Advice Needed...Again (page 3)

under the radar

I guess the first question is, do you want to stay with her?

If you do, then you could point her to 1Cor. 7:13, where Pauls tells wives not to leave (or send away) an unbelieving husband who is willing to live with her. If you are willing to at least attend some meetings and not constantly harangue her about the Truth©, then she has no "scriptural grounds" to force you to separate or divorce.

In fact, if she insists on bringing the elders in on the matter, they'd be pretty much "forced" to support your position.

Of course, as a practical matter, staying with someone who doesn't really want you can be a special hell in and of itself.

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Quarterback

If you don't feel the love, then consider if you can move on. Talk to a Lawyer who can spell it out for you. You can get a unscriptural divorce without congregational consequences. If you find someone who you love and admire, and she shares the same for you, then the sacrifice is worth it.

It's all about pursueing happiness, regardless the costs.

Vanderhoven7

The Watchtower has "scriptural divorce" wrong as well.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL7740BFE40202311E

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Bottom line is, despite the fact that WT claims to not break up families and they tell women to be obedient (remember Selma who was expected to take a beating from her unbelieving husband), the cult mentality is to abandon and persecute someone that questions or leaves.

Theredeemer

Wow! I was in a very similar situation as you! I ended up divorcing. I didnt go to the meetings for about a year. After the year "off" I spoke with the elders, told them how depressed I was during the marriage and yadda yadda yadda. I told them I had a relationship during the time after the divorce but it was a one time thing. I got off with just a reprove.

You could also get divorced and just either fade or relocate. Then play the who gets in a relationship first waiting game. You may be surprised with how quickly your ex would find someone.

Separation of Powers

Unfortunately you have to make a decision......The Clash says it best, "If I go there will be trouble an' if I stay it will be double." Typical catch 22.

If she doesn't love YOU then what kind of relationship do you expect to have going forward....

You can do a lot of damage control before you even make that decision. Be smart about information control with your family. With the congregation. Be smart about your finances. Be smart and make plans with contingencies.

DesirousOfChange

Since you've stated before that your wife's family, as well as your father & brother are all Uber-JDubs (even elders), I would seek out their "advice" so her parents she that SHE is ignoring the Scriptures. DO NOT -- DO NOT express your doubts, as it will make you the "apostate" and you will be construed as a spiritual risk to her. Instead, claim depression -- depression because of how she is treating you, not loving you, emasculating your headship, etc etc.....

YEP! MAKE HER OUT TO BE THE UNLOVING, UNCHRISTIAN, FRIGID BITCH. And her parents are the people who raised her with these principles??

Second, if you are the principle breadwinner, take control of the money. Take the bitch off of your credit cards and bank accounts. Do not let her have spending power over your money.

Good luck,

Doc

Blackfalcon98

If there are no kids involved, I would:

Resign, submit letter of DA to any friends inside, the elders, and her family.
Ask for my wife to come home, or else Divorce her for disloyalty (perhaps a bit harsh....I know)
Move on, and start living the real life, Get involved with new things and eventually find a wife I can be happy with.

But thats just me. Or you could give her time to sort through her emotions, etc.

My prayers and well wishes,

Blackfalcon98

smiddy

Go to the media , newspapers , Tv current affairs , go public with why your wife wants to divorce you unless you stay a jehovahs witness , which is blackmail.

If you havent got the balls to go this far then threaten to do so , in all seriousness , send a letter to the Elders in your congregation saying you will name them personally , as well as threatenining to send a letter to the branch office also naming the Elders in your congregation , and stick by your guns , they will try to intimidate you , even threaten you , however I assure you they will back down .

I have been their and done that , and they capitulated , the Elders do not want a black mark against them with the Governing Body . they will do anything to avoid it.

Just dont give in to their pressure.

smiddy

Oubliette

You are not "screwed forever" unless you let yourself be.

Tell her in no uncertain terms, "You are my wife and we are going to be together. You do not get to give me ultimatums in regards to what I will do or what I will believe. If you can't live with me under these conditions, then let's be clear: YOU ARE ENDING OUR MARRIAGE. Not me. Don't play any games, they are for children.

If you can't or won't accept me as I am, then you--yes YOU--are a messed up person."

If YOU separate from me, then I understand that I will be free to pursue whatever course of action(s) that I see fit to live out the rest of my life as I see fit."

I'm not sure where you got all twisted up in your thinking, but conditional acceptance is not love. I want, indeed: I deserve to be loved unconditionally. I will accept no less. If you cannot or will not do that, then I'll find someone who can or I'll live alone, but I will not be manipulated and controlled by someone that doesn't have the faintest clue as to what real love is. Is that clear? Good."

What? You're gonna' tell the elders! Be my guest. If you are more attached to a loony old guy that is fixated with men in tight pants and colored socks than you are to me, then you deserve whatever you get. ... What's for dinner?"

And whatever you do: DO NOT GET ANGRY!

Be calm, be firm, be loving. Your position is one of absolute moral integrity and is therefore non-negotiable.

She's the lunatic in a religious cult. Don't forget that.

Advice Needed...Again

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