Planning for the future: Funerals

by enigma1863 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • enigma1863

    My dad is now the only Jw in my family. I am technically inactive. I am concerned about when he dies. I don't know if I should have a typical Jw ceremony to fulfill his wishes or ignore them. They are only going to advertise the religion to the family. I assume the burden would be laid on me or my dads catholic sister. Then again he might have made arrangements to keep me out of his funeral.

    What would/will you do when a Jw family member dies?

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot
    That's a tough decision. Since the family is not in the religion I would choose a religiously neutral ceremony. Remember, funerals are for the living.
  • freddo

    If your father expresses what he wants for his service then that is what he should get. I guess his estate is paying for it? If not and you are in charge of arranging it you don't have to choose a die hard elder to take it - at least not in the UK. (Unless you want a Kingdom hall service and lots of jw's don't over here they just have a talk in the state owned crematoriums and anyone can give that at the next of kin's instructions.) By next of kin I mean whoever has authority over the dead person's estate and who releases the funds. He who pays the piper calls the tune as the saying goes.

    I've known families that were jw's choose a friend of the deceased - sometimes ex elders or reasonable speakers who have never "reached out" and who will be prepared to tear up the "wonderful" jw outline and tell everyone about the dead person's good points.

    I did one once after I resigned as an elder - just put in a scripture about the dead persons hope (resurrection of the righteous) and how we could benefit from copying her good points (kind, loved family, looked after grandchildren) and gave her history in what I hoped was a light and kind way. The service was about half hour with a kingdom song chosen by her family and a prayer by her jw nephew but at least 80% of it was about her.

    But I asked what the two sons wanted and they just told me loads of anecdotes and stuff which I related. Seemed ok with dubs and non-dubs and most importantly family.

  • ShirleyW

    The brother I had do my mothers memorial, I pointed out to him specifically I didn't want it to sound like an advertisement for the JWs or I would choose someone else, but he was good friends with my mom so he complied, no problem.

    BTW, the brother my mother always said she wanted to give her funeral talk she thought of as a son, since he lost his mom at an early age. Well, I contacted sonny boy and he said he was busy . . . I hope she heard that since they say our dead relatives spirits or still with us.

  • enigma1863
    I remember going to my great aunts catholic funeral. I was very disappointed no one took the time to talk about her life. It was all catholic mass traditions.
  • Magnum

    I think I would honor his wishes, but if he doesn't have any specific funeral requests, be aware that you don't have to do anything. When one of my JW relatives (inactive with no funeral request) died a few years ago, we just wrote up a little bio and printed out copies at home. We had some food at the house for any who stopped by. It was actually very nice. I think it was announced at a meeting that we would be accepting visitors on a certain night. A lot of people stopped by. We didn't hear any negative comments and wouldn't have cared if we did.

    I'm going to be writing out my requests for handling my own death soon, and one of the requests will be that I have no funeral for a number of reasons. One is that I've never been the type to just do something because everybody else does; I've always thought outside the box.

  • Phizzy
    V.I. said " funerals are for the living." I agree 100%.
  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    my father is still alive at 94--in a care home near me. i see him every other day. i'm all hes got. he was baptised --with me--54 years ago. over the last 2 years the local elders have gradually eased off visiting him--i dont think any have been this year. he hasnt abandoned his religion--its the other way round.

    i have power of attorney and handle all his financial affairs, and have a copy of his will.

    when he passes i plan to arrange a simple non-religious service at the crematorium. any jw's are welcome to attend. but i doubt they will find out till long afterwards.

  • Xanthippe

    If you are thinking of doing a JW funeral I would be aware that you can't trust these people. My brother and sister persuaded me to let a JW take my father's service at the crematorium saying that he and his wife were friends of my mother's from the KH and my dad often had chats with him because they lived close by.

    Well I wrote down lots of memories about my father and they were handed to this guy for the service. On the day he turned every single thing I said into preaching about the cult. Every sentence, every memory, using my name each time he introduced a memory! My father was agnostic and believed in evolution. His sisters were horrified and thought it was all my fault. Just don't trust them to follow your wishes, they will make it into a preaching session. The end justifies the means with these people and they may well lie to you.

  • _Morpheus
    I totally agree funnerals are for the living. If no other realitives are dubbies.... Do as u see fit.

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