My Child Has Asked Me to Divorce Husband

by HeyThere 52 Replies latest social family

  • Fernando

    How long must one wait to see if someone will wake up and change?

    How long is piece of string?

    I pray for wisdom for you as you try to figure out the conundrum...

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    Honestly, cut your losses and bail.

  • baltar447

    This pisses me off when inactive JWs suck normal people into marrying them. Then guilt themselves into going back to the cult and it makes their spouse's life hell. But only you can decide what to do. Breakups suck, but being married under false pretenses is really shitty.

  • LisaRose

    This is emotional abuse, your should not tolerate it. If you want to stay, get counseling to resolve it, if he refuses, then I would leave him. It's not good for your child to see this type of behavior, you are showing that it is OK for an adult to act like a petulant child, and that it's OK to allow yourself to be abused. I stayed 28 years in a horrible marriage because of this religion, if I had it to do over, I would have left in year one and saved myself years of misery.

  • Viviane

    To add on to what Snare wrote, I got DFed and divorced about 5 years ago. When it first happened, my kids were super upset about me dying at Armageddon and not living forever with them. Over the years, I have taught them critical thinking and given them their childhood back.

    I don't tell them what to beleive and I have told them they don't have to agree with me, just that they need good reasons and to be able to explain what they do believe. I can tell you that now they are glad to have their childhood back, what's left of it anyway. They have gone trick or treating, done Christmas 2 years now, birthdays, etc. It was very tough the first year, but it was worth it.

  • Scully

    Let's say this was not the JW belief system that is causing his behaviour change. Let's say, instead, that he was someone who had distanced himself from an abusive family. After marrying you and having a child with you, he decides he wants to give his abusive family an opportunity to be grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. He gives them a chance and starts to take on the abusive traits that he wanted to get away from so many years earlier, because he has more frequent and intimate contact with the abusers.

    You don't accept the abusive behaviour, neither does your child. Your child wants you to divorce your husband because of the abuse. Neither you nor your child want to be subjected to the abuse any more.

    When you think about it this way, does it make the decision easier?

    Make no mistake, a JW who shows the kind of disdain your husband shows for you IS ABUSING YOU. It's psychological abuse. It's emotional abuse. You may not have bruises or broken bones, but you are being abused. The damage is being done, both to yourself and your child. And don't think that because there has not been physical abuse up till this point that there is no potential for the abuse to escalate into violence.

    Start doing things to prepare for a separation. Open a 'secret' bank account and start putting money aside. If you don't work outside the home, start looking for a job so you'll be able to get housing. If you can, rent a storage locker and start moving your things there, or buying items that you and your daughter will need when you leave and store them there. Don't feel that you have to set up a perfect home - stick to absolute necessities for now. A few dishes, a few towels and linens, blankets, non-perishable food items, your documents (birth certificates, marriage certificates, financial records, drivers licence, passports, etc.) You can sleep on air mattresses or on a floor mat on a temporary basis, if worse comes to worse. Get a cheap pay-as-you go cell phone for yourself and your daughter with new phone numbers that your husband will not have for emergencies, or in the event that he cuts off your cell phone service. Start purchasing small denomination gift cards for grocery stores (or Walmart or Target where you can purchase almost anything you need) so you will have "cash" on hand in case you lose access to bank accounts or credit cards or need to be "untraceable". Prepare a "go bag" with essential clothing for yourself and your daughter, essential toiletries, medication, emergency cash and cell phone, and so on, in case you have to leave in a hurry, and keep it at a location your husband does not know about (such as a storage locker or at a friend's house - one your husband doesn't know and who won't disclose your whereabouts to anyone).

  • ruderedhead

    When your child wants you to leave, that speaks volumes! Poor kid!

    I would like to second what LisaRose suggested, that you try counseling if you want to try and stay. I would try to do it as a family first, reminding your husband that he is the one who changed the rules. When you met & married him, he was not an active witness, then after comitting adultery, he decided to be a "good boy" and do the witness route, apparently forcing you and your child to do likewise, whether you wanted to or not. He owes you that much. If he won't, and he continues with this emotional abuse, yes, please get your ducks in a row, and prepare to leave for your child's sake as well as your own. Talk to an attorney w/o anyone knowing before you do anything (except perhaps squirreling away some safe money). You have to protect yourself and your child.

    Use information from jwfacts along with the wt mags to show your husband the dishonesty of the wt.

    Scully made some very good suggestions. If you're close to any of your family, maybe they could assist you with keeping some things at their place should you need to. But definately speak to an attorney before you do anything. Talk to a couple to make sure you get a good one. Many talk to you the first time for free. Be discreet until you have made decisions. Protect yourself and your child.

    All the best to you.

  • Comatose

    If the bum cheated on you and now is treating you like crap AND your kid wants out - DROP HIS ASS. You can be so much happier. You can find someone who will love you for you and not cheat. You are letting this thing die an agonizing and painful death instead of just putting it out of its misery.

  • HeyThere

    I have posted a couple other threads about the situation and my recent convo with him trying to wakw him up to ttatt...i do want to clarify that it has been less than a month since I first started sharing with him my doubts...prior to that I was perfectly fine with the religion...i had not yet grasped all the strange and it caught him by surprise...he was a born in...he was raised believing this is the he camt understand why i think it is strange...and that is what I told him...that it is very strange some of the beliefs. when i found out about candice conti and found all the other stiff i was....disgusted. an elder also told me during my interview to be an unbaptised publisher that they report numbers for inactive and former witnesses who havnt written a da letter...even kids, because, and i quote, "it makes the numbers look better." too many "wtf" moments for me and i will mever get baptised.

    i am not worried that he will turn violent. we have been together for over a decade. he may yell but he wont touche. i also have my own money and could disappear in a flash with help from various sources. he can be a dick but he wont go there. thank you for the concern though and i do appreciate all the comments and suggestions he is being selfish, he is being passive-aggressive amd the fact that my kid wants us to leave him is concerning to say the least.

    i ordered a bunch of old jw books and am hoping some of the crazy stuff in there will open his eyes. he can be a dub all he wants as long as he respects us, which he is struggling with right now. perhaps i should just rip off the bamdaide but i need to try a little longer or i will not be comfortable with it.

    and yes, i should definitely do the counciling

  • DesirousOfChange

    This pisses me off when inactive JWs suck normal people into marrying them. Then guilt themselves into going back to the cult and it makes their spouse's life hell.

    And typically this is because the JW is f*cking around cause they can't play by their own JW Rules, then once they're married and living a "moral" life they go running back like nothing has happened. Obviously(TM) they think Jehovah is a sucker when it comes to rationalizing their immoral boinking.


Share this