by D wiltshire 17 Replies latest jw friends
Interesting...
Metatron tells us that there is a new book being released called "Worship the Only True God", and I note that there is a part by that title on Friday afternoon. But, as those of us with many years of convention experience know, the "big" release is generally reserved for Saturday afternoon. I wonder what that might be?
Tom
"Gentlemen, he said, I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes, I've moved your mountains and marked your cards. But Eden is burning"
--Bob Dylan
I wonder, if since Jesus is no longer the mediator for the great growd, if all those JWs should start replacing the standard JW rote ending of "In Jesus name we pray" with "In the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society's name we pray"...?
Francois, I don't know where you were when I was a young one at the assemblies, but I sure wish you'd been around to give a few pointers!!!!
Interesting how they have devoted an hour-long symposium on Saturday afternoon to the topic of enduring persecution and times of distress.
"Persecution" is their only trump card left to give the R&F in light of the fallout they're going to experience because of Silentlambs and Dateline.
Love, Scully
Oh goodey, I just loooove Ice Cream. Especially in a Cone.
A 'Conevtion'? Too awesome.
sKally, NOT 'a Conehead' klass
Too many 'lambs'!
"Take Exquisite Delight in Jehovah Himself"
I want to hear this one.
Will there be audiotapes and/ or videotapes 'available'?
And please, if you are going to answer something like "they don't tape the D.C. , I will laugh.
I want to hear this, preferably WITNESS it.
Perhaps the only way may be to actually attend.
sKally
Too many 'lambs'!
"Take Exquisite Delight in Jehovah Himself"
For RSN (Real Soon Now(TM)) he will wake form his short 6000 year nap, desend upon earth and begins to rip asunder all who oppose him (read: all who are normal decent human beings just trying to scratch out a good life on this rock) and restore a wonderful mindless parasdise where all who are blessed to survive all that ripping asunder and entrails and stuff, are allowed to plow fields, weed gardens, build houses, and do other rather boring labourious tasks. Yea, blessed are those who take Exquisite Delight(TM) in burying the bodies of 6,000,000,000 human beings 'not good enough' to make it! Yea, blessed are those who humbly submit to the elders rule when they tell them that they cannot live in Mr Dead Rich Guy's mansion, because Elder Bob laid claim to it 10 years ago.
I'll be SURE not to miss that one!!!!!
Hmmm...Lesee here...OK - here's all the stuff between the lines that many may have missed on first reading:
2002-2003 ZEALOUS KINGDOM PROCLAIMERS
District Convention of Jehovah's Witnesses
(Damn well BETTER be zealous - but what about?)
Friday
Imitate The Zeal of Our Lord, Jesus - Joel 2:17
Morning
930 Music
940 Song 193 and Prayer
950 Rejoice In Coming Together as Kingdom Proclaimers (just not too much - please see the Attendants' signs)
1020 Hearing from Fellow Kingdom Proclaimers (This is where you get to hear "real-life experiences" from fellow Dubs who have been coached for 2 weeks)
1050 Song 151 and Announcements (by "announcements" we mean that we'll be telling you that using more than one paper towel in the rest room is UnChristian, and that we're already behind in contributions to cover the expenses of this stadium)
1100 Take Exquisite Delight in Jehovah Himself (Here's the buildup to some guilt-bombing...)
1120 Show Yourselves Thankful (...and here's some guilt for ya!)
1150 Keynote Address: Kingdom Proclaimers Fired with Zeal (trans: If you don't show enough "zeal", be prepared for some loving interrogation I like to call "Three Men and a Bible")
1220 Song 31 and Intermission (please bring your own food, and DO NOT patronize "worldy" restaurants!)
Afternoon
200 Music
205 Song 92
210 Be Fearless in Knowing That Jehovah is With Us
230 Symposium: Micah's Prophecy Strengthens Us to Walk
in Jehovah's Name (right about now, your lunch is working its way through your digestive system, making you very sleepy...very...sleepy...)
Jehovah's Servants Have True Hope (Because WE teel them they do!)
We Will Walk in Jehovah's Name Forever! (we will never live down 1914, 1975, cartillas in Mexico, blood, protecting pedophiles, etc.)
What Does Jehovah Expect of Us? (who knows? we're just guessing, here - but we bet it involves ZEAL. and LOTS of it)
330 Song 80 and Announcements
340 Maintain Chastity by Safeguarding Your Heart (Stay off of JW Singles.com!)
400 Guard Against Deception (the internet is inherently EVIL - except for OUR site, of course, which has nothing but the TRUTH in its pages)
425 Worship the Only True God (MONEY!)
455 Song 6 and Closing Prayer
Saturday
Be Zealous For What Is Good - 1Pe3:13
Morning
930 Music
940 Song 133 and Prayer
950 Examining the Scriptures Daily Builds Zeal
1000 Symposium: Kingdom Proclaimers Who Glorify Their Ministry
Handle the Word of God Aright
Help Others to Accept the Kingdom Message (This symposium will be given by Larry Graham, Prince and J.R. Brown - Yayyy!)
Focus on Starting Bible Studies (especially with people who have no Internet access!)
1100 Song 161 and Announcements
1110 Why "Pray Incessantly" ('cause that's the only thing we can fall back on now)
1130 Spiritual Conversation Builds Up (Don't discuss the following in casual conversation: pedophiles, voting, blood, JW "bible chronology", Judge Rutherford's alcoholism, suicides at Bethel - well, you get the idea)
1150 How Dedication and Baptism Lead to Salvation (we gotta get those numbers up!)
1220 Song 55 and Intermission
Afternoon
200 Music
205 Song 158
210 Be Modest, and Keep Your Eye Simple (That way, WE can get more of your hard-earned cash!)
240 Trust Jehovah Completely in Times of Distress (and by "Jehovah" we mean, of course, US)
310 Song 47 and Announcements
320 Symposium: The Quality of Our Faith Tested by Various Trials (Like Dateline NBC running that farsical story about how we harbor pedophiles - outrageous!)
Suffering Persecution for the Sake of Righteousness (by "persecution", we mean any form of criticism from within and outside)
Meeting the Issue of Neutrality (Yes, you may vote - but you must still remain neutral and you won't have ANY priveleges in the cong.)
Faithfully Enduring Trials Brings Praise to Jehovah (The biggest trial of all being the fact that WE'RE IN FOR A HELL OF RIDE AFTER MAY 28!!)
420 Draw Close to Jehovah (we're not exactly sure how to do this, but we'll give you a bunch of scriptures to look up that will show how "drawing close to Jehovah" means you BETTER not go to "apostate" web sites!)
450 Song 97 and Closing Prayer
Sunday
A People Zealous For Fine Works-Tit 2:14
Morning
990 Music
940 Song 30 and Prayer
950 Examining the Scriptures Daily Promotes Fine Works
1000 Is Your Confidence in Jehovah? (Is your mind completely OURS yet?)
1040 Youths-Build for the Future with Jehovah's Organization (Yes, you may attend college - if you promise to use what you learn in a dead-end job at Bethel as a WT Troll)
1100 Song 183 and Announcements
1110 DRAMA: Stand Firm in Troubled Times (In case you haven't caught on by now, this is where we REALLY hammer you with guilt about those web sites you've been visiting, as well as prepare you for all the coming "persecution" from the media, householders, work- and schoolmates, etc.)
1140 Be Like Jeremiah-Fearlessly Proclaim the Word of God (and be sure to wake Grandma and the kids, since they fell asleep when the lights went down for the drama)
1200 Song 70 and Intermission
Afternoon
130 Music
140 Song 129 and Prayer
150 Public Discourse: "The Scene of This World Is Changing" (more prep for the upcoming "persecution")
235 Song 181 and Announcements
240 Summary of the Watchtower (Here's a summary: read your Bible WITHOUT JW literature - what an eye-opener!)
310 Abound in Fine Works as Zealous Kingdom Proclaimers (Now run along and be good li'l Dubbies. Don't forget about the coming persecution!)
355 Song 96 and Closing Prayer
(reposting, I did this on a thread some time ago)
2002-2003 ZEALOUS ORGANIZATION PROCLAIMERS
District Convention of Jehovah's Witnesses
Friday
Imitate The Zeal of Our Lord, Jesus - Joel 2:17
Morning
930 Music
940 Song 193 and Prayer
950 Rejoice In Coming Together as Organization Proclaimers
1020 [experiences of questionable origin]
1050 Song 151 and Announcements
1100 Take Exquisite Delight in The Organization
1120 Show Yourselves Thankful for The Organization
1150 Keynote Address: Organization Proclaimers Fired with Zeal
1220 Song 31 and Chick-Scoping
Afternoon
200 Music
205 Song 92
210 Be Fearless in Knowing That The Organization is With Us
230 Symposium: Micah's Prophecy Strengthens Us to Walk
in The Organization's Name
The Organization's Servants Have True Hope
We Will Walk in The Organization's Name Forever!
What Does The Organization Expect of Us?
330 Song 80 and Announcements
340 [be a prude]
400 [don't question ANYTHING]
425 Worship the Only True Organization
455 Song 6 and Closing Prayer
Saturday
Be Zealous For What Is Good - 1Pe3:13
Morning
930 Music
940 Song 133 and Prayer
950 Not Examining the Scriptures Too Closely Builds Zeal
1000 Symposium: Kingdom Proclaimers Who Glorify Their Organization
Spin the Word of God
Help Others to Accept the Organization Message
Focus on Starting Literature Studies
1100 Song 161 and Announcements
1110 [don't pray too much]
1130 Organizational Conversation Builds Up
1150 How Dedication and Baptism To The Organization Lead to Salvation
1220 Song 55 and Chick-Scoping Playoffs
Afternoon
200 Music
205 Song 158
210 [contribute more! place more literature!]
240 Trust The Organization Completely in Times of Distress
310 Song 47 and Announcements
320 Symposium: The Quality of Our Faith Tested by Various Scandals
Suffering Persecution for the Sake of The Organization
[alternative service is out....in....and?]
Faithfully Enduring Trials Brings Praise to The Organization
420 Draw Close to The Organization
450 Song 97 and Closing Prayer
Sunday
A People Zealous For Fine Works-Tit 2:14
Morning
990 Music
940 Song 30 and Prayer
950 Not Examining the Scriptures Too Closely Promotes Fine Works
1000 Is Your Confidence in The Organization?
1040 Youths-Build for the Future with Jehovah's Organization (no editing necessary)
1100 Song 183 and Announcements
1110 DRAMA: Blindly Stand Firm in Troubled Times
1140 Be Like Jeremiah-Fearlessly Proclaim the Word of The Organization
1200 Song 70 and The Chick-Scoping Superbowl
Afternoon
130 Music
140 Song 129 and Prayer
150 Public Discourse: "Be Afraid...Be Very Afraid!"
235 Song 181 and Announcements
240 Summary of the Watchtower
310 Abound in Fine Works as Zealous Organization Proclaimers
355 Song 96 and Closing Prayer
Mike.
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