And so I felt inadequate again... for a moment

by ohnightdivine 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • ohnightdivine
    ohnightdivine

    Despite knowing TTATT recently and trying my very best not to absorb the FDS-supplied "knowledge" any further, I could not help but feel inadequate again during today's meeting.

    Strange, right? Yet, normal. ---

    After a few moments I told myself, "Why am I feeling inadequate?! I already know what the truth is. I don't need to feel this way!"

    Like many of you, I've been made to feel inferior during all these years. We have our talents, skills, and ambitions silenced. And to add to this we are made to feel that we are not preaching enough, not exerting enough effort, not studying enough, etc. Despite doing our best, the WT always finds ways (using sweet encouraging words) to implicitly make us feel that we are always lacking in faith.

    While listening to the brothers and sisters share their comments I could feel that they were prepared for the meeting. And of course, many sounded sincere. And now, because I haven't really been participating a lot these days, I'm a bit down. I used to comment a couple of times each meeting and somehow I miss the sense of being able to "contribute" to the discussion of "faith".

    You could tell me to just stop attending, but it is still out of the question for now...

    PS: Just an observation-- again, most sisters looked tired although very well-dressed and made up (as usual). Sometimes I feel they're just there to show off their newly-bought clothes and what-have-yous. It's a fashion show--- and it's not even convention time. LOL. I'll just stick to my casual suit.

    PS2: Sorry if I'm not able to express myself clearly at times. Please understand. My brain has just awakened..

  • LostGeneration
    LostGeneration

    The religion thrives on beating people down and making them feel like they are worthless. They drip feed them self esteem through works - meetings, FS, commenting, anything that is cult related is supposed to give you a little "hit" and everything else is designed to make you feel selfish about yourself.

    That said, getting out from the environment is the only way to start healing. Even a month out from a meeting and you will feel so much better about yourself and humanity. Its a TOXIC environment, negative toward everything on this earth outside of the walls of the KH, and its a LIE. The lies is what makes it TOXIC, your brain knows otherwise but you keep hearing the same thing over and over again inside.

    Care to elaborate on why you must still attend? We all felt that way initially, but once you break out of those walls you realize it really was just a mental block.

  • ohnightdivine
    ohnightdivine

    Thanks, LostGeneration.

    My answer to your question is very simple. I do not have anyone else at this point in my life to turn to. I cannot elaborate my circumstances (I know you'd understand) for now but if I suddenly stop attending, I will literally be alone for who knows how long. I live away from my family and just get to visit them from time to time.

    Most of all, I still somehow want to hold on to this thin thread of trust for them because I feel that some of my friends there are also very sincere as individuals. Now, I cannot afford to risk losing them all at once... even if I know that will, or must happen eventually.

    ..

    ..

    Now that I think of it, I must be having the Stockholm syndrome.

  • Londo111
    Londo111

    Welcome to JWN!

    This is pure and simple: Indoctrination.

    The best remedy is reading Combatting Cult Mind Control or other books on cults, mind control and undue influence.

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    Hang in there -- it takes a while to create a new life after the wtbts.

  • Captain Obvious
    Captain Obvious

    It's just a social club for most. A social club that beats you down and makes you feel shitty so you'll do more work for free.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Here are a few ideas I picked up years ago that helped relieve me of "theocratic performance anxiety:"

    The JWs assert that the Bible is a communication from God to the members of Christ's BRIDE ( the anointed).

    Thus it follows, as the Watchtower teaches, that the command to preach and otherwise outperform is a task given to the ANOINTED.

    I never considered myself to be "anointed," and no one ever suggested I might be. If that is true for you too, a lightbulb should be coming on by now...

    The Warchtower says it is your "priviledge" to "share" the work of the anointed. There's NOTHING that compels you to do so, however!

    Take a day off!

    Go fishing!

    or sleep late!

    Let the anointed "exert themselves vigorously," you're going for the Grand Slam breakfast at Denny's!

    The idea of being someone's "bride" just never appealed to me.

  • LostGeneration
    LostGeneration

    Nobody likes to be alone, so I understand why you feel the need to stay in the congo for the time being.

    That being said, its time to explore other avenues of friendship. Hobbies, a new part time job, even going back to school are good places to meet people who don't place conditions on friendship.

    Reading through your intro made me a little worried for you in your situation, it sounds as if you are battling some real negative feelings in your life - I hope things improve for you soon and be sure to check in on the forum for help and support!

  • LisaRose
    LisaRose

    You are expressing yourself very clearly. Yes, I think most of us have been where you are right now. Even though you know TTAT, it doesn't make the conditioning go away, that takes months, maybe years. You have been systematically conditioned to think a certain way and this was quite deliberate on the part of the Watchtower. You have been made to think you are weak and powerless, that you need a magazine publishing corporation to "help" you understand God and his requirements. You can't even pray without using the name THEY told you to use, you have been manipulated and lied to. I have been out 13 years, yet when they came to my door recently, I found myself shaking, it still felt really hard to tell them I was an ex witness and had no intention of ever being one again. I hadn't talked to any dubs the ten years I lived in Colorado, so it had never come up. Since then I have gotten over that issue and even done reverse witnessing when one approached me in my car.

    It does get better with time, hang in there.

  • problemaddict
    problemaddict

    You may not be far off with Stockholm Syndrome. You begin to identify with your captors after all. When you wake up, and still have to attend, you are "captive". You need to do what you think is best of course. Just try to leave your bosy. Better yet get a smart phone and play candy crush with the sound off. is that what the kids do now-a-days? Seriously, it will take time to have these ingrained things give way. I have been out for ALMOST a year and because I still have to attend the occasional meeting/convention/whatever, and my friends are still JW's as is my wife.....I still get those what-if feelings. Its normal. Go with your mind, not your emotion, whenever possible.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit