Greetings - Would some one please confirm that the Aug 2002 KM has the article entitled "Display Christian Loyalty When a Relative is Disfellowshipped" I want to be accurate with my quotes in this letter. Speaking of which, I'm sending the below letter to my JW family - If you have time please let me know your thoughts -Thanks - Larry :)
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To All My Practicing Jehovah Witness Family Members:
Ive recently come in contact with the August 2002 Kingdom Ministry, entitled "Display Christian Loyalty When a Relative is Disfellowshipped." Admittedly this article isnt "new light" it is just re-enforcing the organizations hardline position on the treatment of disfellowshipped / disassocated people. In view of the below listed quotes from the article, Im letting you know that you dont have to worry about how to deal with me, or concern yourself about being put in a compromising position because Im consciously cutting you off - permanently.
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"2. ...Hence, we also avoid social fellowship with an expelled person. This would rule out joining him in a picnic, party, or trip to the shops or theatre or sitting down to a meal with him either in the home or at a restaurant.
"5. ...The fact is that when a Christian gives himself over to sin and has to be disfellowshiped, he forfeits much: his approved standing with God;.. sweet fellowship with the brothers, including much of the association he had with Christian relatives."
"9. ..."The situation is different if the disfellowshipped or disassociated one is a relative living, outside the immediate family circle and home," states The Watchtower of April 15, 1988, page 28. "It might be possible to have almost no contact at all with the relative. Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum," in harmony with the divine injunction to "quit mixing in company with anyone" who is guilty of sinning unrepentantly. (1 Cor. 5:11) Loyal Christians should strive to avoid needless association with such a relative, even keeping business dealings to an absolute minimum."
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Although the article says "...Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum" I dont even want any minimum contact with you. I refuse to be accepted on a part time or emergency type basis, either you accept whole or dont accept me at all. My stance includes funerals, financial woes, illnesses, etc.
I understand how you have to be loyal to your organization so I do not expect you to change. In fact, you guys belong there. As a conscientious, responsible man who worked and has taken care of my family, giving my children what I never had, I cant not be in the company of people who consider me worthy of destruction, less of a person, thinks I need some type of help, or am someone who "gives himself over to sin ". With that in mind, I consider your company anything but "sweet fellowship." Now that Im on the outside looking in, I cant believe you guys think you are the standard of righteousness - you are far from it.
The mistaken belief of the organization is that shunning is an act of love that will help someone turn from their evil ways. Well let me reassure you that I will NEVER come back to the organization, I see it for what it is and I dont want any part of it. The views that you are forced to live by only makes me resent the fact that I was ever associated with such an organization. In fact, one of my BIGGEST regrets in life was counseling [my wife] while I was an Elder years ago, when her mother was disfellowshipped, advising her that she shouldnt call her mother so often. Im so grateful that [my wife] had enough sense to ignore me.
Ive received a few phone call from some of you guys from time to time, telling me about some family or medical situation and all the while you kept mentioning the reason you called. What kind of conversation is that - Where every other sentence is "well, the only reason Im calling is because..." Its as if someone else was on the other end monitoring the phone call making sure that you dont call me for a normal reason, like to see how Im doing. Ill never forget how Moms was preaching (I call it harassing) [my wife] while I was away in the Army during basic training, saying in effect like you have to be more loyal to the organization than to [me], etc. And how she called the night before [my baby sisters] wedding telling [my wife] she dont think it would be a good idea for us to come to the reception because some of the friends would walk out, etc. Well, you dont ever have to do that again, because Im telling you now - Dont ever call my house for anything.
I would never tell my kids not to talk to you guys, but if you ever talk to my kids, dont dare preach to them. If you think Im part of the Evil Slave Class now, let me catch you preaching to my children. Its bad enough that we have another generation of jw kids thinking they are better than the others by being in the organization. I wouldnt mind if my children would join any other religion but yours. Any religion that break ups families because one members doesnt believe the same myth as you is evil. Shunning takes place in most religions and I think the practice is counter productive, If not out right against all human decency.
You fault me for joining the Military, but I see how the Military rescued my mother when my father died. The Military sent my Moms and each child a check every month after his death. In fact Moms is still benefitting from my fathers pension right now, who knows what other benefits she received. I just want the same benefits for my family. But for me joining the Military, in a non-combatant occupation, it is a major spiritual offense. That reasoning seems very inconsistent. When I joined the Military I had to put someone besides my wife and kids down as a beneficiary , so I naturally picked my mother. But now I have to take her name off - I cant imagine her speaking to me "to an absolute minimum" while Im alive and receiving any benefits from me through my death. Speaking of such, if me and any one in my family dies please dont bother attending the funeral. If you cant talk to me while Im alive dont bother showing your appearance of support later on.
For those of you who says "didnt you know what would happen when you joined the Military." I say, yes I knew the consequences, but you guys have taken the whole thing to another level, going beyond the rules (I know because I had/still have access to the official rules.) Now that I take a closer examination, I see that the position the organization takes towards the disfellowshipped / disassocated ones is really a smoke screen in my situation because it has more to do with our dysfunctional family than with the mad-made rules.
Speaking of man-made rules, I find the organization more culpable than it members, because they have all the control. All they have to do is say jump and the members will say how high. I mean, if the organization says Ok you can talk to disfellowship ones, you would go along with it, just like last year when they said in a Question From Readers that you can pray for disfellowship ones. It seems that you have to wait on them to dictate how you will deal with your family.
It takes an extremely forgiving and humble person to want to be in the company of people who pity them and view them as dangerous. Im not that one. Ive came too far in life to let someone browbeat or try an shame me into submission. The religious blackmail is not working.
To those who say Im demonized, evil , mean spirited, etc. - So be it. If you have to vilify me in order for you to justify your actions let it be. The organization has seen fit to reenforce their stand, which prompts me to reenforce mine. Thus, no hard feelings, we are both doing what we have to do to survive. For those of you who say "but, he knows better" I say - Yes, I know better thats why I left. For those who say "I love you" - Please dont ever say such a thing. You have no concept of what love really is. Love is not phoney hugs or forced greetings - its unconditional acceptance.
In closing, you may say why such anger? I said why not. I cant sit down and express myself to you in person, because itll result in an argument. And since I dont have any destructive habits to release my frustration i.e drinking or drugging, writing is my outlet of choice. I know that the majority of people that is address in this letter wont read pass the first paragraph, if any part of this letter, but Im feeling good about releasing my feelings, writing is truly therapeutic. And since Im not hiding from my pass Im free to write the truth about my feelings.
Take care, it was nice knowing you, the memories were grand, but I dont live in the pass, in the future, or for other people/organization.
Larry