I'm with you offgrid5150!
Its a terrible state to be in!
Cognitive Dissonance in a Relationship
by voodoo lady 16 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
talesin
voodoo lady
Yes, I am hearing you. How *many* times have we heard the phrase "But he lo-o-oves me~!" from the lass who is sporting bruises. I well remember my friend, both eyes blacked, telling me about the latest reconciliation.
How can she believe that love means the guy beats the shit out of you whenever he has a tantrum? That is truly cog diss, and oh so common in relationships that are abusive.
It's even more common, imho, in emotionally co-dependent relationships as well. People feed on each other's pain, and keep the illusion of romantic love alive ....... I just . don't . get it!
tal
-
sparrowdown
I find the few "friends" I still see from the borg, I find I'm walking on eggshells constantly.
I notice how sensitive and prickly they are and wonder "was I like that before I woke up?"
They turn every conversation into an opportunity to brag about some FS experience or how busy they are. They talk at me not to me.
They are walled off emotionally and dishonest intellectually- fake, in other words.
They seem quite incapable of normal interaction. The husband is desperate to be app as an elder but is getting stonewalled by the BOE. I feel sorry for him as he doesnt get why he keeps getting passed over every CO visit.
I hope they will wake up one day, but I cannot push too hard as I don't want to tip them off to my own awakening.
I hate the situation and dislike myself having to be intellectually dishonest around them, but the consequences of opening up would be too great.
Reminds me of the quote from Dr Suess
"This mess is so big and so deep and so tall,
there's no way to fix it.
No way at all." "The Cat in the Hat"
-
stuckinarut2
So true sparrowdown!
Witness conversations are fake, unreal, and just so tiring!
Friends are conditional, based on a false premise.....
So tiring!
-
offgrid5150
stuck in a rut you are right about the conversations. VERY PHONY. SUPERFICIAL. So glad I just picked up a good old King James Bible and started reading God's word for what it is.
No human middle man needed.
As for the wife, I hope to God I can break through.
Friends in the ORG, and most family is conditional. They would shun you at the drop of a dime.
-
voodoo lady
I recently saw a clip of someone speaking about "coming out of the closet," and her definition of a "closet" was any situation in which one perpetually pretends. She mentioned that the body will inevitably produce cortisol when it's under that kind of stress, and for the first time I realised that indefinite pretending could really damage a person. It was a scary thought, as it's hard to visualise an end point in slow-moving and potentially never-changing situations. At least, within the parameters of current perception, that is.
One can always find reasons to stay when cognitive dissonance is in effect. Talesin, you gave a hell of an example. It made me think about the rationalisations of the abused being equally applicable in relationships and at the hands of fundamentalist groups.
I also just remembered Stockholm Syndrome - the sense of being addicted to one's captor. I suspect it may have some overlap with the experience of cognitive dissonance. Can anyone relate to this, whether within the org or within a relationship?
-
offgrid5150
I def can. I feel like I live in my own world, and have to act when at meetings, or when spiritual things come up. Keep in mind, active MS here, bordering on Elder, but have avoided it through a couple of congo moves.
I sort of compare it to being unjacked from the matrix. Once bible truth, and the reality of this cult comes to light, there is no turning back. Apostate is just fancy for someone who can "see", or "feel".
I highly reccomend the movies "They Live", and "Equilibrium" to understand what it's like to be stuck in any cult for family reasons, and yet being completely aware that you are in a farse.
However, at times, when listening to the slick arguments at times, I catch myself saying, damn. Simple answers to a complex world, dont' ask questions and this is how you can live your life. No wonder so many generations of suckers fall for it. The best place to hide a lie is in between two truths, and that is what is going in on in all the false christian cults(Mormons, Seventh Day Adventists, Moonies), including JW.