Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
I answered all the questions first then went back to this to fill it in. In all, I don't let very many see my true self. What I wrote here was a different experience for me and gave a glimpse into my life and personal thoughts that feels very foreign to be so brutally honest.
I am a programmer focusing on mobile apps. I love programming. It has such logic and order that I appreciate. My wife and I met as Witnesses and we have known each other since our late teens. We are coming up on 15 years of marriage.
Many people say they have a perfect marriage, but closer examination reveals it to be just wishful thinking. I feel that I have as close to a perfect marriage as is possible. We don't fight but there is still passion. To date we have had 3 actual real arguments that could be termed as "fights".
We just click.
We have 3 boys that are growing up into fine young men and really they are my life.
Were you a born in or a convert?
Born in
Are your parents / family JWs?
My parents and two brothers are the only JWs
How many generations have been JWs?
2
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
Nope, I really tried and regardless of what I did I was always told I had to do more. It was later that I found out that my father had been deleted twice and as such I wouldn't be allowed to join the inner circle.
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
At a young age I really believed it since my parents told me so. The older I got, the less believeable it seemed. I wanted to believe it, but deep down it just didn't make sense to me.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
When I was 10, my oldest brother was getting baptized and I wanted to as well. It was merely a challenge to me. I asked to take the questions and they humored me. Back then the questions were administered in 3 sessions by 3 different elders. I passed the first set, then the second but the elder that did the second set talked to my parents afterward. I listened in and heard him telling my parents that I knew all the answers, but it didn't reflect actual understanding. He could continue with the questions, but felt that it wasn't in my best interest to continue at this age.
My mother was very upset. She wanted to have a "little witness superstar" that she could parade around. She pushed back for a bit arguing that I should be baptized but in the end my father won out and I didn't retake the questions until I was 13.
I just wanted to make my parents happy and have people pay attention to how smart I was.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
I always asked questions, about everything. I loved knowledge and read extensively (thus my avatar being book) At first the questions were easy and my mom would give me the answers, as I got into my mid teens the questions become too complex for her though she was proud at me for "thinking deeply". She would have me ask elders in the congregation who would answer what they could until the questions become too difficult to answer and the replies became "Trust in Jehovah" or "Have faith that Jehovah will provide an answer".
That was not good enough for me, I needed the answers and started questioning why some topics couldn't be addressed.
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
I had no idea about Ray Franz until I found posts about him on here. I posted on the Usenet under alt.discussion.jehovah-witness, initally as an apologist, then later as an apostate. Turned out the evil apostates were the ones that had the answers to my questions and many questions I should have asked myself.
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
The actual leaving process was horrible. I really thought family came first and was shocked to be cast aside.
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
Quiet fade out
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
I was able to convince my wife to leave. In fact it was her leaving that was the catalyst for me taking a firm stand to leave
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
Both my parents and in-laws shunned me automatically. My brothers initially said they wouldn't but then after trying to convince me to come back each of them decided to shun me instead.
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
Yup
How long have you now been out?
Since 2007
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
Celebrating Christmas
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
Raising my children as non-jws.
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
Way back our congregation used to hold summer BBQ's or gatherings after the book study. They were genuinely enjoyable but as I grew older, some people moved in, others out and cliques formed that made these gatherings more status oriented and less enjoyable.
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
Never, I would rather live as a pauper in truth, than a rich man in a lie. It is just the way I am wired.
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
I peg myself as agnostic. I don't feel there is a God or Intelligent creator, but I also recognise that humans are mere infants in sense of cosmic awareness. We are just waking up as a species and as such I cannot rule out a God. Some times I look at the complexity of DNA. How a single egg and sperm cell can act as the blueprint to grow people and animals, but it is a question to be answered, not a mystical thing, never to be understood.
I marvel at the complexities of the universe, not to give thanks to a creator, but in how much we have yet to learn
How do you now feel about religion in general?
I have studied many religions and haven't found any that weren't an attempt to attain power or control others
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
I don't feel guilt, but I get no enjoyment out of my birthday. I never had one so I have no happy memories to pull on to remember. The only thing that prompts a feeling of guilt is singing the national anthemn. It just doesn't come up enough in my life to get used to it.
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
I did attend a large gathering that was organized on JWD in Toronto.
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
I am a very guarded individual. I am quite comfortable with who I am and don't have a burning desire for friendship. I hope I don't smother her, but my wife is my best friend. Beyond her I tollerate others, keep in contact with a few I met online, but I am not a stereotypical male. The best I can describe myself is a proud geek. I enjoy the company of other geeks, but have very few I would actually call "friend"
Do you tell people about your JW past?
If it applies, I am embarassed over being one. If it comes up, I will answer any questions and provide a fine anti-witness, but it is not something I want people to think of when they talk about me.
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
animosity towards the leadership and those that abuse their position or power to bully others. Pity for most of the rank and file who really believe what they are doing is God's will.
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
They don't. We get a drive by tracting close to the memorial, but my wife told the last two that visited that she would call the police if they ever returned
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
I feel both are necessary but in moderation. Over the top activism can detract from the message and too much support can prevent someone from ever moving on.
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
I think you need to find why they remain a member, is it family, fear of death, a sense of community? This isn't something that will be volunteered and not every member can be reached.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
They need reform to keep growing. They are too large now to use fear tactics to control the minds of others. So long as they try to control the masses, they will keep slipping through the fingers at an increasing rate.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
My parents were very strict with me as over comepensation for my wild older brother. I was not allowed to date which led me to feel inadequate dating later on. Financially, I have had to provide everything for myself. I had to pay for my own education and settle for a college rather than university due to my parent's poor choices with money.
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
I did learn to read early and speak to the public, a skill I carry with me today. I cannot say if the same abilities would have been cultivated in me if I were raised in a non JW family.
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
I still read and play games online. I spend time with my wife and sons.
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
Only to the point of looking for the "silver bullet" that will wake my parents up.
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
Each day I spend 10-30 mins in different communities providing my experiences or comments
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
the ex-JW community is largely flawed. While it takes on properties of communities from other standard online sites, it is fraught with some unique examples you will not find elsewhere. There are a great many whose experiences and viewpoints portray wisdom and genuine caring, and there are also some I term "emotional vampires" who thrive on attention whether real or fabricated.
Most of my viewpoints are shades of grey but I feel the ex-JW community has more positives to offer than negatives.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
If my family is still around and members, I will likely still be involved.
Do you fear the future?
I don't fear it, but I do feel sad about it. I don't believe in life after death so as I age it feels like getting to the end of a good book. You look at how many pages are left and feel sorry that it will eventually be over. Wishing it wouldn't end is naive and I know there isn't a sequel for me to pick up.
The prospect of living forever is very appealing, but lie is still a lie even if I wish it were true. I would rather face the future with tears in my eyes than turn my back to it to live in denial with a smile.
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
Know yourself. Discover yourself. Always ask questions. Don't get lost in hate or self pity. It may seem overwhelming, but it gets better.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
I would tell myself to get out earlier and get university degree.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
I like to think that I have made the most of my life given what I started with. For me, there are several regrets about my childhood, but it is in the past. I cannot alter it so it is not worth time spent dwelling on what could have been. For me, I have come to terms that it is my role to break the cycle and give my children the choices I didn't have. It is a strange mixture of pride and jealousy to watch them enjoy their life. I wish my childhood could have been like I am providing for my children, but since wasn't, I am proud to see my boys making the most of it.
Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)
My attempts to wake my wife up and eventual leaving played out on these forums. You can view the topics I have created here to see it unfold.
Want to share your own story? Please use the Interview with an Apostate: Template and post it in the Personal Experiences & Reunions section with the title "Interview with an Apostate: [your name or alias]"