4 more days till I leave the Watchtower

by Leander 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Leander

  In a few more days I'll be making my departure from the WTS, part of me is relieved and yet another part of me is dreading the drama I'll be going through shortly. I've been trying to prepare myself for the deluge of questions that I know are sure to come from my family. My wife will be the first person I tell obviously and then I'll tell my mother and younger brother. I'm contemplating just writing a letter to my mother for the initial announcement, she tends to get emotional and I'm really dreading even telling her at all but unfortunately I'll have to let her know eventually.

  I've decided I won't DA myself but I am planning on drafting a letter stating that I will be stepping down as minsterial servant and from all theocratic school and service meeting assignments. Heres what the letter will look like:

  To the Congregation Elder Body,

  I, (my name) as of May, 19th 2002 am resigning from the duties of Ministerial Servant with the (my congregation) in Harvey, Illinois. I would also like to request that all future theocratic school and service meeting parts no longer be assigned to me. I do not wish to discuss the reasons for these decisions at this time.

  signed (my name)

  Its a short letter but it should state my intentions and allow me to make an exit with a minimal amount of fuss. (hopefully) I'm wondering though since the elders all know that I had been studying up on apostate websites a few months ago, can they take any action against me?

  Also I've asked these questions before in previous posts but I would like to ask them again. I want to be well prepared for the questions that I get from my family. Basically I'm expecting them to ask me questions like these:

  What other religion or organization are doing the work of JWs?

  What other religions teach the hope of an earthly kingdom and have also discarded false doctrines? (hellfire, trinity, immortal soul, etc.)

  I kinda expect those 2 questions right of the bat. I want to quickly answer them and then move right into several reasons why the WTS is not different from any other religion. I'm thinking of briefly commenting on the following topics:

  1. - Numerous failed expectations and also insisting that others put faith in these expectations or else face expulsion from the congregation. (Note: I'm specifically using the word expectations in this argumentation because some people automatically go on the defensive when they hear the word prophecy or prediction. And just as an additional question are there any older publications of where the WTS has repeatedly written that the congregations MUST follow their direction and counsel? If I can find that kind of information then it will have much more impact when I list the numerous failed expectations (read: predictions))

  2. - Swaying back and forth on bibical truths (I'll begin this argument stating that in the past God's representatives never changed the truth from one understanding to another and then back again. Such as views on blood, marital sex, aspects of the resurrection, etc.)

  3. - Christ said that you will know you are my people by the love you have among one another (I'll point out how true christian love is not just limited to JWs. In fact there are many cases where many within the WTS show themselves to have a lack of christian love.)

  4. Christ warned us to look for those who claim to know the time of the end (I forget exactly where that scripture is, if someone happens to know which one it is please let me know. I think this may be one of the strongest arguments I can make. As far as I am aware of no other religion has made more end time predictions than the WTS. Can anyone substantiate that?)
• 

  Leander

  I almost forgot, I would like to thank everyone for their advice and kind words in the past weeks. I received quite a bit of feedback to my questions and posts on this board and although I have'nt been able to reply to each and every one I do appreciate the responses.
• 

  roybatty

  The only advice I'd give you is this. If you want to be DA'd (or don't care if you do) then answer their questions and ask your own. The elders will DA you. If you don't want to be DA'd, keep your mouth shut.
  Personally, being DA'd was closure for me and I'm glad that I chose that road. But really think about which one you'll take. Good luck.
• 

  simwitness

  1. Look at the baptismal questions (the final 2) there is/was a thread on this recently.

  2. You can also use the quotes about the Alpha and Omega, the "Sodomites"...

  3. Shunning is a good example of a lack of "christian love".

  4. Luke 21:8.

  Peace and Long Life to you, Leander!
• 

  Leander

  Here's a somewhat interesting story.

  Last night I went to the healthclub with a brother who was a former elder in my congregation. He's about 20 years older than myself but in excellent condition. He just recently returned from Las Vegas with his family, they had moved from the suburbs of Chicago the previous year. He was relating some of the experiences that he had in Las Vegas that made him decide to move back to Chicago. Apparently the friends there were very cliquish (sp?) and despite being in the congregation for almost a year this brother and his family were still treated as outsiders although they were all in good standing. While he was telling me this story I could'nt help but to think how can this really be Gods organization when incidents like this are probably going on in the WTS all over the world.

  Later that evening as we were leaving the gym he offered me some encouragement. Apparently news had gotten around to him that I had been considering leaving the religion and looking at apostate information late last year. (this was about the time I first joined the forum here) He did'nt specifically mention anything about apostates but from the tone of the conversation it was obvious that he had been informed about my doubts. So anyway he was basically trying to encourage me which I did appreciate but it only made me sad that a good person like him was so taken by this religion that he could'nt see anything else.

  Its really interesting that people always use the phrase "the organization is perfect its just the people with the flaws". But then you have to stop and think who really is the organization? Is it God or is it men? Would God be mistaken about blood and resurrection issues? Would God forget his own date set for armaggeddon? Would God allow his organization be sullied with thousands of incidents of child abuse?
• 

  Elsewhere

  My advice is to use the statement:

  "I simply wish to cease to be involved in the faith."
  http://www.jw-media.org/beliefs/beliefsfaq.htm

  "As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
  Believe in yourself, not mythology.
  <x ><
• 

  Guest 77

  Your letter is good. About answering questions, save yourself a lot of emotional stress by following the suggestion, 'silence is golden!' Enjoy your vacation.

  Guest 77
• 

  Amazing

  Hi Leander: Great post. This issue of DF or DA or FA (Fade Away) has been difficult for many. Those DF'd usually have no choice, they simply got caught up in a fray, and events spun out of control for them.

  I like your letter ... brief, and does not give you away. You might think again about writing to anyone, as this could be used to DF/DA. Given a choice, I personally would always prefer DA, because then it is me rejecting the JW religion. It sends a different signal than DF, which presumes I did something wrong.

  That said, however, you might consider an even less alarming letter. Something like this:

  Dear Brothers,

  I am resigning my position as MS, effective immediately. It has been a pleasure to know and work with some of you. I will let you know at a future date when I am able to serve once again.

  Very truly yours, 'Leander'

  The reason I suggest a letter like this is that it does not in any way imply there are any 'reasons' and cannot be used in any way against you. It is a simple resignation, with kind, but unspecific words directed at some of them.

  You will still get interrogated, but you can handle this one-on-one, hopefully, and just state that your personal cirtcumstance prevent you from serving at this time. The Elders will not like it, but in time they will let it rest.

  Then, after this, sit down with your wife and mother, etc. and have an honest heart-to-heart ... no letters. Face to face comes across better, as painful as it might be, because it sends a more sincere message. A letter to your mom might be seen as cold and distant no matter how nice you word it. It is too important to trust to written words that might be taken in a different tone than intended ... whereas the warmth and assuring tone of a face to face discussion can mitigate tension, and send a kinder message.

  Well, those are my thoughts for what they are worth. You know your own situation the best, and there is no concrete answer to fit all situations. Your Mom might be very reactive, and maybe a letter will somewhat shield you from extreme over-reactions.

  One thing you are doing that I wish I had done differently ... you are making a cleaner break sooner. I don't regret the slow pace I took at first, as this allowed my family time to think and make their own decision ... but once they were out, I should have just ended my realtionship with the Elders with a clean-cut decision. But no, I had to mess around trying to "FA" ... and in the end, I was forced into a "DA" ... at least it was not "DF".

  I wish you luck, and will be looking for posts on how it went. Hope that your wife and mom will understand and hopefully go along with you. It will make it easier if you have their support.
• 

  Salud

  Leander,
  It takes much courage to take the stand you are taking, and I laud you for it. Be aware like anything that goes contrary to popular belief you will suffer for it. I have been shunned by members of my family and 'very good friends'. But the more we are away from the BS the more convinced we are of our decision not to go back. I would suggest in your letter to write that you are relinquishing your assignments for personal reasons. Don't say no more. Don't give them much to question you on. When Jesus was being questioned by the pharisees on his last nite he remained completely silent. Good lead to take.
  Take care and best wishes.
• 

  Kismet

  You mentioned that you do not want to DA yourself. If that is the case I would suggest that you not give anything in writing. When you are ready approach the PO. Tell him that "due to personal reasons I need to step aside (proper Theocratese)from my responisiblities as a MS. For the moment I would ask not to be assigned any parts in the Service Meeting and I plan on talking to brother School Overseer and withdraw from the school for now as well. I'm not sure for how long but this is something I have to do right now."

  By using this approach you are not making anything formal. It is just like you cannot handle things right now and need a break. I have seen some bodies of elders use a simple note like you present as grounds for announcing you disassociated yourself. Never put anything in writing!

  Many when they find out the truth about 'the truth' get an almost newfound zeal in preaching to others about what they learned. I am sure you have seen the zeal of a new person in the congregation and often they have to be told to tone it down or else they will turn off people with their message. The same 'righteous over much' attitudes are there with newly appointed elders.

  Some when they leave the Borg can do the same. You know the people involved in your life. I don't. Just don't let your newfound information cause you to burn any bridges that don't have to be burned. Especially with your family. The softer the approach he better it has gone for many. Some (tipping hat to Farkel) have had better success with the 2x4 approach (tho Farkel really does have a soft side to him that helps too) but a softer approach will usually preserve familial relationships far more than if you are labelled apostate.

  Regardless of how you do it, I wish you well and good luck. It is a tough time at first but the freedom and peace of mind that I found when I left the Borg is wonderful. The sense of liberation at being able to decide for yourself what and who you like without the Society breathing down your neck using guilt to control you.

  My thoughts are with you.

  Kismet