How does one begin to rebuild?

by MsGrowingGirl20 12 Replies latest jw experiences

  • MsGrowingGirl20
    MsGrowingGirl20

    Hey guys :-)

    I am soooooo lonely. I feel as though I have been cheated since all my potential for good friends in high school were taken away as well as now all my witness friends won't talk to me even though i'm not reproved or df. I have made good friends in university but there's this big chunk of my life that no one really understands. I keep wondering who i am? The things that i do it this me or remnants of the conditioning?

    Have any of you succeeded in building your life back and finding yourself? What helped?

    :-)

  • franticfran
    franticfran

    Oh sweetheart,I remember this so well you feel like your on your own lonely island,but let me tell you it does get better. I found this forum and found some realy kind supportive people and one in particular,now I can barely remember the names of those so called christians!! Stay here a while and meet others who have been where you are now,and it will get better I promise. Talk it all out were all listening. x

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Hi MsGrowingGirl20, What do you like to do? Do you want to meet girlfriends or boyfriends? The best way to meet new friends is to do something that you are passionate about. Your passion will shine and people will be attracted to you. Search the internet for things that you like to do in your local community. Don't limit your search to meeting religious people, or getting involved with charities. What about singing in a chorus, dancing until the sun rises, going on a vacation, etc.

    When you meet new friends, just remember to ask them more questions than you answer and keep your answers shorter than theirs. Think about ways to learn more about your friends and in time tell them more about yourself. People like to talk about themselves and tell other people their opinions, so let them until you decided that you want to be closer friends with them.

    Don't waste another minute regretting about your childhood as a JW. Start living your life for yourself.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    Hey Girl,

    I think you're about 20/21 years old.

    It's not possible to build something "back" that really hasn't been built yet for the 1st time.

    At your age, you only have a few building blocks set in place. It takes years to build a life.

    You have many years to complete that task.

    You are not starting over. You are just starting out.

    Seize life with gusto and live it!

    GET A GOOD EDUCATION!

    Good luck!

    Doc

  • adamah
    adamah

    MSGG asked- Have any of you succeeded in building your life back and finding yourself? What helped?

    By exiting the JWs, you have liberated yourself to allow yourself the opportunity to grow. But growth isn't inevitable: it's still on you to determine HOW to grow, and what you want to be. You're now in a better position than most JWs who learn TTATT, since you went to college, but that doesn't mean that you aren't a bit behind the curve, since you spent some time wasting time (granted, it wasn't like you were smoking crack, etc). Fortunately life is not a foot-race, and there's no 'goal' other than what you create as YOUR goal.

    I think of the words of Henry Thoreau who said (paraphrased) that he wasn't put on the Planet in order to DO or accomplish anything specific, but just to enjoy the experience, maintaining a sense of wonderment and appreciation of the experience itself. Before death, Thomas Huxley said that he was frustrated that having spent his life studying the human condition, he had nothing better to offer as far as insight into life as his "famous last words" other than to say, 'try to be a little bit kinder'. It really IS that simple, and all the religious baggage is simply complex theological busy-work to buy eternal salvation which isn't even there.

    But back to you: so rather than looking back at what you lost, or worrying about the experiences which you felt you were deprived, look ahead, thinking about what and where you want to be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, etc. Take some time for honest self-assessment of your strengths, or which weaknesses you'd like to turn into strengths. JWs have TONS of experience delivering sales pitches, but a shocking ability to connect with others: likely due to believing they are right, and the others are wrong. Easy to say, but try to really understand what others are saying, rather than 'preaching'.

    Set and write down goals (even if only to read a good book every month; I try to make it to the library or Barnes and Noble just to browse, and it's good to read a book that interests you, commiting to being a life-long learner). Set goals, but don't dogmatically stick to them, allowing yourself the permission to be flexible and willing to change direction as the conditions change.

  • MsGrowingGirl20
    MsGrowingGirl20

    I have started playing volleyball at school so hopefully i meet some people

  • designs
    designs

    Going to U. school was a good start for me.

  • blondie
    blondie

    If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there. I found it imperative to know what I wanted and didn't want and how to get there. It may mean reading people's experiences, talking to a mature person you trust, going to a counselor, make a plan.

    Blondie

  • MsGrowingGirl20
    MsGrowingGirl20

    Thank you guys

  • MysticMage
    MysticMage

    I found listening to demonic music and playing with ouija boards in a dark room really helped in feeling better

    about the whole situation.

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