witnessing groups (and i was really regular before that) and then I just stopped and no one said a thing hehe doesn't suprise me though after reading through some of the posts on here
Well i better have breakfast ... bye guys :)
Hang in there Alpha. You'll know waht to do when the times arrives.
I confided in an elder a problem I was having a few months ago and after the 1 time I talked to him never again has he approached me or asked how I was going or anything .
I got bad news for you brother, that is standard procedure. NOONE ever gets the help they expect or the support they need. Your statement there parallels my own experience when I went to the Elders for help with a "weakness" I was struggling against. Just a sad fact of WT life.
RUN! AS FAR AS YOU CAN!
Actually, from your posts it quite clear that you dont want to go to meetings any more. Thats factor 1. Factor 2 is the problem of how your grandparents will respond and whether you are ready to break out on your own yet. Being 17, maybe youre not yet ready to move out of home. Its a knotty problem but one many here have been through. I personally wanted out of the church once I hit 18 but didnt actually leave till I was 24, at 25 I moved out of home. I can only say that moving out of home, while scary at the time, was the best move I ever made. Maybe it will be the same for you. Regarding your grandparents being hurt by your leaving the church, that is going to happen, sometime, unless you choose to deny yourself and play lets pretend for the rest of your life. Sorry theres no easy answer. With regard to your attempted suicide...good job you didnt succeed, if you had, you would never know the things your going to know once you break away and set up your own life. 2 Young friends of mine succeeded in killing themselves, both pioneers, both in their early 20s and living a life they didnt want to live . Living up to parental and church "expectations". They were living a lie within themselves and saw no hope for the future. If it ever comes to that with you again, just walk! Anything is better than being dead....even hurting your grandparents.
I would retain the idea that you will leave. Leave mentally first but still go until you sort out your crap. I would go for the fade away.....it worked for me! You have your own business? So you have to put more time in. I would ditch the midweek meetings and goto a 2/3 Sunday meetings a month. If you think it will 'kill' people you value.....don't do it........all in one go. Give them the time to get used to the idea. No rush, you know. We aint going anywhere!
ISP
I certainly went through confusion when I left because I didn't fully understand my disfellowshipping and still felt it was the truth. It was only when I finally outed that I felt free. I can truthfully say that I feel some of here are like real 'survivors'. People that broke free from the machine. We really have something to celebrate. I occasionally forget this when getting bogged down with doctrinal issues but I just remind myself of what I have actually accomplished by peeling away the mental barriers and how easy it would have been to have kept the blinkers on and never known different.
Hello there. I think Refiners Fire and the others gave you good advice. The only thing I would add is to take things slowly. You do not necessarily need to leave your grand parents quickly. Make a small move or statement and see how it is accepted. Slowly exert your independence with small steps and note their reaction. Do NOT get baptized as you then open yourself to df. & da actions. Remain the same person you are in actions as long as it does not stop you from becoming who you want to be. So as to not arouse fear in your grand parents. As mentioned previously build a support group of friends, not jw's, that can support you emotionaly. Pick these people with care. Make a firm decision that suicide is not an option to solving problems or finding relief from stress and problems. If those thoughts reappear get medical help.
You are a young man with ALL the possibilities of life ahead of you. Realize that not all will be this difficult. Many amazing things full of joy and love may lie ahead of you if you just take life one day at a time and do what you think is right at the time.
We all wish you the finest out of life.
