Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
Middle aged male in United States married 3 score and some to a staunch JW. Empty nesters. Wife belongs to a family of JWs going back 3 generations. NO JWs in my immediate family.
Were you a born in or a convert?
Convert. Oh how I should have heeded the warnings from my family before I agreed to that study with a JW elder who, in retrospect, used every thought stop and coercive tactic in the JW arsenal on me.
Are your parents / family JWs?
My parents and immediate family going back as far as I know wanted nothing to do with JWs. In fact, I remember growing up that JW's were routinely ran off our property by my dad.
How many generations have been JWs?
None
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
None. Other than acting as an occasional reader during some bookstudies. I wasn’t in there long enough to career although I had a sense that a couple of elders who knew me well had me on the fast track for “privileges”.
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
I did at the time. But, now, I’ve come to believe that those are all constructs used to impart fear and exercise control over people.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
Got baptized in 1991 feeling it was the right thing to do at that time.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
I was an initial skeptic before my study started, but, the elder I studied with was very proficient in side stepping, putting off, and rewording my doubts and questions in a way that he had a pat answer for. After my baptism, the elder I was studying with started missing our indoctrinating sessions without notice. I would be sitting at my kitchen table with my little “truth” book in hand and he just wouldn’t show up. While we were out in service one day, I perceived him to be “handing me off” as a study to some guy I didn’t even know, had never seen before, who I was told had just been reinstated.
A small light went off in my head. Like a cheap whore, I’d been rode hard and put away wet.
It took about a year after baptism for me to notice the lack of concern and care for anybody who couldn’t be used to count time with or impress to gain privileges.
But, what really was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me was realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to take care of my family on fast food wages, I decided to go back to school. Shortly thereafter, at the behest of my wife, I had several elders come into my home, sitting on my couch, dressing me down about me wasting my time going back to school and that my time would be better spent out in the ministry. Now, I’m at the cusp on finishing my graduate degree, got a stable six figure income working with multi-million dollar technology equipment, the biggest house on the block, and a grateful wife who hasn’t had to work a secular job in the past 15 years.
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
Stumbled across several internet sites. Remember the old days of H2O and the one with just WT quotes without commentary which eventually led me here. Was still a little strange feeling going to the library and checking out CoC which I devoured during my lunch hours. Ray only confirmed what I’d seen while in.
The God Delusion sits on a shelf in my office.
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
I remember one encounter in particular with my wife. One night, she was questioning me with such veracity about me not going to meetings, wanting to know why, and not listening to or altogether blasting the reasons I was giving her why, I literally got sick to the point of walking to the bathroom and throwing up. Walking out of the bathroom with vomit down my chest, she picked up right where she left off.
I knew then that if this was the way that organization or any god makes people act, that I was never going back.
My blood family was ecstatic that I’d left all that JW nonsense behind, but, between me and the wife, it was the elephant in the room ignored.
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
No big dramatic exit. After baptism, I would say I only lasted about 2 or 3 years in. Just decided one day that I'd had enough, wasn’t going to do it anymore no matter the cost and stopped attending cold turkey. Since I was a nobody in the congregation, it was barely noticed.
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
Left by myself. Later, I stepped in in defense of our kids that if they didn’t want to go, they didn’t have to. They bailed immediately and are, to this day, verbally gratuitious that I stood up for them. In essence, I strategically pulled out and successfully used the “headship” card.
Wife was pretty devastated about it, but, she got over it.
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
Blood relatives ecstatic. JW-in-laws melancholoy about it. If they had any conversations about it, it was outside of my presence. They just treat me as friendly and cordial to their faith but not in the least bit interested.
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
I wouldn’t know. I’ve determined that I am going to live my life as I wish and I don’t give a fat rat’s ass about what anybody else think. Don’t want to associate with me……fine.......keep your crusty ass off my property and out of my face.
When JWs cross my threshhold me wife has been given the expectation that they should be in "guest" mode. My wife knows that if I perceive that I'm being "shunned" while JWs are in my home, family or not, they can expect to be kicked to the curb so fast their ass will leave skidmarks down the driveway.
How long have you now been out?
Been out for 21 years. It only took me 2 years to experience and see what it has apparently taken others here a big chunk of their lives. I guess I really didn’t “make the truth my own”!!!!!
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
Living life outside of the emotional and intellectual box being a JW trapped people in.
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
Finishing my educational goals and keeping my marriage intact. It wasn’t easy to get to this point and took a lot of patience and perseverance. Though my wife still attends, I still get her authentic persona 98% of the time.
During the other 2% of the time, when she see my eyes glaze over, she knows it is time to stop.
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
Not one thing. Who wants to live their live as a hamster in a wheel going nowhere.
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
Red pill. NO regrets.
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
I would say that right now I agnostic. Transferred my faith to my instincts and trusting my own judgement.
How do you now feel about religion in general?
Big organized religious organizations are just tools men use to control the masses and enrich themselves. The bigger and moe organized the religion, the more rot there is inside.
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
Have no problem celebrating Christmas, thanksgiving or any other Holiday. Don’t necessarily do them at home as we’re empty nesters, but, when invited by family will attend. In fact, my wife often attends and participate with me playing the role of the dutiful wife. I suspect that she secretly delights in celebratory activities despite her JW upbringing.
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
Nope. Hanging out on this site is about all the exposure to the ex-JW community I have time for.
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
Don’t have a lot of friends other than associates I work with. Between school and work, I am often too busy for a heavy social schedule.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
Nope. That’s all behind me.
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
Pity that they are mentally trapped slaving their lives away for a real estate holding and publishing company that could care less whether they lived or died, as long as they keep pushing converts through their revolving doors.
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
I tell them my wife is one, go and get her, and let her deal with them.
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
Support when it is requested. I am a live and let live kind of guy.
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
Pointing out to them their blatant hypocrisy when they are trying to make judgement calls on me because of my non-attendance. Get in my face about the JW-mantra and I’ll be patient and nice about it for awhile, but keep pushing and I’ll blow them out the water and leave them speechless.
Two elders, visiting me for a shepherding call a few years ago, were recipients of my wrath when, trying to corner me with the analogy of their organization being the figurative modern day ark of salvation, I told them point blank that as long as we are discussing bible topics that is fine but that I would not allow them to use biblical topics and their belief in their faith to browbeat me into either agreeing with or submitting to their authority.
My shocked wife left the room.
They departed soon thereafter……without a closing prayer.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
I think that organization is circling the bowl currently and is in a slow state of decline. It is only a matter of time till their business model and influence is extinct with the advancement and proliferation of new technologies that spread information of what they are really about.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
I wasn’t in it long enough to have a large impact on my life. It did increase my desire to trust my own judgement and to not allow my conscious to be dictated to.
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
The 100% happiness and life fulfillment of my wife. She is such a smart and attractive woman. If she jettisoned the slavery of WT mental psychobabble she would be a force to be reckoned with in the business world.
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
Was not brought up a JW. Thank God……..assuming he exists.
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
Work, education, and travel.
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
Only in passing as an exercise of critical thinking ability. It’s gotten to the point, though, of being like shooting fish in a barrel.
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
Other than the time I spend on this site…..none.
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
I think some are brilliant in how they can pull together all the flaws of the WT organization and present then in a way that can’t be argued against rationally. Others I feel are hopelessly trapped in a circle of activity of becoming the very type of people they’ve sought to distance themselves from in choosing not to be a JW.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
As long as my wife continues to be a witness, probably so.
Do you fear the future?
Nope. Don’t fear death either. As for that moment of transition from life to death……..that’s another story.
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
To be careful not to self fulfill the prophecies the WT paints of all who choose to not submit to their authority. It’s not necessary to go all butt wild crazy and spiral into self-destruction. There are plenty of activities to be devoted to that will have a positive impact on your life.
Depart at your own pace on your own terms and trust your instincts.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
I would have never accepted that offer of a study from that elder.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
Nope. My life, and indeed, the circumstances within which me and my wife live have only gotten better since I decided not to be a witness and to follow my own path.
Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)
Nope.