What does freedom from The Watchtower look like in the life of a former JW?

by JustMeNonJDub 27 Replies latest jw friends

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  Giordano

  I agree with smiddy we gained 20 to 30 hours a week to do what really mattered to us. In our case we became artists and exhibited all over the country.

  The right to escape the alturnitive........ 20 to 30 plus hours of tedious study and contact.

  We gained the right to set aside our parents religion which was filled with ignorant beliefs.

  We gained the right to decide what medical treatment we wanted and didn't want.

  The right to research and come to different conclusions then the WTBTS did.

  We found eternal truths about family and self not an ever shifting 'new light' getting brighter BS.

  The right to associate with decent people who had their own set of ideas and beliefs.

  The right to associate with educated people who actually knew stuff..... often important stuff.

  The right to celebrate holidays and birthdays as a way of showing respect to friends and family.

  The right to live a good, healthy and productive life.

  The right to have an economically secure retirement.

  The right to keep most of our teeth because we had enough money to afford decent dental care.
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  Dis-Member

  Pretty wonderful actually.

  After the confusion, frustration, dissapopinment, dissolusionment, anger, the feeling of having been lied to, conned, deceived has passed. And it does pass, the feeling of just being able to live one's life and no longer be a man pleaser is so liberating one would never want to trade one's liberty and freedom again.

  makes me wonder how we all let it happen in the first place.
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  Bruja-del-Sol

  After I left every tuesday and thursday night I would think "aaaah so wonderful, I don't have to go to a meeting tonight". Every saturday morning I felt so free, because I didn't have to go out into field service and could stay in bed if I wanted to, and every sunday morning I was so happy that I didn't have to go to yet another meeting. Those thoughts and feelings lasted for over five years, and finally it became normal to live my life without the WTBTS.

  I think these feelings lasted that long, because of the huge amount of guilt I always felt when I didn't attend the meetings or field service when I was still a JW.

  Another thing that bothered me for quite a while was the fear of demons. The first nights after I left my ex-husband I heard noises and 'felt' things. I know now it was just my anxiety, 'cause I was soooo scared... I really believed demons were out there to 'get' me. I lived at a (non JW) friends house for a while and she wanted to watch the first Harry Potter movie... I managed to watch the first ten minutes or so and then couldn't handle my anxiety anymore, so I ran away to my bedroom, feeling very afraid because I thought the demons would come after me because of watching that movie! Took me some time to get over that and realise that nothing would happen to me, no demons, no Satan coming after me... it was only the lifelong programming by the WT, that when you're DF'd you're in the hands of Satan and I believed it.

  Now I am totally free of those fears. I even became a witch, something I was always fascinated by (even as a child) but I thought witches were evil and bad... until I met someone very nice who told me she was a witch. I couldn't believe it... she was just lovely! So I started reading lots of books about witchcraft, I wanted to know what it REALLY is, and found that it matched exactly with how I feel about things, about life. And then I found that there is a proper training to become a real white witch, so I did that and now I'm an initiated witch. Nothing Harry Potter like, just living in harmony with nature and using the forces and powers that nature provides us and the power of thought, which is the true magic.

  Being able to live this way and not caring about people liking it or not (my family hates me for it, they have no idea what I do or believe, but just the word 'witch' to them is like a red rag to a bull) is pure freedom to me. And having a husband that supports me in everything is the icing on the cake!
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  fresh prince of ohio

  for me that freedom has been a double-edged sword. The strong group identity and sense of purpose are aspects of it that I've sorely missed. Most of all, JWism gave me a temporary reprieve from the death terror that I've been experiencing since I was a teenager.
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  AbaDaddy

  As someone that was born into the religion, leaving it was a daunting consideration; I had no experience, knew nothing of any alternative beliefs and lifestyles. I was 20 years old at the time, and in hindsight, over 20 years later now, it was the only right thing to do. So much has happened since then, but I can say with complete confidence that the decision to leave was unequivocally the best.

  Altough I give complete encouragment and support for anyone seeking answers, I think it difficult to give advice to people who may be delicately and tentatively broaching the idea of leaving, as I know of people that did not manage so well, or even, at all. The reasons, of which I am quite sure, relating to the psychologically enforced dependence on the Organisation and the quite strictly advised segregation from anything and anyone else. Whilst never considering a return to faith - although, easing myself out, soothing my parents with the possibility - I did struggle psychologically. Although not officially disfellowshiped, I was 'marked' (publicly and personally ignored) by all, including my extended family, and any support or advice requested from my immediate family was denied. This, as it turns out, really was better for me, and not in the way they intended (or more correctly, were told to treat me). They simply had nothing to offer me; for what I was curious about and investigating I did not need their support or advice on anything. since I was 15 yrs old.

  If leaving, I would advise to think and act responsibly whilst doing so, gather some support and maintain stability. At least until you gain confidence and independence in your decision.

  Edit to add: As NVR2L8 neatly described, bad and/or no advice, support or encouragement on education, career and future planning is nothing short of criminal. The kind of indoctrination required (that's right, required; necessary, even) by many religious organisations should be considered, as Dawkins not so tacitly states, abusive.
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  DesirousOfChange

  I (we, on most days) have some to realize the religion is a bunch of manmade mumbo jumbo. There is no last days, great tribulation, armageddon, and Panda Paradise soon to be upon us. No everlasting life in paradise. We're going to die, just as our long-time JW parents are dying.

  Unfortunately, it leaves a huge void in your life in many ways.

  Loss of friends. And new friends are difficult to make.

  Loss of hope. Once you've learned its a pipe dream there's that "hole".

  Loss of pride. Once you've learned you've been duped for decades.

  Loss of ambition. Hopefully that's a temporary things from the period of depression you go through.

  Doc -- hoping to get to the place Flipper & others have found.
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  FirstLastName

  The biggest change for me was the absolute relief from fear and anxiety I had while I was a JW. You never knew when and elder might call and pull you into the back room for some "crime", the fear of Theocratic School stage fright, fear of demons possesion from reading the horoscope in the back of a fashion magazine, or the constant cloud of Armagedon over your head.

  They are only the "happiest people in the world" cause half the members are on prozac. I speak from experience.

  Now, anxiety free, all my evenings open, no un educated elders to counsel/intimidate me .
• 

  LongHairGal

  JustMe:

  Flipper's and NVR2L8's posts sum it up nicely except that I was not a born-in. I was one of those dopes who came in as naive young adult. Of course, the religion never told the whole story about itself. What rude awakenings I had in subsequent years!

  FirstLastName:

  Amen to what you said about "not having uneducated elders to counsel/intimidate me". (You left out the word "intrusive".) Sometimes these men were well-intentioned. Sometimes not. Who needed their biased point of view?

  Anyway, life on the outside is great. I have gotten my mind back and re-connected with old friends and relatives.

  Best thing I ever did was walk out. Sorry I didn't do it sooner.
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  free and happy

  For me leaving that religion has given me the freedom to be who I want to be. The best bit about leaving is that my children can never be tainted by jw thinking and can discover for themselves life free from the lies and rules that religion binds you in.
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  fresh prince of ohio

  Hey longhairgal, I was one of those naive young "dopes" too. I think that having a dramatic conversion, true-believer type of experience that ends in disillusionment brings it's own set of issues that we probably spend the remainder of our lives sorting out.