I always wondered why JWs found it so hard to just walk away once they decided they didn't believe anymore. Surely all they have to do is stop going to the meetings, I thought. I imagined there must be more to it than I could see but I might never know. Is it analogous to the marriage I'm stuck in that I know I want to leave but I just can't say the words and walk out? I need help!
Commitment
by goddidit 6 Replies latest social relationships
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cultBgone
Well let's see. As a jw you are taught that:
1. You will die at Armageddon if you are not a jw.
2. Your children will die too.
3. If your family member walks away, you may never speak to them again because they are an evil apostate doing satan's work.
If you were born into the religion cult, you know no other way of life.
1. All your family members are jw...who will disown you and not speak to you if you leave.
2. You don't know how to socially function in the real world with real people.
3. Your job skills are limited because you were taught it's wrong to attend college (satan is alive and well in college) because the end of the world is coming SOON, and your only job skill is washing windows for a jw who will let you go if you leave.
There are lots more reasons but I'm late for work! Consider this a starter list... :)
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hoser
It has a lot to do with sunk costs.
an example of this is if you have put money into repairing your car and then you are faced with another expensive repair. It will be harder to get rid of that old car because you are already invested heavily. The same goes with a job you've been at a long time, a long term relationship or a religion. The more time you have in the harder it is to leave.
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eyeuse2badub
hoser and cultBgone
You guys or gals have it nailed. i'm very committed to my marriage and family. Nothing is more important to me. Unfortunately, I did a great job of bringing up my family "in the disipline and authorative advice of J" (the organization) when I had no knowledge of ttatt. That is the irony. Now I have no idea of how to reverse the effect of my 'doing a great job'. Time will tell!
just saying
eyeuse2badub
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ABibleStudent
Hi goddidit, Why are you afraid of leaving the WTBTS? Are you afraid that your JW family and friends will shun you? Are you afraid of meeting and making non-JW friends? Are you afraid that the WTBTS will be right about the Big "A" and that you will miss out on living in the WTBTS's Paradise?
What is your plan to overcome your fears? Have you considered the following?
- Independently researching the WTBTS by visiting reputable websites like www.jwfacts.com,www.freedomofmind.com, www.watchtowerdocuments.com, www.jwsurvey.org, www.freeminds2.org, etc to either confirm your doubts or dismiss them.
- Reading information by cult-exit counselors like Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones to Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs", visiting his website www.freedomofmind.com, and watching his FREE videos on his website. The following three videos by Steve Hassan are an inexpensive way to evaluate how Steve Hassan and his methods can help you: How Big is the Phenomenon of Undue Influence? (2:01), The BITE Model (Behavior Information Thought Emotion) (5:03) , Strategic Interactive Approach explained 2003(1:23:23).
- After you have confirmed your doubts that the WTBTS is victimizing JWs, Obtain more education/training to qualify for a better paying career. If your JW family and friends asks why, than ask them simple questions in the ways that Billy the Ex-Bethelite wrote in exJW Psychology 102--How to Ask a Question When Questions Aren't Allowed. Tell your JW family and friends that you are concerned about providing for your family in this "System" while you wait for the Big "A" and ask them, "How long has the WTBTS been saying the end is soon?" or "How can you balance your "Spiritual" desires (slaving for the WTBTS) verses providing for your family?"
- Asking your JW family questions to learn more about what will empower their authentic personas to overcome their cult personas. Ask them about what they thought, as a child, their life would be like when they grew up, what they dreamt of doing when they grew up, or what fun, non-WTBTS activity they would like to do now. After you learn what activities that they would like to do that is fun, make plans to show them how much you love them by planning activities that are fun and where they will meet more non-JWs with similar interests. Have you searched the internet for local activities near you, visited www.meetup.com or signed-up on www.travelzoo.com for daily emails suggesting fun activities near you.
- Making more non-JWs friends that you and your JW family share similar interests so that you can build your support network when your other JW friends and family start to shun you.
Best of wishes successfully fading from the WTBTS with your JW family.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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goddidit
ABibleStudent, I'm not nor have ever been a JW. I know quite a bit about them though, partly from this forum and having a family member involved.
I was wondering why it's so hard to walk away and equated it to the marriage that I want to get away from but can't. Though from cultBgone's comment it looks like I have it comparatively easy.
Thanks for the interesting and helpful comments everyone.
Peace.
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sarahsmile
Yes,I think you,ve got it! How can anyone walk away from the love of their lives! They took the vows until death!
Some stay married out of guilt and the years invested. It is the samething! Years invested and guilt.
People have spent years in the Borg and raised their families! Also, they have stated for years over and over again how much they love Jehovah just like a spouse. Teach their children to love Jehovah.