i'm stupid, right? (page 2)

millie210

One other thing....

we all care and want to see you feel better.

I don't think you are stupid, not at all. The problem is your low self esteem. Until you believe, deep in your soul, that you are worthy of being loved by a decent guy, you will continue to get what you are getting.

I know this because I was you. Because of that and the Watchtowers draconian divorce rules, it took me 28 years to learn this lesson. I got the promises, the temporary reform followed by business as usual. Trust me, he won't change. I am happily married now to a guy that respects me, treats me well and doesn't need his ego gratified by dominating a woman. It should only have taken me 27 years and eleven months to learn this lesson, but it is what it is. Don't be like me.

Once you get yourself straightened out (I suggest counseling), your loser guy will disappear, as he will see that you won't put up with his $hit. He is very insecure, he will not want to be with a strong woman who knows what she's worth.

Pete Zahut

You are staying with this clod for the same reason many JW's stay with the religion long after it is obvious that it isn't the truth. It's a case of "Better the Devil they know....than the Devil they don't know" They have no outside friends left, they are convinced they are sinful and flawed and it makes them feel extra virtuous to be somewhat of a martyr for the cause.

Instead of wondering what's wrong with your boy friend or if you are stupid, you need to ask yourself:

1. Do I in someway believe I am at fault or somehow responsible for his actions?

2. Has he isolated me from my friends and family to the point that without him I have no one?

3. Has he or someone else in the past belittled or criticized me to the point that I truly believe I can't do any better?

4. Why don't I understand that this man is constantly finding ways to sabotage himself or our relationship and that I deserve better?

This is an age old problem and you aren't the only one to find herself in this situation. I'm glad you are reaching out to others to help you gather the courage to do what you know you have to do. Once you are free of this situation and have found someone who deserves you, you'll will look back and wonder why you didn't act sooner but mostly you'll be glad you did.

talesin

Call the local women's shelter and ask if they have an 'outreach program'. If they do, you can sit and talk to a professional about this - one who knows the reasons why women stay with abusive men, and can help you figure out your issues.

Much love to you!

xo

disposable hero of hypocrisy

Some great advice up there.

Sorry you're going through this.

You should be with someone that's your best friend, not someone that does any of the above listed things.....

Much love.

DarioKehl

I PMed you.

Alive!

You are not stupid.

You are doing "life" with a difficult and possibly dangerous person who will have a big effect in your life, your potential and growth.

In some ways, it can grow you - and in other ways it could inhibit and destroy all that you can be.

But, NO - you are not stupid.

Doltologist

Embarrassed

If someone told you all that you have told us, what would you tell them?

The Searcher

Would someone who really loved you, treat you in the gruesome ways you've described?

What would you advise someone to do in these circumstances?

You will find a decent loving man, but not this way.

WingCommander

Boot him out again, and this time tell him not to come back. Let his "mommy" put up with his abusive, unemployed self!!!

i'm stupid, right?