I can't believe this!!!!!!!

by Delite2k 18 Replies latest social relationships

  • DakotaRed
    DakotaRed

    Obviously, Delite, he doesn't care what you want. Guys like that are worthless, in my book. In time, thoguh, you will get over him. He is a user and scum. You sound much too sweet for him and he took advantage of you. You will be much better off in the long run by going on about your business. He is using the religion to avoid any conscience that he used you.

    The hurt may be almost unbearable now, but in time, it does lessen. Feel free to vent anytime you need and we can help you with this guy. You can do much better. You deserve much better.

    Why did he choose you, though? Because you were there and he took advantage of your sweetness. Instead of appreciating you, he used it as weakness to get what he wanted, then cast you aside.

    What does he deserve? Public flogging comes to mind.

    Sorry to ramble on, but SOBs like that really irritate me.

    Lew W

    Edited by - DakotaRed on 19 July 2002 3:31:51

  • SYN
    SYN

    Delite: Obviously this behaviour of his is quite unrelated to his JW mindset. What is in fact happening, judging by your tale, is that he has found somebody else!

    But, do not despair. There is a rather simple technique of gaining the amorous attentions of any man.

    Just find another guy (doesn't matter who), and then hug and kiss and hold hands with your willing accomplice in front of this loser. He will become so jealous it's not even funny.

    Take it from a man. He won't be able to tell you he loves you and cherishes you fast enough. There's nothing that can stir a guy's feelings like a little competition. Show him that you are available and are not going to wait for his sorry ass to decide whether he loves you or not - show him you're a free spirit. The more raunchy you get with your accomplice in front of this guy, the better.

    LOL, did I just say "take it from a man"? HEHEHEHE.

  • Francois
    Francois

    Please don't try to hang onto this guy. He's a loser. Find another.

    There are many pebbles on the beach.

    Francois

  • Delite2k
    Delite2k

    Thanks to those who replied.

    I am trying to get him out of my system and let go of him, but its hard. So hard. I feel like such a fool and i'm so embarrassed by the way i've been acting at work, I just can't pretend. he can walk around like nothing is bothering him, laugh and smile, while i'm left out in the cold.

  • animal
    animal

    Ask him into one of the offices there, to talk for a minute.. make sure it is where others are within earshot.... once in the room, slap him and yell "dont you ever touch me there again, I am not that kind of girl".. and storm out...... the rest should fall into place nicely.

    Animal

  • Dutchie
  • Scully
    Scully

    Delite2K:
    "Why did he choose me? he knew about my past relationships and how I couldn't take being hurt again. I've tried talking to him, but he says all I want to talk about is us and he tries to avoid the subject. How can I get him to listen to me and hear me out? I just want to talk to him one last time, to get closure. Or am I asking for too much?"

    How would talking to him "one last time" give you closure? He's been dishonest with you, used and taken advantage of you, avoids you, yet wants you to stay 'available' for him in the future. He claims to be busy with work related stuff, then you find out he went to the movies, a ballgame and bowling on the weekend.

    Translation: He's seeing someone else, and doesn't have the balls to tell you.

    Talking to him "one last time" is not going to suddenly crystalize everything into a succinct, honest, forthright conversation, the way you might imagine it will. He's been dishonest with you from the start, knew your feelings for him and used them to his own selfish end. Now that he doesn't "need" you anymore for transportation, the so-called relationship is over.

    By the way, if you had a physical/sexual relationship, that's another story. He can get "reproved" at the least, or "disfellowshipped" at worst, for that one. Then he'll know what it's like to be treated the way he's treating you. Look up Jehovah's Witnesses in the phone book, and start making some calls. Don't worry about getting yourself in trouble. He's the one who wasn't following their rules, and you aren't bound by them.

    Your best bet is to write a letter to yourself. Tell yourself what it was about you that drew this creep to you (too nice? too naive? too trusting?) and then what it was about his behaviour that you found attractive (claimed to follow a higher moral standard? paid attention to you? gave you lots of compliments?) and why he does not deserve your presence in his life (dishonest, user). Finally, include all the wonderful qualities you possess that would make you a good partner in a relationship next time around and what you'll be expecting from someone else before you start falling in love with them. Refer to it often.

    Tell us how it goes.

    Love, Scully

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    Delite,

    I'm so sorry to hear of your pain and what you're going through. It's unfortunate that you have to see him so often, as I think a period of time away from him would allow you to sort out your emotions and regain some perspective. Much harder when he's so often in your face.

    Scully said:

    Your best bet is to write a letter to yourself. Tell yourself what it was about you that drew this creep to you (too nice? too naive? too trusting?) and then what it was about his behaviour that you found attractive (claimed to follow a higher moral standard? paid attention to you? gave you lots of compliments?) and why he does not deserve your presence in his life (dishonest, user). Finally, include all the wonderful qualities you possess that would make you a good partner in a relationship next time around and what you'll be expecting from someone else before you start falling in love with them. Refer to it often.

    This is excellent advice! It's so easy to feel bad about yourself when someone you love decides that they are no longer interested in a relationship with you. Easy to wonder "What did I do? What's wrong with me?" and yet, really, it says more about him than it does you. I would encourage you strongly to get out with your friends, even if you don't feel like it, and begin dating again. I'm not personally interested in a serious relationship again anytime soon but getting out of the house and enjoying the company of other men can do wonders for one's perspective.

    I don't think that his behavior is necessarily due to his being a JW, although that may well contribute to it. As Scully and others said, he sounds like he doesn't have the balls to be honest with you and why would you want to settle for someone like that? He's still a boy. Additionally, be careful about revenge. When we're angry, hurt, and humiliated, it's tempting to want to lash out and cause hurt in return but is that really who you are and who you want to be? The few times that I've given in to such feelings, I've always regretted it. Besides, when we're still trying to control some aspects of a relationship, it means we've not yet come to terms with it and so the healing and moving on process is delayed. Try to let it go and just focus on yourself. I wish you the best of luck.

    Dana

  • Delite2k
    Delite2k

    Yeah seeing him is too hurtful. Thats why i've been calling in a lot, so I won't have to see him. I know If I keep doing that i'll lose my job. I'm really trying to be strong, it just feels like he took away my happiness. I used to be happy, making jokes, making people laugh, having fun. Now i'm the total opposite. In response to Scully, I have thought about calling the KH, cause we were "very" physical, but I don't know which one he goes to. (there's more than one in his city) And your right talking to him, is not going to change anything, cause I can't get him to listen to me. When this situation first started we talked on the phone, not in person. It seems like face to face he can't tell me the same BS like he did on the phone. Why is that?

    And to Safe4kids: I haven't gone out since the last time he and I went out...months ago. I did try one time to go out with my friends, but all I could think about was him. I used to be the type of person who had a few male friends. Thats all it was nothing physical, but they've been trying to date my for a while, but I kept turning them down. because of a past relationship a few years back, I didn't want to give my heart to anyone else. Then I met "him". I still wasn't looking for a relationship, but he made me feel like I could trust again. Thats whats so hurtful, I trusted him with everything I had. I am trying to get out of the house and have fun again. It feels like I have to go through a 12-step program. If I ever do find someone else, its going to be casual not serious. For some reason "he" don't date casually and won't tell me why. But i'll figure out something to get over him.

    Thank you both for the post, the advice you gave is something to think about.

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