Hi all!! Im insanely excited and absoluteky flooeed with my wifes reacton to my honesty on the WT....shes worried about returning to who she eas, wanting to do drugs and drink and be anparty-er....so i ask many in my situation......whats next?!?!)!
I hav to ask....whats next
by Jon Preston 9 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
LisaRose
There is no reason to think that just because you left the religion that you will turn into that kind of life. If you are an adult your values are probably pretty well set. Of course I am sure a few people do go crazy and do every thing they were not allowed to do a a JW, but I am sure they get over it and grow up.
My values didn't change much at all when I left. My biggest sin was getting remarried without a "scriptural divorce". Big whup. I have never done drugs, so at 45 I didn't feel the need to start taking them. I started drinking less because I wasn't stuck in a bad marriage. I celebrate Christmas and birthdays, I would take a blood transfusion if I needed one. Other than that, I am not that much different than when I was a dub.
Your life is what YOU make of it, whether you are in or out of the religion. Many, many JWs engage in things in private that are forbidden, so I don't see how being in or out makes that much difference.
-
sarahsmile
If you explore churches many hold NA/AA meetings. Many people think that JWs helped them through drugs and alcoholism and maybe they did. But they do not have safe meetings for members. The bottom line she would have to change or die. She might need to find NA meetings when she gets ready.
Learn as much as you can about people who are married to a drug addiction or alcoholism.
Join a meeting or read books because it is important so you understand.
-
Jon Preston
Right! Cool!
-
OnTheWayOut
I started going to Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) and then went into the JW religion. I felt I no longer needed A.A. because I would stay sober for Jehovah. It worked pretty well- I only fell off the wagon a few times over 20 years. So it wasn't perfect, but I generally stayed sober and even got right back on the wagon each of those times.
When I found out that the religion was a lie, I fell off the wagon one more time. But I had already set a life-pattern of staying sober and dealing with my problem on a daily basis. I went back to A.A. again. After awhile, I tapered off and rarely go to A.A. now because I already know how to live one day at a time and how one drink could put me on the road back in a place I should not be.
The bottom line- You and your wife have already changed. You might need some help to maintain your changes, but you already went through the hardest part. It doesn't matter that you did it for Jehovah or for JW rules or relatives or for your partner or for your children. It only matters that you did it, and you can do it again today, and do your best tomorrow.
-
EndofMysteries
It's her choice. Not everybody who leaves JW's nor is not a JW lead a debauched life. You'll find in regards to biblical morals (if she wants to stick to those) are practiced without fear of shunning by many Christian churches.
I also know someone who was majorly into drugs, stealing, jail, prostitution, etc, who had their entire life turned around when they got help from a Prysberterian (however it's spelt) Church that had drug programs. The past 20 years she's never returned to that and now helps those with drug problems as well. Her church also had specialized training and helpers for depressed and those contemplating suicide, unlike the recently posted Elder's training video, which pretty much said, "Don't commit suicide or Jehovah will kill you at armagedon".
-
EndofMysteries
What Sarahsmile said just made me think...... It's one thing for a worldly drug/alcohol problem to get help from JW's, even though they don't really have training for it. But if an active member was to talk about that issue, they help they would get would be in the form of a judicial committee to find out how many times they slipped and if they should be disfellowedshipped or not so they can help themselves in isolation for the next 2 years or so.
-
ABibleStudent
Hi Jon Preston, How old was your wife when she wanted to do drugs and drink and be a party animal? Was she married to you? How much did your wife actualy do? Your wife is possibly not the same person who she was when she wanted to do drugs and drink and be a party animal.
She might have a lot more work overcoming the phobias that the WTBTS indoctrinates JWs with and the resulting personality changes than she would have overcoming desires to do drugs and drink now.
If she is so afraid of wanting to do drugs and drink, ask her if she would like to talk with a counselor. There are better options for both of you than being victimized by the WTBTS.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
-
blablabluh
I think the biggest mistake anyone could make after leaving is doing drugs, excessive drinking and becoming a "party animal". You might have missed out in these things but really, it's a good thing. Drugs are definetly bad and will ruin your life, and possibly marriage more than the watchtower. I've seen it happen.
I left and just lived a normal life like most normal people. There are decent people out there who live good lives without drugs.
-
JWdaughter
Not sure of your ages or stages (kids?),but here is the thing.A lot of people go through a phase when they are partying and being pretty silly and irresponsible. Then they GROW UP. Unless your wife and you are still in your early 20's, you have probably become fully mature adults and have literally left that part of your childhood behind.
If there were actual problems beyond youth and immaturity, deal with them proactively (a-anon or doctor or therapy or whatever is needed).
People often turn to religion when they WANT something to change. That might well have been a decision that preceeded her involvement with the WT org, it was jus the vehicle she used. you are grown ups now.Hopefully, the silly stuff is over in any case.