Are you fading mentally or physically?

by gingerbread 10 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  gingerbread

  Which came first for you?

  I began my proactive 'fade' a couple of years ago. It was due to multiple events: observing (once again) another botched judicial decision, researching the origins of WT beliefs and organizational history & reading the bible by itself.

  When the kids were young, I made every effort to get them to the meetings, out in service, study with them, read the Bible Story book, watch the videos and have plenty of parties with other Witness kids. Being raised in the 'truth', I felt this was the best way to teach them right from wrong.

  I now realize that I was mentally out for many years - just going through the motions of being a good JW.

  While I still attend some meetings (our parents are still active JW's), we are mentally 'out'. I struggle with getting out completely because of family and life long friendships that are truly genuine.

  Perhaps thinking about this process as 'fading' is not the best. Fading implies failure, washed out, losing - like the losing team headed to the locker room.

  At what point does one find 'closure'?

  ginger
• 

  paladin

  I am in slow fade due to my family and mentally out. I have no interest in meeting attendance or field circus. lol. I am physically worn out almost.
• 

  Dis-Member

  Not as much as a fade but more a flash of explosive light followed by a deep feeling of disgust which then resulted in me instantly severing every and all contact with anything and anyone associated with or even remotely connected to that Organisation. Even the thought of ever walking back in that hall makes every molecule in my organism shudder and recoil.

  Trashing the entire contents of my ministry bag gave me a great feeling of liberty and finality.
• 

  Separation of Powers

  Gingerbread,

  I have to disagree with your point that fading implies something negative. What is better? New or faded jeans? Yes, faded jeans are more comfortable, they are less restrictive, they are more fashionable, the list goes on and on. I would rather be a pair of faded jeans than a new pair. Also, it is typically the cinemagraphic transition to another part of the storyline, so it works there as well.

  I for one have faded mentally. It is getting to the point where I literally laugh to myself and unfortunately, sometimes out loud, when I hear some of the outlandish comments that completely disregard reality or historical proof. As for physically? That is starting to get easier. Lately, some of the goings on at the hall have made my wife start to reason about the "truth." She has started to recognize that its all about "going through the motions" as well.

  Good luck...Oh my God, did I just say, "Good Luck?" I must be further along in my fade than I thought!

  SOP
• 

  DS211

  Hey how do i start my own thread?
• 

  gingerbread

  Maybe the term 'faded' is what those that are still involved see us - like a boat fading off into the fog.

  SOP - your use of 'transition' is probably a better word.

  The fading process while physically still 'in' can be very depressing. Some people have a physical issue that causes them to become irregular and this can give them breathing time to think about things.

  ginger
• 

  Phizzy

  dear DS211, go to the Home page, click on the category you wish your thread to go under, say "JW friends", and at the top of the page is a blue section in which "New Topic" apears, click on that, and you are away ! Welcome by the way.

  Back on topic, Fading is a choice that many of us have made, for a variety of reasons, but usually so as to leave the door open for our family and friends to be able to still have a relationship with us.

  I do not see it as a failure, rather I see it as a victory over their petty rules and procedures. I felt no need for a DAing, and did not want to be DF'd at all, as that hands all the power to them, as does a DA really.

  As to "closure", I have great doubts about that concept in most applications, bereavement, or if you have been abused, or whatever, there is really no such thing as a door that closes and then it is all gone.

  The same with our experience of being in the WT, we have lost our family most of us, very like a beravement, and we have all been abused in many ways by the WT, so we have a form of PTSD.

  Time does help, plus making sure the WT has no hold, not even a vestige of belief in their Bull**** should remain, also a good Counseller/Therapist can help.

  The great thing is when you can feel you are not just an XJW, but an ex-XJW. At which time most feel no need to come here anymore, to JWN.
• 

  LostGeneration

  I would say a "fade" isn't complete until you are attending no meetings, no assemblies, no DC, nothing except maybe, maybe the meh-morial. Even that is a sickening meeting to attend, if only to keep family off of your back.

  If you cannot free yourself from the bull-stuff entirely, then you are going to at least feel like a partial hostage.

  If the WT holds you in any way, its tough to move on. But a properly and fully executed fade is the one way to silently give the middle finger to the WTS. Actions speak louder than words, and by not playing along by going to their meetings your actions show you know their religion is nothing more than a scam.

  Fading is also to keep your family, not your friends. Social play dates with active JWs will also make it difficult to move away from the cult.
• 

  insearchoftruth4

  Phizzy, I feel what you mean man, XJW to ex-XJW, step-up to more freedom "The Great Thing" no need to come here anymore...

  Ginger, Totally understand the circumstances, instead of thinking fade, I had to "strategize" to get the family out. 'It wasn't easy'

  After my key players woke up, I got on the offensive slam dunking the cheats and lies, stripping them in public in front of the congo.

  They are on a losing team in the locker room washed up and beat and the game is no longer fun to play with them. Kind of a "closure"...

  insot4
• 

  DATA-DOG

  I often wonder how " genuine " any friendships really are when you are not allowed to question your beliefs and be honest in front of others. How real is a friendship when the other person will drop you like a bad habit for disagreeing with 8 popes?

  Insearchoftruth4, how did you do it?