I hope these are fresh!
The Pope
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The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment,
she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly
teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor,
cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous
bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy
bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to
mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive
side.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and go to bed.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are
lying there together afterwards, the woman rolls over and asks,
smiling, "How was it for you?"
The man says, "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf"
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A nun was sitting with her Mother Superior chatting.
"Mother Superior, I used some horrible language this week and feel
absolutely terrible about it."
"When did you use this awful language?" asked the elder.
"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that was going to go
280 yards, but it struck a phone line over the fairway and fell straight
down to the ground after only 100 yards."
"And that's when you swore?"
"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the
bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."
"And THAT'S when you swore?" asked the Mother Superior.
"Well, no," says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an
eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and
began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed elder nun.
"No. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior impatiently.
"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap,
rolled onto the green and stopped about six inches from the hole."
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Mother Superior sighed, "You missed the f***king putt, didn't you?
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