I got a note from my sons daycare the other day saying that for their spring project we need to bring in 'family flowers'. Basically they want us to make a flower shaped collage of family photos which they are going to display in the classroom. Each petal should have a picture of a different family member.
Now, normally I wouldnt mind blowing off their little assignments since my son is only 2 and a half and hes more interested in playing than any of their special projects. But the pictures the kids love to look at and it makes them feel more secure when they are having a bad day and the teacher takes them to their photos and talk about their family.
I have been being shunned by my sisters unless they 'have' to talk to me for some reason for years. The stay-at-home mom sister with a son close to my sons age has refused to babysit for me even though she could use the money and it would help me tremendously.
The father has shunned me completely and cut off any financial support of myself or my son. I am dead to him (but my son is alive and he acts like he loves him..go figure)
Three brothers I dont know at all and dont even know where they live cause I was forced to shun them when they left the org 10-20 years ago.
One brother, a young teen, has chosen to follow the example of those around him and has been convinced that I am what they say I am. And even at 16 and not very bright, he can practice emotional and mental abuse with the best of them. Hes got good teachers.
The last brother has problems controlling his temper and I stay away from him. Hes a dub but I think only because of the mental hold they have on him. He was born into the org but has never been appointed or reached out for responsibility in the Cong. other than the sound system which was taken from him in favor of younger more goal oriented brothers. At 35 that is a major stigma in the org. I noticed that he cant even look my dad, or anyone really,in the face because hes such a disappointment. He's also a virgin and to my knowledge never expressed interest or had any female express interest in him. Hes got psych probs let me tell you.
And finally my mother. *sigh* What can i say about the mother? I spent my whole life thinking she was the one person who loved me no matter what. I thought she couldnt do anything to change things for me or help me when I was being abused as a kid because of being married to the asshole and having to follow their subjection rules. She was never there for me but I knew she would be if she could. But this week my mom did something hurtful to me of her own accord, something totally uncalled for. I think I was wrong about her. I think she hates me. Maybe I'm wrong though. Maybe shes just angry and hurt because she misses my son. Shes never done anything like that before but shes sat back and let others hurt me. Being under the orgs control would explain that but why did she do what she did this week?
Anyway, back to the dilemma...Do I skip the project? Do I bring in a two-petaled flower? Or since they havent hurt my son and since its HIS project not mine maybe I should stuff the painful emotional crap inside and not take it so seriously and just let him pick some pictures of his family out to use?
flower