Recent Visit with my Wife's Family

by Imminent1975 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Imminent1975

    I have been inactive for going on five years after an accerated fade. My wife followed shortly after. We recently went to visit her parents that know that we don't go to the meetings, and it bothers them but they don't know what to do, as they really can't do much. Her father worked up the courage to say to our daughter on their last visit, "We know that you are not going to the meetings", my daughters reply was, "So". "So" is such a conversation stopper. My thirteen year old came up with that, and I'm "so" proud of her.

    Recently, we visited for a couple of days. At the First dinner my wife's dad said the prayer, and in the prayer he mentioned about looking forward to the convention. Then he said something like, "Thank you for 100 years of your sons rule on earth, we can see how mankind has benefitted" and then more blah, blah, blah.

    I thought it strange, but said nothing to raise any disagreement. Later that night my wife said she wanted to go home Sunday morning. She said that her Dad's comment during the prayer was weird and that she didn't want to stay around for their Sunday meeting. My wife and I talked about how nothing has happened that WTBTS taught their followers to expect for the 130 year snipe hunt.

    News on Warwick

    Another relative had visited Warwick, and said the progress was at a fast pace. He indicated that Watchtower volunteer labor was doing all the concrete work on the lower levels, for example the basements and tunnels. But when it came to the steel structure, they were having outside worldly contractors come in to do that part.

    I don't think I'll visit them anytime soon, being around them made me somewhat edgy, because I was waiting for them to tell me that I was going to die at harmaggedon.

    I don't want to get into too much of a conversation with them about the "truth" about the truth. I'm happy that we have made it this far without them shunning us, however, I am prepared mentally to accept that they probably will some day.

  • Jeannette

    I think you are handling it very well. There are tense moments around relatives whether any has ever been in the Watchtower so keep on being nice to them. Undoutedly they are getting older and soon will need some type of help, and you guys will be there for them I'm sure. They mean well.

  • Comatose

    I know just what you are talking about! It's weird. I didnt feel comfortable around my parents either. It's like they can't have a normal conversation or discussion. Everything is about the org or the hall or the friends... blech

  • GrreatTeacher

    "So" is a good conversation stopper.

    Reminds me of a popular non sequitur around Baltimore (home of the Orioles baseball team) that you throw out when someone says something awkward, and it stops the conversation in its tracks:

    "So, how 'bout them O's?"

  • Daniel1555

    You have a great daughter.

  • problemaddict

    hey its his house...his prayer....let him say what he feels. No reason to leave early over it. This is especially true if they aren't shunning you. Don't push people away in anticipation of them doing it. It becomes self fulfilling prophecy.

    "So", is great. I can't be that aloof with my mother. She says something like that, I simply say 2 things.

    1) There is so much going on in the organization right now that has nothing to do with jehovah, that to support it would bother my conscience. And if I go against my conscience, I am sinning (James). So I have to follow my bible trained conscience.

    The inevitable question......."Like what? What things?"

    2) It is really important for me not to affect the faith of others negatively, so I would rather not discuss it so as not to have a negative impact on you while not meaning to. I love you too much to do that.



  • cultBgone

    I like your logic, Problemaddict!

  • jgnat

    The whole problem of family and friends fading away without explanation is treated by so many Witnesses as a "Don't ask don't tell" other than a generic "We miss you at the meetings". Skip answering that one and they are stumped. To ask further could risk them never being able to talk to you again. There are risks for both sides to a fully open conversation.

  • LostGeneration


    Now that is plain awesome! Hilarious how they think they can spout magical phrases like "we missed you at the meetings" and the like and think they can guilt you back into coming.

    Sometimes I think that the people on the board who are worried about leaving and losing their family should think about what they will be missing out on - not a whole hell of a lot!

  • Imminent1975

    Thank you all for your feedback. Problemaddict, thanks for your thoughts, those are great suggestions. Please don't misunderstand that we left too much earlier, they have their meeting in the late afternoon now, and the wife indicated that she didn't want to stay around. It is a long drive and we both went into work Monday. She mentioned the prayer, but we were not disrespectful at her Dad's house, I even said Amen out loud for her Dad to hear. Her parents are old with their own disappointments, but still very active.

    One family member I did have a heart to heart with over a year ago. If your interested in that it's here:

    He hasn't said anything negative to me since, and we still talk at least every other week on the phone. We work in the same industry and have alot to talk about.

    I probably won't go into that much detail with anyone else in the family as I am not that close to them, and no, I am not interested in wrecking or criticizing their faith to them personally. It took me 46 years to open my eyes, I'm not expecting anything out of them like that, it could kill them from a broken heart. They are nice people, and right now I am happy that they havent' shunned us, they have shunned other family members that were DF'd.

    I will maintain the status quo with them and politely just keep listening to their same stories over and over. Thanks to all of you again for your feedback!

Share this