by Terry 14 Replies latest jw friends
The simple act of visiting terminal patients in a local hosptial utterly destroyed the myth of Jehovah's loving Witnesses for me because
I realized not one minute of my 20 year ministry had been directed toward such persons.
The utter disregard for human need, suffering and lonliness--for real--is a stark reminder that the GB only teach WORDS and promote only actions
that devolve into selling books and magazines. PEOPLE are disregarded as important.
i relly like what you said. My problem is that although I have left JWs long ago and I don't believe in God at all. I also don't believe in the world. I am extremely upset by the thinking and actions of people in general. I sometimes feel that I would be most happy in remote Alaska. The truth is though that what I really want is fellowship with like minded peole. I cant seem to find it anywhere. I am now 48 and sometimes I have feelings of desperation because I just don't understand the world I live in. Anyway I enjoyed reading what you wrote this morning. Thanks Jef
One important thing to understand is that before you can move on you must accept what has happened. Yes, we were duped by a cult. Yes, we made bad decisions. Sit with that and think about it. There is nothing that can be done about the wasted years. Don't fight it, accept that it happened, but also accept that you were smart enough to get out when many did not. Pat yourself on the back, you did good, but understand that acceptance is just the beginning.
Now you need to understand why you are not connecting with others. Are you still holding people to the standards you had as a JW? If so, stop that. What good did being a judgemental JW do you? If you are like me, not much, eventually when they got bored with judging non JWs, they turned on me. I was visiting a church and noticed that people were dressed very casually, it just seemed wrong. Then I realized that was silly, it was a warm, loving group of people, who cares if they weren't wearing suits and dresses? They were having a lot more fun than the dubs at the kingdom hall.
The need for connecting with others is universal, but sometimes hard to find, especially if you are introverted like I am. It takes persistence, and hope and you have to put yourself out there, it's kind of scary. Many people have trouble fitting in, you are not alone. Look for connections in your every day life. My husband talks to everyone, the baristas at Starbucks, the dry cleaner, the people on the bus, etc. They all know his name, and he knows their name. Studies have shown that what makes for a happy life is positive social contacts every day. So look for those opportunities, keep an open mind, you might be surprised, people love to be noticed, they all have an interesting story. I have a hard time doing this, but it does lead to some interesting conversations. My husband invited a woman to join us at a bar while on a trip to England, we ended up staying with her and her husband for three days. Had he not taken that risk it wouldn't have happened.
Of course there is the usual, clubs, churches, volunteering. I found myself becoming isolated, as I work from home. So I do some volunteer work and met some very nice people that way. I even considered joining a church, just to meet some people. There are churches that will welcome you, even if you are an Athiest. The one I went to was United Church of Christ, UCC, sometimes also called Congregational. The pastor told me that at any one time about 40% of the congregation is Athiest, although it may not be the same people from week to week. They do a lot of community service, feeding the hungry, etc. Really, they were a great bunch of people. I also volunteer on my Homeowners association board, It's great because I get to meet my neighbors.
I sometimes feel like I want to just stay home and not deal with people, so I understand your feelings of wanting to move to Alaska, but that is not good, it's a negative mindset that will get you nowhere. Yes it's easier, you don't risk being hurt by anyone, but you also miss out on the possibility of connecting with others and building a happy life. Don't settle for that. We all wasted enough years because of this stupid cult, don't let that keep you from living your best life now.
I really appreciate the wisdom in your words, Terry. After spending so many years in therapy, learning about co-dependence, I agree completely with the need to avoid religion. If we came out of a religion that we were addicted to, then chances are, if we don't give ourself enough time to heal that co-dependent behavior, we quite likely will be drawn into another similarly-structured type of belief system.
Case in point: When I was dating a man after my divorce, he wanted me to attend his church. After attending a few times I remember saying to him, "I don't want to go with you to your church anymore. It is too much like what I left behind when I left the JWs!" It was a Christian Alliance group, one of the more fundamentalist church groups in Saskatoon, where I used to live. Big church, too.
Needless to say, he did not like hearing that. But I was speaking my truth. It had to be said.
I have ordered your book. I think it will make for some interesting reading, if I can get past the feeling of going into that heavy energy again. If I can manage the read, it might strengthen my skin yet another layer --- so to speak. I'm willing to give it a try.
I've been out since the year 2000.
Thanks again for your wise words.
satinka
Fascinating Terry and very true.
Does posting frequently on this ex-JW forum count as a little box of madness?
Leaving the JW's can trigger an existential crisis.
JW's are so fearful of it. How often do you hear JW's say something like "but where else will we go?" The void is too scarey. There's nothing else, just a vacuum. To leave feels like looking into the face of the grim reaper almost.
I only found real mental enlightenment upon realising that the Bible is definitely not the 'inspired word of God'. It cannot possibly be. It was reading philosophy on the problem of evil, and the irresistible logic and reasoning of the great skeptics (Voltaire, Paine, Ingersoll, Hitchens, et al) that set me free. Until one realises that, they will always be susceptible to returning to the JWs or ending up in some other religion.
The advice to take a 'gap' year from the JW's and do lots of open research is an excellent suggestion. Take a sabbatical from all organised religion and open your mind. Go on an intellectual adventure. You won't regret it.
I know a very sweet lady who works for a nutritional supplement company and is totally into "health."
The only problem? She isn't healthy at all.
Why?
She is a fanatic and has been sucked in to--what I'll call--a religion of health quackery.
This lady is bright, intelligent a splendid writer and world traveler. But, she's been made totally paranoid by the
hype and double talk of faddism.
She spends an hour each night in her OWN hyperbaric chamber that she paid a LOT of money for.
She is constantly DE-TOXING and feels awful.
All she goes on and on about is how polluted our food, air, water, and bodies have become.
She told me she paid three thousand dollars last year to have her blood transfused OUT and filtered and transfused BACK IN!
Oh no--not at a hospital--a private health club!
So, what am I telling you all of this for?
Fanatics are everywhere and it isn't simply God and religion. It can be sports, automobiles, guns, food, animals, enviornmental concerns.
Just because the CAUSE is worthwhile--doesn't mean fanatics aren't involved!
End of sermon. . .
