For love

fredPotato

Hi there folks,

I no longer believe in a dime the WT corporation says. For over a year I've been inactive in field service and I skip meetings whenever I can.

All my family is JW, and that includes my spouse.

I have already come open with her and exposed the WT for what it really is. Anyone who has ever done that with a believing partner know how tough it can be.

She has expressed her doubts about the borg but still faithfully believes everything they tough her.

Last week I've mentioned about not going to meetings any more as those were just a waste of time to me. Even though she realizes that my beliefs are different now, she asked me to keep going with her.

She hasn't told anyone about my situation and she has been supportive of me seeking other beliefs; she has been facing pressure from her family in order to help me go back in service.

She has been coping with that kind of pressure from her family, my family and the friends at the KH for over a year now; and it hurts her to realize that I am not longer the JW brother she got married to.

She told me several times that she wants to be with me regardless of what belief system I adhere to, even though it is hurtful to her.

Do you think that I should continue attending meetings just to keep up appearences because of her?

In the talk about religious freedom, one should be able to decide whether they want to attend services for a specific denomination... but in order to benefit a spouse, would you sacrifice 4 hours per week?

LostGeneration

No.

Do not continue to support lies and the liars that spout them. Simply advise her that you will respect her choice to do what she wants, but you cannot support the lies any longer.

LisaRose

I wouldn't. It just sends a false message to other that you are a believer. If you stand your ground they will eventually give up trying to get you to go back. Keep being a loving husband, spend time together doing non JW things, maybe you can help her to get out also.

Theredeemer

Having experienced almost the same situation I can say dont go. The more you go the more you will begin to squirm in your seat. It is very hard to tune out the meetings. There were times where I literally almost blurted out stuff at the meetings. Thankfully, in time, she left on her own. Had she not i Think eventually we both wouldve agreed for me not to go.

gingerbread

There is an unwritten custom that encourages both pity and subtle shunning to anyone who is married to a spouse that has become inactive. It's seems like a contradiction - but that's how things work in a disfunctional 'family'.

It's tough on your wife because she has to field questions from the elders, the wives and all the nosey ones. If she has been a Witness her whole life, she feels alone. Pressure from her family increases her feelings of failure (as a good JW wife).

What worked for me is doing things that we both enjoy - during meeting nights or on the weekend. Just as an occasional thing in the beginning. It takes patience and time. Getting her out of 'the box' will help - instead of you going back from time to time.

ginger

jamiebowers

Your wife has been considerate of you, so return the favor to her. Practice some kind of blanket response she can give to people who ask about you. Help her get ready for the meetings, and take care of chores and odd jobs while you stay home. Have a nice surprise such as a dessert, glass of wine, etc. ready for her when she gets home. Then start proposing fun things to do as a couple (or family if you have kids) during meeting times.

breakfast of champions

I second JAMIEBOWERS.

Washing the dishes/cleaning the house when she's gone; the glass of wine when she gets home. . . etc. . .. Be creative.

Make your not going to meetings/service the best thing that ever happened to her.

BTW FREDPOTATO - your screen name "resonates" with me - won't go into details. But when you first posted and I saw it, I SWORE it was someone I know!

Crazyguy

If you keep going your head will explode, really!

Iown Mylife

Hi fredPotato! I had a similar situation here at my house. My husband woke up a long time before I knew it. He did attend meetings sporadically for a few years but finally he just totally refused. He never refused any other requests but that one.

Shortly after that the problems in our family exploded and I was superstitious enough to blame his non-attendance for the problems. After awhile things worked out to where I could see the WT was a crock o' horse pucky. The way my husband stood his ground helped me begin to realize how much my thinking was controlled by the org.

I'm with LisaRose on this one. Hope everything gets better and better for you and your family.

Marina

fredPotato

Thank you all for your responses, I really appreciateall your comments!

Obviously people have mixed opinions on this, it really is a delicate decision with serious repercussions for both spouses.

Just to make it clear: I haven't yet stopped going, but really wanted to.

My wife and I have recently moved to a different city and that allowed me to not go to meetings for several weeks now.

I still don't know what to do; recently she began to be really upset with me when I tell her I don't want to go to the meetings. She thinks I owe her that; which in some sense I do (she has been covering for me for a long time).

At the same time, as some of you have mentioned, it might take a firm attitude on me to wake her up.

Again, I deeply appreciate all comments above!

Cheers!

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