Designs - Aha, I seeeeeee. Yes. that was a let down for me too.
HOAB - Yup. Ditto.
Finky - 100% fake cult ay.
Ever feel like you were faking it as a JW when you weren't?
by punkofnice 21 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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keyser soze
There were many times, especially in the ministry, where I had to convince myself that I was actually enjoying it. It always made me feel like there was something wrong with me when I saw the zest that others had for it, when I had none.
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Ding
I reached a point where I was half believing things.
By that, I mean that I sort of believed some of the teachings but realized that I didn't fully buy into them.
Even after 1975 came and went without the arrival of Armageddon, I still was on the fence as to what to believe.
My non-JW friends couldn't understand what more proof I needed, but I thought, "Okay, so they were wrong about 1975 being the end, but that doesn't mean all the doctrines are wrong."
I was in this awful no man's land for several years.
I look back and wonder why it took me so long to sort things out.
In the past, I made the mistake of thinking that what woke me up should wake up everyone, but it's not that simple.
We show JWs whatever woke us up -- the false prophecies or the doctrinal flipflops or the Mexico-Malawi double standard or the 607 BCE evidence or the UN NGO involvement or some Bible verses or whatever -- and can't fathom why it has no effect on them.
When I remember how hard it was for me, I realize that the mental journey out isn't easy.
Hopefully, that has made me more loving and compassionate toward JWs and XJWs who don't see things that seem clear to me now.
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punkofnice
KS - I felt like that too. Hated the failed misery but felt the guilt ease when I got home. Bladdy cult!
Ding - You hit the nail on the head.
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Separation of Powers
Part of the delusion is to convince yourself that what you are doing will merit "life eternal." Another part of the delusion is that you are not doing enough, so you are constantly striving to do more. Because those around you are suffering from the same delusion, everyone puts a smile on their face and acts like life is peachy. The fact of the matter is...life is not peachy. The routine and its monotony begin to eat at the very fiber of your individuality and you are never the same.
Your life becomes a shadow, detached from your true persona. You are part of the collective, what you do is what you ought to have done!
Guilt and shame, shame and guilt, a vicious cycle that serves to break your spirit.
SOP
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KateWild
Looking at some of the bros and sis's in the cong I can see a pattern of those who were faking it without realising it. One's used to make excuses why a householder wasn't really interested, so they didn't take them on as a study or RV. I used to ask the JW if they minded if I followed up the call, they were all to happy to let me have them.
There were also ones who were very sociable and put fun first, I wasn't bothered because I used to get invited out a lot and had a great social life, but it seemed like they were faking the rest, they never used to mark up their WTs. I feel sorry for all of them now, as I was a clueless happy JW, they are probably putting in a lot of effort for a publishing company just to keep their friends and family and don't realise that they are suffering with CD.
Kate xx
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A.proclaimer
That was me pretty much the whole time. Growing up as a JW it's the only thing you know so I always thought it was "the truth" and was glad (at times proud) I "had" it and knew more than others that weren't JWs, but at the same time I didn't have that 100% full interest. I just went along with all the teachings, believing in them. I also felt that I wasn't good enough in the congregation for not being the zealous, preacher type, with big spiritual goals, and that I should be like that, but I just didn't feel it.
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OUTLAW
I remember being proud to be a JW yet at the same time I felt that I was just fooling myself.
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...OUTLAW -
wasblind
OUTLAW !!!!!
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Vidiot
I sure felt like a fraud at times...
...OUTLAW