I have this friend who needs some advice...

by Hmmm 14 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Vivamus

  Please tell Timmm that my sympathy goes out for him. If his conscience tells him to go public, he should.

  About his family. If they decide to shun him, it will make it very difficult for him to assist them, but hell do what he has to (he may have to give financial assistance through his never-been-a-dub twin brother). God, that is about the sweetest thing I've heard. Despite their possible treatment, still wanting to help them, that's love.

  Confronting his family with the truth? That usually works just the other way around. Better to show them Timmm is happy, questions will come. Be calm and logical in his answers, but don't drown them with info.

  Anyway, it is Timmms life and his conscience, he should do what make him feel best.

  And, I am in a similar position with a Dub mum, so please tell Timmm "feel free to e-mail me".

  Viv.
• 

  outnfree

  Hmmm,

  I think Timmm should NOT try to disabuse his family of their notion of a future in paradise. Sounds like the notion might be the only thing allowing them to get through this life.

  There is a sister at my old hall -- new to the faith when I was about to depart -- about whom I had a similar quandry. I decided that she would likely be happier staying than going given her somewhat quirky personality and -- learning disabilities! She would find more acceptance there than most places, and also was happy with what we all know now is the WT fiction. It was a hard decision for me to make, and I imagine when it's your family your concerned about, it's that much tougher.

  However, I would not let that stop Timmm from following his heart about stopping the masquerade. I'm sure many here will empathize with the "I just can't DO this anymore" state you have now entered.

  Heck! We'll discuss this more over a few beers this weekend, if you'd like. You can even bring Timmm!

  out
• 

  Hmmm

  Wow. Thanks for the responses. I must admit that Im a bit overwhelmed. It has taken me a while to respond because Ive actually had to do some work today.

  Flip, outoftheorg, and dungbeetle: I think of the problems of the family as more external - just the situation in which they find themselves Im not sure theres even anything to get themselves out of. But I get your point: Sometimes we have to work on letting ourselves be more selfish.

  Teejay:

  But said sacrifice must hit the mark. It must not be wasted

  Profound words, my man.

  Timmm's parents have been nothing but loving and supportive of him his whole life (if you overlook the small matter of getting him mixed up in a crazy religion). There is no desire to win any moral victories over them. The only concern would be releasing his mother from the ever-tightening bonds of guilt placed upon her by the WT. Her relationship with Timmm's brother, Tommm (why is it that if you see one twin named Tim, the other will always be named Tom?) is fractured in large part because she towed the company line when he decided he didnt want to have anything to do with the truth. Enlightening her MIGHT help that relationship, but it would also cut her off from her parents and brothers, one of whom is a bethel elder.

  Yrs2long: Thank you. Short answer to your questions: No. I have a rather diabolical idea of how Timmm could handle the situation should the worst-case scenario play out, but its best not divulged in public just in case his die-hard brother is lurking.

  Minimus and Farkel: Excellent advice to take it slow and maybe look for a better opportunity. Farkel, I've read with horror your travails with your mother, and I appreciate you sharing your wisdom and experience.

  Imbue: Good questions. It seems that the WT-induced guilt and family fracturing are the only difficulties his family suffers from, and theres no guarantee leaving would alleviate those.

  Vivamus: Thanks for the kind offer. Timmm has been out for a number of years, but dealing with going public and the family issues is new to him. Its comforting to see that none of us is alone in dealing with these issues. Oh, and welcome to the board!

  Outnfree: People often comment that Timmm and I are never seen together in the same place. The truth is, he just doesnt like to go out in public it stems from an unfortunate accident involving a corncob and a box of tacks. We dont discuss it.

  Thanks for the input, everyone! Sometimes we know what we should do, but we need to bounce it off others who have been there.

  Hmmm

  Edited by - hmmm on 23 July 2002 17:2:42
• 

  sunshineToo

  Has Timmm mentioned about his thought to his family members? You know, just asking, "What would you do if I do this?" kind of thing. For me I told my mom about what I think and found about the WTS. So I knew in advance how she was going to react. But I have to say, for my case, at the end it wasn't as bad as I expected. I expected "shunning" from her, but she insisted having dinner with me every Saturdays. We still talk, and I feel closer to her and to other family members now.

  But I don't know Timmm's family very well. However, I can tell that he is in a very difficult situation. ;-(
• 

  teejay

  >> The only concern would be releasing his mother from the ever-tightening bonds of guilt placed upon her by the WT.

  Hmmm,

  I think I understand. Not knowing any more than I do, I'd say that if I were in Timmm's shoes, I would do what I could to set my mother free.

  Last year, I was in a very similar situation when my mother came to visit during Thanksgiving (of all times!). During an otherwise wonderful weekend, at one point she openly lamented, almost in tears, about what I had "turned into." To my face she said that she "could just not believe that I would turn my back on the truth." The memory of how I felt -- hearing her disappointment in me -- will go with me to my grave. Despite all the good that (I think) I do, I am not in the truth and she felt somehow responsible for that, that she had done something wrong.

  I had to tell her that I was still her baby boy, that I would always be her baby boy, that she did a fine job in raising a boy into a man, a man who has an undying love of TRUTH. I gave her a very brief, innocuous example of what I meant. Nothing UN; nothing pedophile. Just a simple example. I could be wrong, but I think it immediately set her heart at ease. That's all I wanted to do. Maybe that's what *you* are talking about.

  -----------------------------

  People often comment that Timmm and I are never seen together in the same place. The truth is, he just doesnt like to go out in public it stems from an unfortunate accident involving a corncob and a box of tacks. We dont discuss it.

  My goodness!! Sounds awful... um... painful? Thanks for excluding the details. I wouldn't want bad dreams.