My Life

Paradiselost

My experiences, I'm sure, are not unique among the posters of this forum. I am 19 years old and was born into the religion. My family although devout, avid Witnesses are on the liberal side. I was allowed to sleep over at "worldly" schoolmates' homes during elementary school, participate in sports from 7th onward, and attend dances in my junior and senior years of high school. Five years ago, my mother stop attending meetings on account of the lack of love from local elders. He's the side story... My father at the time was an elder, and his niece asked him to give her marriage "talk". Both being married were witnesses in good standing; however, the niece was 15 and her mate was 24. My father agreed to give perform the marriage, reasoning that it was the couples decision along with the girl's parents as to whether she was "past the bloom of youth". He believed that since the Bible didn't give clear direction that it was a matter of conscience(conscience what's that?). The rest of the elder body disagreed. To avoid further trouble my father stepped down after the marriage. He was the elder who would stand against the majority to provide balance...anyway back to me. When I was approximately 13 years old I became obsessive compulsive in my service to Jehovah. It's difficult to explain, but I would lay awake in bed at night wondering if I was going to die during the Great Tribulation. I followed the letter of the law...I became sick with worry. My obsessive complusive behavior spread to my everyday life. I decided I couldn't live like that, so I slowing destroyed my fears. I reasoned that Jehovah would read my heart and judge me accordingly. When I was 17, I began questioning certain Witness doctrines...for example holidays...esp. birthdays. I couldn't make the leap from the "two times it's meantioned in the Bible" to meaning God doesn't want us to celebrate birthdays. Birth is an amazing give from God...why not honor it. Then I questioned Fathers Day and Mothers Day. "Honor your father and your mother" says the Bible. Then I questioned Christmas...I didn't care if 3000 years ago the Egyptians worshipped the Sun God on Dec 25...I reasoned you could find a pagan significance for every day of the year. And even if Jesus wasn't born then...why not still honor him. Then when I turned 18, I said questioning the Witness blood policy. When I realized the society allowed blood components and that all scriptures used to forbide blood use dealt with "eating" blood, I say the matter as a conscience decision. Then at 19, the floodgates opened. I started reading "apostate" websites, and I started to doubt the infallibility of JW's. Then I heard about "Crisis of Conscience" by Raymond Franz. I had to read the book. I went to amazon.com and ordered it with next day shipping. When I received the book, my eyes were open. Using the Bible it could be proven jW's were false prophets. I wanted out. For 6 months I haven't turned in time and have attended very few meetings. I use work as an excuse. I have a feeling my father is becoming concerned. However, I'm moving away for college in the fall. I don't want to lose my family, but I can't in good conscience be called a Jehovah's Witness, what should I do...any suggestions would be appreciated.

MrMoe 2

(((((((((((ParadiseLost)))))))))

Sending my hugs to you. One tip of advice, do what I did and slip away... this way you do not sever ties. If the family brings it up, simply mention you do not wish to discuss it and quickly change the subject. Keep your calm and act positive, in time they will leave you alone and you don't loose the family bond. Trust me, it is the best way.

Kisses,

Moe

LyinEyes

I totally agree with Moe, slip and fade. That way you can still have dealings with your family and friends. It is hard to find out that your beleif system was wrong, it takes a long time to recover. So I would say dont put any extra pressure on yourself right now, enjoy your youth!!!!!!!!

Very glad to hear you got out in time to make something of your life. Now you can do whatever you want to.....boy, I would have loved to have found all of this out at 19. You have a whole world out there waiting for you, so have fun and keep coming to this site.

Paradiselost

Thank you for the suggestions, I'll take them to heart. I find it interesting that the "brothers" haven't attempted to contact me and encourage me. It's been six months since I've had any measurable dealings with the local Kingdom Hall. Others on this board, which I have been reading for a couple of weeks now, have expressed the harassment they endured. Why not me? They're probably afraid of what I'd say or point out to them. They are not the brightest group of people. Seriously, the average IQ in my Hall is about 80, ha ha...yet oh so arrogant. College will let me fade though. I'm going into medicine, so the next 12 years of my life are pretty much filled.

teenyuck

{{{Paradiselost}}}

I agree with moe and Lyin. I slipped away at age 20 when I finally went to the university. No one contacted me. Except my mother...she was easy to keep at bay; education or pioneering. She decided an education was a wise choice.

It was much easier.

Welcome to the forum. Hopefully you will find strength in others stories.

Tina

Nathan Natas

Others have given you good advice so far, ParadiseLost.

I would add that you should read Ray Franz's book, "Crisis of Conscience." I know this isn't practical for you now, but once you move out to college you'll be albe to.

In the meantime, I want to recommend Barbara Grizzuti Harrison's book, "Vision of Glory" which is available for you to read FREE on line anytime you can log in. It's here: http://www.exjws.net/vg.htm Barbara was among the earliest XJWs to write about her experiences with the WTS - she served in Bethel before she left. She was also a talented writer and you'll finish her book feeling you know her asw a friend. Don't be put off by the fact that her story unfolded nearly a generation before you were born - human stories are timeless.

Put your mind at ease, you have a full lifetime ahead of you with no danger from any sort of divine punishment. Rest well, my friend.

Sentinel

Paradiselost,

Welcome to a place where you can speak freely. There is no one here who will judge you. I understand about your "obsessive compulsive" behavior. I too, was very much like that in my youth, from about 13 until 18.

The description of how your mind thought about different subjects, is so in line with my thoughts at the time. Trying to ask questions along those lines got me semi-labeled as an apostate.

You have made excellent progress toward being your own person. Going away to college will give you yet another means of freedom. You are very fortunate that you are being "allowed" to go to college, as when I was young, the borg was against any means of furthering education.

If you don't want to be labeled a JW in school, then simply refrain from the connection. You are a separate individual and a young adult. Make a choice and stick to it. Slip and fade is a way to avoid some of the confrontations with family and elders. But, it's rare that they simply allow you to walk away without any repercussions. It is very difficult to disassociate by choice, without consequences. I walked away, but it was my mother who refused to let it be. Her handling of my situation within the circle of friends, was that she caused me to be labeled by others. They feared having anything to do with me, because I "thought for myself" and it frightened them. Therefore, it was as if they had disfellowshipped me. I received all the shunning and disconnected friendships.

You will be in a position to make a whole new network of friends, and this will be a definite advantage. You won't be alone. You won't feel alone. Draw on your strengths, and just as you were "obsessive compulsive" about the borg when you "believed with all your heart"--be just as "obsessive compulsive" about creating a new life for yourself outside the borg.

I hope things work out for you and that you will let us know by posting how your life is going. You are our future. Be strong. You sound to me like you are a survivor.

Love and Light,

Karen/Sentinel

Europe

To Paradiselost:

This is what my ex. J.W. friend told me:

Here is what I would have to say to anyone trying to get out of this or who
is having an awakening. Do not adhear to their rules, as in coming forward to
try to make stand or issue. Just drift quietly away. The best way to do this
is to have their publisher's card transferred to another congregation, out of
their territory, and then fade out. That way one does not get caught in the
net of their crazy policies of disfellowshipping. They fade away and do so
unnoticed. Writing dissassociation letters, and waiting to get
disfellowshipped is purely their rules that we do not have to abide by.
God knows, if they want to go that rout.

bad_associashun

ParadiseLost,

good advice stated here for you- if df'd, your life will become a living hell- in every sense of the word- not to mention the mental anguish & destruction of self-esteem.

all the best in re-focusing your energies into a new life for yourself. You have so much of it ahead.

health & happiness :]

Double Edge

My family although devout, avid Witnesses are on the liberal side

Hi P.L. and Welcome...

I'm one of the few 'non-JW's' on this site and I always find people's stories facinating. Just a curiosity question: Were either of your parents converts? (If so, that might make a difference as to their outlook...even though what they portray to you might be different....in other words, they've seen the other side of the world, and it's not as black and white as JW's make it appear.) Again, just curious.

Stick with the site...there's a lot of great people here with good 'life experience' advice.

My Life

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