It is hard to work out where to begin. I have been reading excerpts from this websikte for a long time and it along with a lot of the other sites have been incredibly helpful in helping me to understand what I have got myself into but I alos have no intention of getting out. I love my wife dearly but in the 9 years I ahve known her and the 2.5 years we ahve been married I have gone through the full gammit of emotions, trials and trbulations and tactics to try to get her to understand that the Society is not what it claims to be but to no avail. So I clearly need to change tack.
I seem to have solved one of my main issues, which was her attempts to indoctrinate our 7 year old son (if you did the maths you will note that he was conceived out of wedlock which means she was df'd for fornication so for a number of years we had no exposure to the religion though I did have some sense of how distraught she was when she got df'd and it was only after I did the right thing by her and we got married and she was allowed back in that the full horrow started to become apparent). Also I cannot but feel that the effect of the d'fing and reinstatement was to tighten the hold the Society has over her.
I quickly came to realize that the religion was malignant and not benign as I had first assumed. An analysis of "My Book of Bible Stories" made me realise the emotional and psychological manipulation (principally through fear) used to indoctrinate children who are too young to understand that what is presented as reality are no more than stories. Did you know that the dominant theme was that if you don't obey Jehovah you will be killed or seriously harmed - no less than 20 of the stories have this theme, of which 10 have graphic depictions of killing? Other themes inlcude obedience to Jehovah (11); women can't be trusted (6); satan and the demons influence worldly peole (4); you can live forever in a restored gareden of eden ruled by Jesus king (10); Jesus will end all badness on earth (2) and bring good dead people back to life (3); we do not want to make friends with people who do not obey God i.e. wordly people (the story of Dinah); keep watching (1); children should serve Jehovah and go to meetings and parents should teach (one of the most insidious aspects of the whole thing is the way the Society uses unwitting JW parents and the trust their children have in them as tools of indoctrination); and most important of all OBEY GOD'S SERVANTS!(1) - the only surprise was that it didn't appear more often but I expect as obedeince to Jehovah and obedience to the Society are merged this is not surprising. So I have exercised my headship rights and banned home study and her taking my son to the KH. I explained to him that the stories are just that and he was happy about that because those stories were scaring him, including the notion that I was going to get wiped out at Armageddon. I also explained that the people at the KH would be very nice to him as long as he agreed witht them and obeyed their rules but if not they could be very mean like they were to mummy when she was df'd. This seemed to strike a cord.
Anyway - I digress, the main issue I now have to contend with is the impact of the Society's emotional and psychological manipulation of my wife. Apart from the fact that her absence for a full day every Sunday and intermittently on week nights impacts on our family time and the fact that I can't always trust her because her first loyalty is to a bunch of old men in Bethel, I feel that as I care about her I need to save her from the fraud being perpetrated against her. I can see the emotional harm they have caused her whenever I ask her difficult questions or present uncomfortable information to her. She doesn't respond - she just breaks down. This is so uncomfortable for me I have stopped doing this but I am very uncomfortable with the silence she has imposed on me. The message I get from this is that she doesn't trust or respect my views and my concern for her well-being. But I can see my logical discourse approach is failing miserably so my question is whether anyone out there who has lived this can advise me on how best to proceed and have a happy marriage but not go crazy from the frustration of seeing my loved one controlled by this authoritarian organization. By the way - did I say that I love her? Well I do