Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
I was born in 1970 in a little village in the North West of Europe (Holland).
Were you a born in or a convert?
I'm born in the religion. I'm / was the 4th generation witness in the family.
Are your parents / family JWs?
Most of all my family members are witnesses. The family's were converted in 1943 and 1946. The fear during the second world war en the loss of family members were the main reason to become a witness. What's better then a paradise at the horizon?
How many generations have been JWs?
My son and daughter are the 5th generation witnesses. They are too young to realise.
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
MS and did public talks on sunday. And bookstudy conductor (remembering conducting the Revelation bookstudy, it was awfull!)
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
I think I believed in many aspects of the religion because I was learned to do so from my childhood days. But I remember being 6 years old and thinking in the kingdom hall "were are they talking about, I don't get it".
Did you get baptised? When and why?
Yes, I was baptised in 1988 at the same convention when the Revelation book was published. It was a normal step for me, not a real dedication. It felt not special. It was a formal thing to do.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
The 1995 generation change was the trigger for me. And the Publisher book did a lot too!! Also my best friend started questioning earlier... He gave me the Raymond Franz books. The last and uliimate trigger were the Daniel, Isaia and Jeremia books. I don't like it that World history is being used for the Watchtower end time story's. It's still strange they can get away with that. The horn blowing angels at Cedar Point. The wooden table at the UN in The Hague. The three litle horns of the beast. It's mad isn't it?!?
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
In 1995 the Internet was not common in The Netherlands. First I did research at the local Library, finding boxes with old interviews. In 1997 I got an Internet connection at home and then I found hourglass.org. It was a shock for me to read al the scandals and doctrinal things. I remember some websites about JW's starting with a disclaimer "Are you sure you want to read the truth about JW (y/n)!
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
Enourmous, huge and immens. With a lot of doubts and pain. A lot of headache. I felt every string of DNA in my body protesting! Since then I know that JW's are being programmed / indoctrinated by the organization.
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
I'm still fading. Not really in and not really out the organization.
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
Yes, both my wife and me are fading.
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
This is the most strange thing about our fading: not one family member is asking questions about our fade. The whole family keeps it silence.
They only don't let me pray at family party's and I don't miss it.
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
The members of the local congregation don't now how to react. Some are shunning me.
How long have you now been out?
Last visit to the hall at the memorial in april.
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
No, no life plans. I did the bachelor and master degree.
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
My education: a bachelor and a master degree. It felt like winning a battle against the organization.
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
No. I don't miss it at all. Maybe watching football with the bookstudy group after the book study.
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
Very difficult. I was more happy before waking up! Life was so sweet simple ((: !
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
No atheist and no transfer. I believe in "something". I think I believe also in life design. By God? By some higher power?
How do you now feel about religion in general?
All organized religion are a snare and a racket, to use some famous words.
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
No. We celebrate birthdays and xmas since two year. We like it! And regret the lost birthdays!
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
No. I don't like organizad religion and ex-religion.
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
Regular family members.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
No. I keep it a mystery. I don't like to talk about it. In my active years I avoid the toppic also.
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
No. I feel animosity against the leaders of the JW religion. And against the JW spindocters. There are a lot! And against the JW lawyers. They know all the inside trouble and keep teling it's the best way of life!
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
Last time they didn't recognize me and I got a tract.
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
I think some activism can be good.
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
They know something stinks in JW-land. I would approach them about the financial part of the organization. The big sell of Brooklyn and the ongoing asking for more money.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
It will stay, since 1874. They are in a reorganization now. And they will keep changing if they need. I think they have a 20 year future plan.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
Yes it is. Tonight I went awake thinking about armageddon. That's not good, is it?
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
Yes. For keeping the rank and file bussy and for keeping them simple. Joe Publisher is what i mean.
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
I don't know. I think the protection thing was what our family did like.
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
It's the best time ever. When I enter a kingdom hall I feel bad. Field service again? Never!
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
Yes, too much. A daily visit at JWN.
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
Too much, one hour a day.
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
It's a diverse community. Sometimes I wonder why people still hurt each other at a forum, just being hurt in a congregation.
I like also the old community, Jim Penton etc. They are getting old now but started in the '70 and '80 with a framework for us.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
I think it will never be over.
Do you fear the future?
Yes. Because my parents are getting older and there will be a moment they will pass away. They will be hurt.
And I think I will be hurt again because they would never die! And I fear the future for my children.
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
Read the Raymond Franz books and you will get an inside look in the organization. It will be enough to leave or fade.
Once reading Raymond books it will never be the same again.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
More humble and less black / white. I think I could be a better human. More loving to my wife and children.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
No, not at all.
Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)
No (....)