Hi ashi,
Considering that my childhood prior to the JW invasion was filled to the brim with fairy tails and fantasies, I actually thought I would be a mermaid. Then Tinker Bell looked good because she could fly. Later I wanted to do ballet or do professional dancing. When I was very small, I could memorize Patsy Cline songs and sang them wherever and whenever anyone would listen. (Believe it or not, country music was it, in those days, and all we all was a radio.) The one time I had a chance to actually sing WITH HER in person, at a country carnival, I froze up and shrank back behind my parents. (I was only four or five at the time.)
I was a crazy little kid trying to get attention any way I could, and at the same time, I was quite shy. I had a very vivid imagination and was very creative. My dad had wanted a boy, so I climbed trees, built forts, flew down the road on my bike while standing on top of the seat! Gosh, through the eyes of a child, things were so simple then. I still have some of the scars.
The real world hit me like a ton of bricks, and while I was trying to learn how to deal with the realities of puberty, along came the Jdubs. I was an honor student in junior and senior high, and could have gone to college. My career choice was being a doctor or a nurse at the time. My grandparents were horrified that I wanted to go door to door instead, so they just kept the money they were going to give me to help me get started. I now had a different mission, and I was special. I had a reall sense of belonging and acceptance. I was blindsided and could see nothing but this "truth" of JW's for the next eight years. Then the disallusionment set it over doctrine, unanswered questions, and no joy. Then I was married and had a child, so my occupation was already set for awhile.
Reality bites and there wasn't any vaccine for that! I suppose, all in all, my experiences have made me who I am today. I don't feel really deprived. My good education, back when High school was still as tough as college is now, prepared me to get good clerical/accounting jobs.
When I retire I will probably continue to write. I also do prose and poetry, and have kept personal journals since 1984. This was a big thing that helped me get through the terrible times of self analysis and self discovery. During the lean times I made clothing for friends, and did water color and oil paintings, free hand. The money I made put food on the table and shoes on our feet.
I'm really not unhappy with what could have been. No use going that direction, since I am moving forward. The past is the past, but the future is whatever you want it to be.
If you have a dream, then follow that dream. You won't know if you don't try, will you?
Karen/Sentinel
