WHY I STOPPED APOLOGISING FOR THE WATCHTOWER SOCIETY - PART 7
In one of my more daring moments, when I was in my teens, I borrowed a book from the local library entitled 'Thirty Years a Watchtower Slave' written by a former JW. The German author, William Schnell, not only gave an account of his personal experiences as a JW, but also wrote about events involving such key figures as Joseph Rutherford. My reaction was typical of most JWs where 'apostate' literature was concerned: This was a vindictive man who told lies in order to discredit the organisation! Around this time the local view of 'apostate' literature was fairly mild compared with what it is today. Although it was not considered to be a good idea to read what former JWs said about our beliefs and practices, nevertheless, no one that I recollect was even in danger of even being the subject of a 'library job' - a humourous term used by some JWs to refer to corrective 'counsel' administered to a person by a couple of elders which usually takes place in the privacy of the Kingdom Hall library. Yet, it still took courage for me to delve into the 'contaminated' world of the 'apostate'. My previous experience with literature from this source had only been a couple of small booklets from a non-JW I met in the door-to-door work which pointed the reader in the direction of 'Christendom' - something I found spiritually distasteful. Two Very Special Books
Within a couple of years, due to various talks and Watchtower articles on the subject, the local attitude changed so much that I felt I should not even be talking with anyone who offered 'apostate' literature, let alone accept it from them. This heightened sensitivity was no doubt a contributing factor in the guilt and sour feeling I had when first visiting my first 'apostate' web site. Although I had previously decided to stay away from Internet sites run by opposers of the organisation, the discoveries I had been making in my personal research must have had a desensitizing effect. Loathing for 'apostates' was being replaced with loathing for the way the society had been manipulating the minds of JWs. So, eventually my curiosity made me return to the web site I had previously visited. I realised that the lampooning of the society by former JWs provided these people with an outlet for the anger they felt towards it. Although not something that I felt I would be comfortable doing, I nevertheless thought that these people were justified in releasing the feelings that had been coshed and bound up under the name of 'loyalty'. By reading some of the personal experiences of former JWs on a number of different web sites, I became aware that not everyone had decided to change sides and join up with 'Christendom', nor promoted a 'worldly' way of life that opposed my own values. It was encouraging to me to know that leaving the organisation did not automatically change everyone's core beliefs or moral code.
Once again the name of Ray Franz came to the fore. Of course, I knew that he had written a book about his experiences, but I had not dared to wade into unknown, and potentially - as I saw it then - 'dangerous' waters by reading it. In fact I wasn't sure where I would be able to get a copy, as these sorts of books are of a specialist nature. I was now determined to read this book, and I didn't care whether the society considered it to be like spiritual poison. I'd had enough of all the restraints and guilt that had been foistered upon JWs by the society over the years. However, more than anything else, what helped me to make that decision was by finally being realistic about the world. It simply was not reasonable to think that everything opposers said about the organisation was a lie. If, as the organisation said - in order to absolve itself from responsibility over failed prophetic dates - it was imperfect, then it was possible that at least some objections made against the society were true. By preventing JWs from hearing another point of view and engendering a climate of fear over being 'shopped' by fellow JWs, the society is able to wield enormous power.
My search for Ray's book at an online bookstore revealed that he had written two books and so I decided to order both. I was already aware of 'Crisis Of Conscience'. The other book, 'In Search Of Christian Freedom', arrived first and I spent hour after continuous hour reading it. Not only were the contents astonishingly revealing and liberating, but my apprehensions about Ray's motivation for writing were quelled by his non-sensational approach. The absence of bitterness and his appeal to reason helped reassure me that I had not fallen into the hands of a spiritual troublemaker. 'Crisis Of Conscience' was eagerly consumed too, and its revelations about decisions on matters affecting the lives of millions of people were made left me with no room to resurrect the belief in the society's being 'God's channel of communication'.
The long-held view of holy men regularly pouring over the 'Word of God' and praying together in earnest effort to feed the flock was dashed to pieces as I found out that the once-a-week meetings held by the Governing Body (GB) were barely more than propose-and-vote affairs. I was astounded to learn that even though the GB were supposed to represent the 'anointed' in feeding the sheep spiritual food, there were no special arrangements to meet regularly with other members of the 'anointed' to get their advice and views on matters related to spiritual food. How can a tiny group of men truly represent a - by comparison - huge body of people when they don't consult them? Amazingly, it was revealed that some of the major producers of spiritual food were not even of the 'anointed' class - and this was many years before the announcement was made that some of the 'great crowd' were helping the Governing Body in the various departments such as Writing.
There were so many things that made me indignant with the society. It was one thing to make a mistake understanding, say, how a prophecy applied to the nation of Israel, but quite another where the consciences and Biblical understanding of a handful of elderly men were being foistered onto the entire body of JWs with the consequence of great hardship, emotional turmoil, and loss of family members (whether in death or through shunning). In my opinion Ray, because of his knowledge from the ultimate vantage-point as a former GB member, had provided the key any still doubting JWs needed to unlock the mental door that kept them prisoners of the WTS, and for that I am deeply thankful to God. My respect, admiration and gratitude also go out to Ray for being courageous and doing the responsible thing in publishing his experiences. I can honestly say that his two books settled matters once and for all. There was now no way I would be attending another meeting or in any other way give my support to such a reprehensible organisation. I was very, very angry and hurt that I had wasted half my life by giving such trust and allegience to a few human beings I didn't even know!
(To Be Continued...)