Need Real Friends

FlierMate

I have been to various mental health message board for years. However, I cannot find any real friends there.

Since my disassociation from the JW, I have no group which I belong to. I have tried even multilevel marketing scheme in order to make new friends but unsuccessful.

I could not find any follow-up posts to my latest thread, so I do not know what had happened since my inactivity on this forum.

While I do not criticize the WTBS, in fact, I still read their articles and online Bible, I am desparately in need of friends where no JWs will ever come close to me and say 'Hi'.

I am in the dilemma. I do not reject their teaching, and yet impossible for me to return to their regular meeting, and I need real friends to talk about real subjects. What should I do?

Get a hobby, find a club of people interested in the same hobby. Rinse & repeat. Practice talking to as many people as possible, strangers on the bus etc... strike up conversations, listen to other people, share a little with them in return.

Before you know it, life isn't so bad.

Oh, and stop reading their garbage - they fill your head with nonsense and cause mental issues and dysfunctional relationships.

Trevor Scott

Have you considered attending a local church? After leaving the WTS I attended for a few years; met some great people and still have great friends even though I havent attended in years.

xelder

Try Meetup.com

They have many types of groups....workout, hiking, crafts, dating, pets

It worked well for me and helped me get through a tough time.

crmsicl

I wouldn't expect much from MLM's. I would ditto everything Simon said. I would also add stay positive. If you have negativity that can impact your attitude and perceptive people will pick up on it. When you wake up think about 5 things that you are looking forward to on that day and when you go to bed think about 5 things that pleased you that day. In between try to dismiss negativity and think about 5 things that you like about yourself.

Good Luck. And don't make yourself a stranger here.

FlierMate

To 4 posters above:

A great thanks for offering the tips and advice.

Why not in your reply you ever think of making friend with me? JWN is my second choice, if not real JWs. After all, they were the ones who had brotherhood love that I am familiar with, or the closest to JW as a whole.

I especially wonder xelder were you an elder?

Simon

Why not in your reply you ever think of making friend with me?

You need to be clear of what 'friend' is.

You don't just suddenly become friends ... real friendlship develops over time, usually based on shared interests or experiences and mutual respect.

There is no magic "friend button" you can press.

Maybe being so quick to judge and dismiss people is why you struggle to make or keep friends?

Seraphim23

I sympathise with you FlierMate. I had a breakdown at 19 so I have some knowledge of mental health issues, least as far as depression goes. Sometimes the greatest enemy of progress we want for our own lives can be ourselves. I submit that friends online are never going to be real friends that will be there in the way that is healthy. The best friends I have ever had were what the JWs would call worldly friends, probably because it was not based on towing some line but because we just get on. Even when I was a JW I never neglected such friends because my own dad is an atheist. That scripture that says `there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother`, has a certain truth to it.

Getting out of one’s comfort zone is must for making new friends. My own issue that I deal with these days is agoraphobia which was a legacy of the depression of my youth. Some of my more recent friends I only made because of forcing that barrier into submission even if it’s not something I can always do.

What I did, being a gay man, who is a Christian also was to search for some gay Christians groups online. I did so and met up with them on one of their meet ups. I didn’t meet up straight away but after chatting for a while online. After I met up I made two friends. There was some there I didn’t like in terms of wanting to be friends with them but these two I liked and they liked me. Since then, which was some years ago now I have made several friends of their friends as well as still doing my bit to maintain their friendships. I even went on holiday with some of them.

It all took some effort on my part because of my own issues, but the reward made up for the effort. It won’t happen without some pain involved though.

Your issues are going to be different from mine but I hope they are something you can work with and transcend even for temporary periods so as to be able to make the friends you need. We all need friends and unlike family we can choose them. Jesus certainly chose his friends and even he had issues with some of them, but he created his family of choice one might say.

Don’t feel bad because many of us have been there, wondering why we don’t have friends, even though some won’t admit to such a thing.

snare&racket

I think you have skeletons in the loset that will hold you back until you deal with them, you want the WT to be something it will never be. Face your issues with WT and then move in or move on....

Should I stay or should I go? If I stay there will be trouble.... If I got it will be double....

Oh you have to let me know ....

Should you stay or should you go..... ?

Hortensia

There are very dear people on this forum, and they can become friends, but online friendships are limited. You need face-to-face contact with people near you. I agree with the other advice on this thread: join a club, volunteer somewhere, find something you like to do and join some group that does that. I've made friends through knitting, amazingly enough, and I made several friends by volunteering at the local community garden. Get out of your house and get involved in some activity. Try a walking club, go to school and learn a skill, even -- gasp -- go to a local church to meet people. Just make it some really innocuous religion like episcopalians.

Need Real Friends

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