Dreaded Ministry School Speakers!

by TR 15 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • TR

    I'm sure every hall has or had a "student" or speaker that they just dreaded to listen to. Wether it was poor reading and pronunciation, or repetitive words, there are those grueling speakers that are murder to listen to. And they never got better.

    In one hall i went to, this bro, actually a friend of mine, had the speach mannerism "You Know". LOL! Every frickin third word, he'd say, "you know". Drove me NUTS! I wanted to go to the can, it was so hard to listen to! I actually counted how many times he said "you know" during one of his talks. I think it was 68 or something like that. I told him afterwards, and we both had a good laugh.

    Another old JW, every hall has one, an old guy that has worked the magazine counter for 300 years because he has very poor speach, and stuttered when giving talks. He always took forever to look up a scripture, then took another forever to read it! Drove me NUTS! Poor guy though, he couldn't help it. Up to bat for his 5 minute talk, he'd completely ignore the Time limit bell, or, maybe he couldn't hear it. The school conductor rang and rang and rang and rang and RANG that damn bell! The conductor finally gave up, put the bell down, and just smiled. The old dude just kept on a goin' until he finished. LOL!

    Anything that prevented me from leaving the hall in record time really pissed me off, let alone having to sit and listen to english being fractured at every possible moment. LOL!

    There were some really pathetic scenes also. Like the sis who couldn't remember what to say in her demonstration, and ran off the stage sobbing. Another was when an old bro that had cerebral palsy gave a 5 minute talk, took him 10 minutes to stumble up to the podium, then he mumbled and slobbered through his talk. I just couldn't watch. Poor old guy. He died a few weeks later.


    Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America- Washington Division

  • TheOldHippie

    Well, was it not nice that these people TRIED, that they had the opportunity, that there was room also for those not being so elegant and well-educated as you are, Oh! Most Enlightened One?

  • Simon

    We had an elder in out hall who really loved the sound of his own voice and his assignments went way over every time so his 15 minute item on the service meeting would last half an hour, the meeting woudl overrun, people living on the council estate would miss their bus (unless they missed the closing prayer).

    Unfortunately, he was our group study conductor and sometimes he read the paragraphs too. It wasn't unusual for the group to last an hour and a half!

    And he had the MOST droning, monotone voice ever (a very large fat man too)

    I think some of speakers that TR mentions were probably trying their best but it's a shame that they obviously felt the need to attempt to give a talk. No doubt it was a painful experience to them too.

  • TR


    Just in case you didn't understand, I wasn't saying these people were stupid or anything like that. They were simply very hard to listen to. I felt pity, yet felt proud of them at the same time, when I was a 'hovah, of course. Now, I just think it's sad that some who just don't have the knack for public speaking are practically forced into the ministry school just to show their "spirituality".


    Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America- Washington Division

  • revdrjohnson

    My "coach" for my first appearance in KMS was a frustrated Shakespearean who lived inour building, and claimed to be of the "Anointed." I had to read 8 verses from Job chapter 8, but the end result sounded like Hamlet's funeral speech to York.

    A lotta what you experienced may have had to do with your speaker's nervousness about what you were gonna give him on that friggin report slip -- Hey, man, they were just tryin to "Modulate!"

    Keep the Faith


  • LyinEyes

    LOL!!! That is so funny TR. I love to remember all the crazy stuff we had to endure. I know you are not making fun of them , but we all know ( despite what JW say) that not all are teachers. We had a new brother start giving talks and he was very shy. This poor brother was also pale so when get got embarrassed he was 3 diff. shades of red. Well, I know how that feels and I hate to see someone in such distress. We live in Hicksville , USA way back in the woods, and half of the congo is inbred . Every single time this brother had to give a talk, his whole family , wife and kids would be laughing at him...
    out loud . It was just an embarrassing scene. I used to get so nervous for him.

  • TR


    Every single time this brother had to give a talk, his whole family , wife and kids would be laughing at him...
    out loud . It was just an embarrassing scene. I used to get so nervous for him.
    OH Christ! That's sick! OMG! What FREAKS! Morbidly funny at the same time, though. LOL!


    Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America- Washington Division

  • TheOldHippie

    In the congregation of a friend of mine, a brother who had formerly fought for the US in Viet Nam, a REAL big guy, should give his first speach. He had such an amount of muscles, and was so tense, that he did not manage to get loose from the chair - the chair was stuck to him, or rather he was stuck to the chair, so that when he stood up, the chair followed with him, and another guy had to literally pull the chair from him. He got 10 times as nervous as before, and when he then was on the platform and should correctthe microphone a bit, he broke the microphone in two pieces. So there he stood, just relieved of his chair and with a broke microphone, and mumbles that "OK, I guess we're gonna live thru this, too."
    A sight to remember.

  • nita6368

    I always felt so sorry for the new and the young people who had a hard time giving a talk, we had some in our hall who would get physically sick and have to leave the stage.My middle son who is now 12 wouldn't even answer, he would try and turn red and just couldn't even speak, funny thing though as soon as we left the cult ,he started playing baseball and now does stand-up comedy at his school talent shows, he even sang last year...talk about a self esteem boost.

  • LDH

    I've posted this before..hope you chuckle.

    There was a sister in our cong. who had a daughter who was borderline mentally retarded.

    This sister was assigned a talk, and her daughter was her assistant.

    The poor little girl, about 8, was sitting there so innocently but kept breathing into the mic. It sounded like a pervert breathing heavy, and we were in conniptions.

    About halfway through the talk, the sister had to say, "Honey please don't breathe into the microphone" right out loud, because the little girl wasn't understanding the Mom's non-verbal clues.

    Her little girl said, "OK" really loud, right into the mic. And then proceeded to continue breathing into the mic.

    EVERYONE busted up laughing, and the mom tried so hard to finish the talk but she just couldn't, tears were running down her face. She just said, "I'm sorry y'all, I can't finish." and walked off the stage.

    She was counseled for not 'taking her assignment seriously.' (OK I'm thinking here, if it was all *THAT* serious, why did you assign a mentally retarded child to help her?)


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