Can a marriage between a catholic and a jw work?

by roberto avon 16 Replies latest social family

• 

  roberto avon

  Hello everybody,

  this topic was posted yesterday on an Italian Fb page. i replied that my personal experience was very positive. Of course I have to admit that my

  spouse is quite liberal since she married a non practisant catholic. We married at the town hall, had three children that didn't recieve the catholic baptism. We were very open with the education of our kids and I agreed with my wife telling them stories from the bible book. On the other hand I didn't want them to attend the during the week meetings because of their school and didn't want them to have a bible study till aftr highschool ( and with my supervision ).

  Now that that two of the three are grown up ( 26,21 and 13 years ) they have chosen not to be a Jw ( they never wanted ). Our marriage was a compromise but it worked well. I organzied the birthday parties and christmas and other things. I really can say after 27 years that we have a happy marriage.

  The comments I recieved on the ExJw ( against shunning ) FB page were quite negative and almost everyone seems to be convinced that it is absolutely impossible a mixed marriage with a Jw, in this case with a catholic.

  My esperience says that it can work and my feeling is that the fact that Italy is practically a 95% roman catholic country the comments were to negative and that in other countries mixed marriages are working better. Of course both catholic and Jw should be liberal.

  What do you think about it?
• 

  KateWild

  In my view most JWs that marry outside WT are very liberal so things turn out ok, but I would advise anyone thinking of getting married to a JW, check to see how religious they are. If they are strict things might be more of a challange.

  Kate xx
• 

  Bugbear

  According to WTBS it is an impossible connection. You have probably read a lot of arguments why this kind of marriage “is not according to scripture”. And in fact many other religions are teaching accordingly.

  But the question is how deep is the persons personal believes. And above all does he/she accept all the dogma’s that their religious leaders tell them? One person can be named Christian because he/she is just borne in a Christian country. In fact he consider himself atheistic or deistic (don´t know or just don’t want to take a stand). Some atheist goes to church because they like the music in their church. Some consider themselves JW:s because they meet their friends in the KH, every week, but they would never dream of take a part of the preaching work.

  If two persons with what you call “liberal” thinking want to marry I don’t think that whatever the differences are in their “labeled religion” could be a problem. But if one of them turns (by his or hers believes) to a more fundamental believing, and think that he/she must follow the official rules more strictly, then this marriage can start to creak. The weak “believers” will have a tendency to listen to their mate rather than their pastor or elder, pope or clergyman.

  Hoping that your spouse belongs to that category.

  Bugbear
• 

  roberto avon

  Bugbear, this is exactly what I mean when you accept to marry a man/wife who is a non Jw you know

  that put your family first and religon will be a personal thing and not anymore the only meaning of your life.

  If you think this way it can work as it worked for us. I will not deny that they have tried to convert me and my kids but also thanks

  to my wife we remained as we were and the kids could make their own choice.
• 

  nonjwspouse

  If the JW is male and catholic female this becomes more difficult. When the JW put on the pressure to convert, and for the father to take over the religious education of the children, then it gets a bit messy.

  The JW would have to be mentally out for the most part for this to work.

  My personal experience is it might. Might. The non JW has to have the upper hand to remain in the marriage and keep the children from indoctrination.

  The WTBTS is like a cancer on a marriage, demanding it comes first before all family. The JW is always, always in danger of succumbing to the pressure. Like a time bomb, you don't know when that would be.

  Your childen were spared the indoctrination routine. What would have happened if they were baptised JW? Would you be so sure the marriage worked if one or all JW children shunned you? Or if one of the children changed thier mind and your wife shunned the child? Or if there was an emergency accident, you were unable to consent, and she chose not to allow the child blood transfusion, and the unthinkable happened. Would you be so sure then?

  I am glad your marriage has worked for you, I really am. But your idea that it is overblown about the massive damage that involvement in the WTBTS can do to a marriage is completely off base in my personal, experienced opinion.
• 

  roberto avon

  ok, I accept your point of view, especially what you say that if I would have been a Jw ( the contrary ). But as all marriages there is a dompromise.

  I have to admit that my wife was very happy that the " blood question " was under my responsability....
• 

  Bugbear

  Being married to a hardcore JW:, sister and that for 40 years, and myself being out (formerly elder), more than 15 years, I must admit that life is like walking on a long narrow string. I steadily have to watch my tongue, not to say anything, that could make her upset. Just a few questions about the financial situation, and how effective her preaching activities is, can make her scream and rush out of the door. I do like her very much and I certainly don’t want a divorce. I rather feel sorry for her (and other friends), that cannot see through this gigantic bluff. But sometimes, when it is very obvious, I ask her questions about why that or why so. I hope this will wake her up slowly and not crushing her life.

  Fortunately I have managed to keep all our children out of it, so she is most likely being very lonesome, in our family, end therefore the shunning of me has been very mild and polite. But when it comes to holidays and birthdays, she becomes very nervous and don´t know which leg to stand on.

  I feel pity for her, she is the one suffering not me

  Bugbear
• 

  ABibleStudent

  Only if a JW is "Spiritually Weak" (still thinking) and loves their spouse more than the WTBTS.

  Compromise and communiation are very important in a marriage. Being a JW married to a non-JW makes it more of a challange for both, espeically if the JW's family is considered "Spiritually Strong" (non-thinking) and either shuns the JW or constantly pressures them.

  I know of a "Spiritually Strong" (non-thinking) JW who wanted to date me, but wouldn't only because I was a non-JW and her family would shun her if she did. Other than me being a non-JW, we shared many common interests and beliefs.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
• 

  stuckinarut2

  no
• 

  scary21

  Being a born in, never baptized female, that still believed. I could always relate to Catholic men best and ended up marrying one. Maybe because they seemed more open minded and were willing to talk about it . They were always ok with what I believed and could agree with some things.

  What we didn't agree on ,well, we would just agree to disagree and move on . I always loved those good Catholic boys !

  I think a liberal or ex JW could have a good marriage with a Catholic. A die hard dub on the other hand( most of the time) could only be happy with another die hard. IMO

  My husband was not practicing for the first 18/25 years we have been together. He goes to church every Sunday now and is back home before I even wake up. We never talk about religion anymore because I no longer believe . All is well on the home front.