If you went back...

LovesDubs

Ive not been to a meeting in five years probably. Yet my husband still goes and I always envision him going in and the hardy handshakes he gives, greeting and being greeted, sitting there with all those suits with the secrets hidden inside, and all those pretty dresses hiding the pain.

If I wasnt disassociated, I wonder if I would be bolder, speak up, be honest with the "friends" instead of toeing the company line. I wonder how the talks sound these days, if they are more terse, more threatening with the advent of the internet and the onslaught of the apostates? I wonder if the panic attacks I felt while sitting there at the end would be gone now? Would I dare sing loud? Would I laugh out loud? Would I answer not from the paragraph?

Would you go back if you could be invisible? Just to see?

Loves
"My task is to bear witness to the truth. For this was I born for this I came into the world, and ALL who are not deaf to truth listen to my voice" - Jesus before Pilate, John 18:37

Englishman

Loves Dubs,

I did once take a peek, many years ago.

It was at the Twickenham (London assembly) convention, I had been DF`d for quite a few years and her Ladyship and me were driving up to spend the weekend in the Capital.

We saw the signs for the assembly and decided to have a look from the outsiders viewpoint. At this time, my hair was shoulder length and dyed peroxide blonde, my beard was ginger and I was thin from smoking so I was pretty well unrecogniseable.

First off, we had to pay to park! We sat down and I noticed all these guys with tape recorders turning, wired into the sound system with safety pins. The teenage girls looked like refugees from "Little house on the prairie". The sisters were all demure and prissy. Yuk! I lated 10 minutes and I was gone.

Good grief, I`ve come over all peculiar......

Englishman.

doubtingsister

[The teenage girls looked like refugees from "Little house on the prairie". ]

That's way different than our last convention, the teenage girls all looked like nasty little tramps. I was embarrassed for their parents. I guess they were hoping to find a husband or something. Poor things.

Frenchy

I still go, Loves. The talks are still the same as are the articles. And no matter what the news is, it's a sign that the end is close.
It's strange that you should mention those panic attacks. I had those too. They have been replaced with great sadness at having lost something that I thought I had. The fact that it never existed only makes it sadder.
I still answer at the meetings. My words always have a double meaning but no one seems to catch it. Sort of like being invisible in a way.

-Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it-

Edited by - Frenchy on 6 March 2001 15:55:43

thinkers wife

I can't go anywhere in my circuit where I wouldn't be recognized.
Frenchy you are the second person in the last two days to mention panic attacks at the KH. I had them too.
Wonder what that means?
TW

Englishman

Frenchy & Thinkers wife:

The panic attacks can be caused by enforced lack of movement, especially if the mind is also ticking over with insufficient stimulation. It makes you twitch! Thats why an exciting movie, doesn`t affect you, but a long flight can produce the same result.

I`m naturally a bit claustrophobic; sitting still for too long will actually cause my heart too pound which in itself can cause panicky feelings as the adrenal glands open up.

Dr. Englishman.

larc

They had a convention in our town a few years back, so went to visit. I was the only one with a beard, so they had to know I was an outsider. I noticed the style of attire was neat, clean 1950's. One of the talks was on the blood and gore of Armageddon. The talk was delivered with great enthusiasm. Another was on business dealings with your brothers - it was the kind of common sense stuff that anyone with half a brain could figure out on their own. I noticed the same kinds of people in the audience as years ago. Some people taking copius notes as if this stuff was really important, some half asleep - probably the more intelligent ones who had heard it all 85 times already. There were pairs of teen aged girls walking causually around during the talk looking for guys. There was no literature stand, which surprised me. I wanted to catch up on the newest of the new light. After two talks I left. I couldn't take any more.

Moridin

I went to a meeting about a year ago and was suprised by the outcome. I wasn't df'd or da'd just inactive. I went up to my friend who happened to be a 70ish grandmotherly woman. She and I had been really close. She said hi and then dismissed me. Well, I was a little upset, but sat down and had two people come up to say hi out of 120+ that were there and one of them was my sister. I thought that people would be happy to see that I was there and trying to "come back", but throughout the meeting I got disgusted looks and outright rejection. The meeting was as boring as always with a little bit about apostates, a little about studying vigilantly, and a little bit about field service.

zev

thinkers wife said:

Frechy you are the second person in the last two days to mention panic attacks at the KH. I had them too.

Ok, make that 3 of us. Mrs zev don't understand it, but its there. And I havn't ever been able to overcome them. I call them Anxiety attacks. Presently, still going...still trying to figure myself out. Still having anxiety attacks. Maybe its a new disorder of sorts?

__

zev

Sitting on the Wrong Side of the Fence Class

larc

Hey Zev,

Maybe those attacks are nature's way of telling you to get the he!! out of there.

"You shall know the truth, and the truth will send you to the nearest exit." Larc 17:3

If you went back...

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